Log in

No account? Create an account
!! [entries|friends|calendar]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

with all your power [[05.18.07 // 06:58A]]

[ mood | energetic ]

sunrise ahead.
drip together, dewy leaves into piddly puddles
onto the backs of two birds.
sweet morning smells of flowers yawning
in the breaking daylight.

no early marine layer to burn off today.

[[make this community grow again!]]

kiss kiss bang bang

Dear KMF community, [[07.30.06 // 03:43P]]

Hello there.
Do you realize it's been nearly one year since anyone posted here?
I'm just wondering how ya'll are doing. Did everyone die? Did you stop writing pretty things, like I did? Did you decide the interent is worthless? Do you not love me the same way anymore?
Like I said, I'm just wondering. I miss you.

Please write back.

kiss kiss bang bang

The Bleeding Heart Show [[09.08.05 // 01:09A]]

i'm watching this like it's a movie
falling into the same traps again&again&again
what is it about me, that I have to put my heart
so far into someone else
who can barely return my looks,
let alone my affection
kiss kiss bang bang

[[07.07.05 // 06:57P]]

for a boy and london:

if you were a subway
i would walk through your stations
eyeing your turnstiles
that creak with conviction
(akin to your knees)
on cuts of cold concrete

you would come flying
down the burrowings of my body
with the denizens left in darkness
as you swept and swooped up pony tails
left in a canter and
fluttered the ladies’ hair and skirts at their shins.
as you ricket racketed down the track.

and there would be that calm
of tinny time killing
seconds bleeding into my palms
as i awaited
your arrival

waiting, still
in your dark clouds
in your pale fears.
kiss kiss bang bang

[[06.29.05 // 02:10A]]

So, I'm retreating to diaryland because.. well.. it feels easier to share there. Don't ask, won't tell.
But I am missing the kmf of old, and am curious if we have a way to revive it?

kiss kiss bang bang

Never to be mellowdramatic [[06.21.05 // 03:14P]]

My heart is stone and I think I'm slowly dying inside.

There aren't enough words to express the thoughts, and there isn't enough concentration to express the words.

Things aren't the same anymore. Life was better when I was an emotional wreck, because now I don't feel anything except guilt.
kiss kiss bang bang

this community is beautiful. PLEASE COME BACK! [[06.07.05 // 04:34P]]

i've never posted here before because i joined when you guys died.
My name is Valerie and i am seventeen years old.

i just inhaled a universe.
i thought that deserved honorable mention. i didnt even realize these existed. well, not until the sun came out from behind that fucking cloud. a lazer beamed a ray between my blinds and splashed on the linoleum, revealing this whole system of dust specks, just floating there. so vulnerable in its simplicity. multi-millions of these little round fuckers just idle in the space. like space. like planets.
and i gasp.
in pure enjoyment of my discovery. and the planets start to quiver and ride my breath deep into my lungs, and i momentarily felt powerful from how much destruction i could commit without even attempting. and i could feel the universe inside my body. the planets were no longer idle. they were rapidly aging, some even imploding, a few disintegrated into nothingness. the universe was nourishing me from the inside out.
and so i drowned my conscious in bliss, and opened my mouth for another serving. i caught planets on my tongue, like rain drops. i eat universes.
i was the apocalypse.
and i could do anything.
1 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[[06.06.05 // 11:05P]]

who wants to make KMF banners for flooding tons of communities with ads to join?

3 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[[06.03.05 // 03:03P]]

I feel as if everyone has gone away.
I miss you all.
2 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[[04.10.05 // 10:34P]]

My heart is spinning in circles.
"Is that even possible?" You ask, probably with a smile.
But of course it's possible.

When you
look at me
touch my hand
brush my hair out of my eyes

It feels as if the world and everything contained within it is standing still.
Except, of course, for my heart. It spins, it flutters, it explodes within it's tiny set of chambers.

