Josh Darr (eightwm) wrote in _knowyoulive,
Josh Darr

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so. much. stress.

hello everyone. this is my first post. i found this commnunity 2 days ago and joined. i would have written yesterday but the electrical wire to the house was cut by a car yesterday and they still have yet to fix it, so the entire electricity on this side of the house is out. i got a really long extention cord so it's kinda good.

well let's see.. i moved to a different country.. i have a girlfriend in the US. we're doing good, but things get hard sometimes, but i have so much stress.. i want to get out of this hell hole.. before we moved down here, i hadn't cut for near a year.. now that i started writing a journal again, i started cutting..deeper. scarily deeper.. i find myself out in my own world.. some because i don't know any spanish.. some because i am thinking about what gives me stress.. i'm trying to get out of hre.. i already asked my parents if i could move back with my gram. i fought with them for over 2 hours.. i don't get alot of sleep anymore. i don't eat at school so i can save money.. when we got the tickets here, it was mandatory to get a return ticket and mine is for december 28th and we all might visit.. i have decided about a half a month ago that when we go to visit, i'm going to wait until the last day we're there to run away.. it's hard to not tell anyone and it's hard because i love my family.. i didn't think i did before, bu tnow that it comes down to it, i care about them.. this are hard with my girlfriend too.. i love her to death.. i don't know what is going to happen to me, but i'm going to run away.. but on top of all that, i cut alot.. and it's really deep.. when i used to cut it wasn't even half as deep.. i don't know many people are around me right now so i can't type alot, but want to get things out. you guys and my girlfriend are the only people that know what i'm going to do. i might write more when i can.. but help? things are just too overwhelming..the stress at school.. everything. my parents don't care about my mental health, if i can't run away, i swear to God, i'm going to kill myself.. like not just saying that, but i will..i need help.. no source of weed down here.. fuck. help. kill me now.
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