I want a love that captures your entire body, your every waking moment. I want it to consume me whole. I want to feel more than this hollowed shell allows.
kiss kiss bang bang

[[10.14.04 // 11:10P]]

those heartaches are finding physical manifestations again.
showing up in my knees, my neck.
throbing behind my eyes.

it's an  invisible reminder of how i haven't changed.
and everyones noticed except me.

including me
1 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[[09.09.04 // 10:38P]]

Little girl lost;
doesn't know which way is up.
Reaching for clouds and getting hands full of dirt.
Oh so stuck in this rut and things won't change.

I won't make them change. All the wanting in the world doesn't equal action.

where have you been and where are you going?
kiss kiss bang bang

crossposted [[08.10.04 // 11:00P]]

poorly captured photographs

still-life compositions of half-second moments
to compensate for twenty years of discontent;

six hours in two photo albums
and half a shoe box hidden under a bed
too small for lovemaking
showcase a life i never lived.

1 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[[06.19.04 // 02:06P]]

maybe it's just me
but i'm fairly certain
that the world has forgotten
about the birch tree.

peeling and shedding
its skin picked off
by pink-skinned children
like they would do to
the scabs on their knees.

andCollapse )

thank you.
1 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[[06.13.04 // 02:10P]]
i havent eaten in a century. the vacuumes speech of a falsifying martyr is seeming to become benign.

i am i am i am.

i have been thinking aloud for the most part and have been having strange dreams. dreams about fury and fur and fervor. i do not know what will become of the sediments or the lack of sound. a violin plays marco polo in the wind amongst the dead litter of innocent corpse heroes; daring to cross the road, if not fail tragically.

i am starting to notice the meticulously placed or detached organs of people that i encounter through speech--the way they stumble or purr. an observor realizing the deep magnitude of ferocious energy that lies between the sheets of sweaty bodies embracing in a range of photographic poses. a sweet mildew symphony, no. a brilliant collage of masked intensity of pragmatic court-room slithering.

a bird and a statue.
kiss kiss bang bang

[[05.31.04 // 12:35A]]
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<p [...] .>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

<p . align="justify">Hi. My name is Gabriela. I use to be <lj user=altitudes> here. Umm, This is already in my journal, but I have nothing else worth posting for now. An introduction to a "small" project, book type thing that I am working on, heh. Anyways. Hello and enjoy.

<lj-cut text="INTRODUCTION"><p . align="justify">

<i>Afloat</i> ; Dormant to the ocean's slow pace, she laid backside against the boats wood flooring, admiring the celestial spine. Unaware of direction, unaware of time, unaware of the current that embraced the boats drowning backbone - she continued to sail, thrusting through the voluminously growing waves. Idolizing the ghastly taunt of the sea, and the whispers from the sudden uproar of the wind. <i>Oh how I wish, How I wish the black sea would devour me</i>, her lips barely parting as she sang in her sorrows. Desolate in the middle of that liquid, ink infestation. she was a shapely girl - no younger than sixteen - showing no signs of a famine diseased nor obesity plagued teenager. Her skin was a pale hue under the moonlight, and her eyes, a stark blue. Ebon locks were cut boyishly short, giving credit to her bare neck and shoulders. Five single digits laid idly atop her chest and bosom, rising and falling just as the tide that surrounded her had been doing.

Tiny droplets from the uprising tide fell onto her face, gracing sprawled legs and cascading from one side of the quivering boat to the other. With her other hand she gently brushed the dozens of droplets from her face then retired the palm of her hand against her forehead. A continued page, an unfinished song, abandoned buildings and sunken ships: she felt the deadweight of each newly introduced and remaining droplet. Brutality reigned the sea in the form of a tide, threatening by the side of the mythological reptilian. <i>Oh how I wish, How I wish the black sea would devour you and I</i>, she continued to sing, with her voice cracked and buried beneath her tongue.

She felt fefiant, her sprawled corpse still laid backside the wooden floor, sailing along the battle of the tide. And what a battle she declared, an eloquent battle it was: Jolie and her <i>fisherprice</i> boat versus the monstrosities of the sea ... but the thought of turning her beloved black sea into a deep crimson became a sour taste on the tip of her tongue. A futile declaration that wrapped around her neck and squeezed until her eyebrows arched and her cheeks puffed like a blowfish. So she gasped for the salty air and grimaced, turning her head so her cheek pressed against the frigid flooring. Curled, cold and tiresome, her arms reach around her legs, bringing them closer to her chest. A pitiful sight onboard, as if she were a sickly dog or stray cat nestling fireside. Flaxen, astral stars hung from the night like cutouts dangled from thinning strands of string: her company until daylight decided to arise from it's grave..
kiss kiss bang bang

[[05.22.04 // 10:15A]]

hello lovebugs,

i'm just updating because i've realized
that i don't know a few of you & that
you probably don't know me either.

so, i'm steph. i'm 19 and reside in colorado, for the
time being, anyway. the love of my life is a blue bicycle
named meredith, which i adopted from my grandfathers garage.
i'm currently reading 'a stranger in this world,'
a collection of short stories by kevin canty. i have
this insatiable wanderlust boiling in my bones and want
to travel east. i'm currently enamored with watercolors,
soft singing voices, shiny black accordions and woody allen.

tell me something about yourself, would you?
11 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[[05.01.04 // 04:44P]]

several times i took advantage of the smiles she sent to the dead air. each one was abrupt and rare. the sky shook with important alarms as i approached, setting greetings on the floor. (ema: the whole time i was thinking about slipping away)

autumn was the place where we searched for death. the holes in my stomach were full of gold. as intruders, i thought young men should know when to fight, because the ribbons would always be there for you to find. (ema: defeat was a black swan i hid in my engine, knowing that anything was possible inside the photographs of two mature hands.)

your mother crowned strawberries with whipped cream and left us to the imaginations we lacked. together we laughed as the humidity washed our features. when you threw your hands i caught them. everytime. all minutes fell apart in a museum of stamps.

did i import the words
or were they concealed in the middle of our tongues ?

one voice slid vocabulary across the navy blue waves
her tones were clear when she read to me at night.
cursive ran parallel down my arms.
later.one evening.said-
"stole your ring,
now i'm christopher columbus
sailing through your white shores"

one acclaimed laugh slid around the navy blue seas.
then it was so quiet in our wooden heaven.
i went home and crawled into the belly of the captain
and wished that i had a father i could talk to.
2 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[[04.12.04 // 01:11A]]

“it’s so morbid,” he says,
“that you have picnics in graveyards.”

i brush off his commentary
and dirt from my jeans.

i am spread out on the burial ground
of a soldier who died in 1799.

“a good year,” i offer,
and gesture with a dandelion.

he is stern and set, and has a
arms - crossed stance.

his feet tap at the grass,
and he refuses any food.

“did someone hear too many
ghost stories as a kid?”

he and a twig both snap, simultaneously
with a bright green bang.

hitting my mark, i may now resume
peeling my orange to pieces.

even though he himself is peeling
off my confidence like paint.

he hurls a daffodil into my lap,
it is still sour apple around the edges.

i count it’s six petals, honestly,
and know that he loves me not.

i don’t need to crucify another
flower to reassure the facts.

but he is so molded to massacre me
that i am a martyr for may.
10 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[[04.01.04 // 06:33P]]

swirling across his face with the smoke from a cigarette
entice nervous digits to stroke the tufts, to pull them &release
to bite a cheek, and toss the ash over the ledge.

lashing whips of condescension along the blackboard
trained and achillean ears
hiding in shadows of an alcove
pierce forth the crack

remanded to court
what cursed days have become alive,slipped by
and dismantled as a building

A. B. C.

crests of blue and white shimmer in moonlight
on the belly of the beach
under clamoring clustered fireflies.
scattering,for mine eyes've intruded
another wave of redemption is due
fundamentally through veins.
not some sacreligious snobbish sunbeam dance
with halos and stained glass whorific scene.
kiss kiss bang bang

[[03.30.04 // 02:36P]]
hey, no one's updated for over a month.

((i guess i shouldn't talk.))
6 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[[02.21.04 // 10:49P]]


the boy who wrote you love letters failed to tell you that the fairytale was going to end. when he said "i love you" it meant "i'll stick around until i find someone better" and when he said "i need you" it meant "i need your mouth on mine let's share oxygen because without the validation of your tongue touching mine this feels like nothing" and when he told you that you should love the beautiful things about yourself, he's speaking the truth but does he really know that or is just another line?

sometimes at night you have to remind yourself that he doesn't love you, there's somebody new, he gave up on you because you had too many problems and the baggage was too heavy. you called him weak and he said you're right; he called you vulnerable and you reminded him that he was too willing to take advantage of the heart on your sleeve and the healing broken heart that was supposed to be under lock and key.

there are women in south africa dying from aids, there are children in factories working hard for sixty-two cents an hour to make the gap t-shirt you're wearing, there are bombs going off on the other side of the world and yet, you're still crying because he doesn't love you, oh god why doesn't he love you?

you clench your first and your mascara is staining your favorite pillow; he rested his head there four weeks ago but he'll never touch your sheets again. you'll never fuck to sad indie rock songs and you'll never touch the softness of his mouth with your fingertips. you stop yourself from dialing the ten digits you know by heart (number two on speed dial, seventh entry in the phone book) because he isn't going to answer. he's probably fucking another girl to the same songs he put on mix tapes for you and he's feeding her the same lines. "oh please don't ever let me go this feels too good i'm so in love with you your eyes are amazing god i don't ever want to lose you" and you're imagining it all in your head, overreacting and counting the broken promises on fingers and toes.

tomorrow morning you will roll out of bed and scrub your skin with pumice and pretend you never loved him. all of the areas on your body he touched need to be cleansed and replenished. you'll rip up the notebook full of drawings and letters, you'll tear those words to shreds. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, you have to remember that. what doesn't kill you makes you who you are.

5 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[[02.11.04 // 01:02P]]
taking a break from the internet for a while.

acceptions are on hold until i can find someone to temporarily run the community for me, preferably a current co-moderator. email me if you're interested.

keep posting lovely things, everyone ♥
kiss kiss bang bang

gone for good. [[01.22.04 // 03:10A]]

[ mood | tired ]

10 nine 8 seven 6 five 4 three 2 one
and he's gone, gone for good
and you sit up straight
and you rub the sleep from your eyes
and you feel the empty space
only to realize he's gone
gone for good
and you refuse to be weak
insist that you are strong
dont let them know
that anything's wrong
and you walk in your sleep
and you forget to wash your hair
all because you woke up
and he wasn't there.

kiss kiss bang bang

[[01.05.04 // 04:09P]]

oh yes i am the princess of my porcelain palace;
spitting phlegm and pink roses into its sea.

it's just like the old days: when the women would wait (hand & foot) at home while their husbands were off working
like well-oiled machines.

analysis of a house wife, analysis of a mid-wife, analysis of a mid-life, analysis of a death.

(i feel married to my misery and i haven't hit thirty. my engagement rings, dark circles under my eyes.)

i am faced with a confrontation, a burly, surly mafia member metaphor that rapes me nightly in the back alleys of my mind:
    if i don't want to live: is death my only alternative.
    there is no grey area-
    (i lost all my crayons years ago,
    in a flood of tears and vomit.)
    i must have lost my marbles, too.

no, this isn't a cry for help (help!) and this isn't a plea for understanding (salvation!).
this is just another nothingness of black ink and white paper that will never get anywhere and will get me nowhere except a minimum gauge job and scribblings in the back pocket of my uniform.

fact: the need for poets has long been extinct. i am as useless as an 8 track tape.
a) handled by older men.
b) laughed at by my generation.
c) totally forgotten by those who have yet to come.
1 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[[01.04.04 // 09:42P]]

I have nothing left of yours to hold on to.
No letters, no clothes, no books or scents.
It's been so long, that there's nothing more than these memories that are fading.
theres been no one since you, and i don't know what that says about me

now i know why you're gone though.
i only ever reach for you when i need to be fixed
kiss kiss bang bang

[[01.04.04 // 02:55A]]

socks wet from stepping in
pools of muddy slush,
tracked in from outside
by my brother and his friends,
one of whom i'll probably have
a crush on in another couple years.
the 'take off your shoes at the door'
rule ignored when my mother isn't looking.

standing in the middle
of the street. snapping pictures
of the treetops. just out of the
shower, damp hair turning to icicles.
frozen white fingertips tracing
hearts in the snow.
tiptoeing across frozen sidewalks
that seem to last forever
when you're trying not to slip.
2 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[[01.03.04 // 08:45P]]

shower; silent kissing/thoughts of
you - empty stomach & full breasts:
we're done with drawing blood - now
it's time for making love.

but still; ring the towels out - dry
your hair, my lips to the base of you chin.
i feel/you haven't shaved in two days,
the smell of your native land &a sort of
sweltering apology
for all we've lost.
kiss kiss bang bang

[[01.02.04 // 11:43A]]

hes cutting an incision in my abdomen and severing veins and organs. a meal of my heart--served raw--brutally destroyed by his canines.

at least this is how it feels.
kiss kiss bang bang

[[12.31.03 // 09:41P]]

our subject has nervous hands
and stutters when he speaks.
he doesn't know how to
tell her that he can't do this anymore;
that sex makes him feel empty.
he can't sleep.
it alway has, even before they
met, and it probably
always will.

a conversation between a man and a woman. the woman speaks first.Collapse )
2 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

im typing this with my eyes closed, so forgive the misspellings [[12.31.03 // 01:59A]]
first draft only no revisions allowed

he rubbed his nose against her innerarm to wake her up. static electricity buzzed in the air and tapped on the window all night until someone paid attention to it. i never want to argue again kissing your shoulder. smiles stretch across our faces with closed eyes cotton sheets bond our bodies together and we're one. though youre far from here body and mind you are always here with me. survived on a slap in the face smeared with grape jelly and indolence. our time was no time. i want to hold your hand but he told me so that it was not proper. bright lights made us wince and we greeted nothingness with welcome hearts. i figured you better than dead with the strings sticking out all afray like that. i wanted to cut the snags, the tassels that just didnt look right on the bottom of the blanket of your heart. its ok now. its going to be hemmed tomorrow; the cleaner says so. please help me lift this burden up from under thebed. twas one mistake id rather not repeat if you do not mind my saying. hearts splatter on the spin cycle.
kiss kiss bang bang

[[12.20.03 // 11:15P]]

my tounge doesn't tie in knots for you,
e.x.c.e.p.t. when we move past casual conversation
kiss kiss bang bang

[[12.19.03 // 08:07P]]

fuck you. this is what i get for trying: brown paper packages tied up with snide commentary and sarcastic slews. every ribbon, a poison. every shred, a slice. fuck you. fuck you.

this was never on my mind. you are never on my mind. you hold the steering wheel and drive me to drink. drive me to act such unwritable horrors upon myself that i would much rather perform on the stage of your heart. fuck you. drink up, baby.

i'll stand here in sadness and sleet and smoke every stale cigarette down to the filter and then choke on their ends, cold fingers down my throat, self-induced vomit fresh falling on the snow with a sickening sound that's just like the first time you fell in love. fuck you.

cut out my heart in barbaric stylings and throw it on the frost-ridden grass, throbbing. take a sharp jab with a dull stick and mull over it like a starving man would a steak. flip and turn, grill me on the grass.

mix the muscle with my blood and snowflakes to make a paste of pink icing that you can spread over your next lover. delicately with your artificial, lying fingers or smear it on the small of her back heatedly, or in whatever throes of passion you throw yourself into. smear your concoction until you break her skin and bones, and you create a sweet glaze of her soul. ravage it like a wolf, but know that you’re only lying down. you’re only lying.

liar! liar! you’re heart’s not on fire!
you fucking strung up my soul on a telephone wire
(saccharine words that equaled nothing.
your nose and your ego grows with every falsity.)
cradle-robber! teenage-heart-throbber!

fuck you.
2 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[[12.17.03 // 04:41P]]

gouge my eyeballs out of their hideous sockets; maybe then i'll be prettier to space and time and paranoia. your blurred face in the polaroid
with the white border
with the white background
with your white shirt

and your fucked up excuses for the stains on your arms. your holy syringe on a pedestal. i=ablackhole.
3 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

i miss the summer. [[12.17.03 // 02:23P]]

because i was never sure who to blame. the weather or your sex. so much heat. so many mornings like, "it just feels good waking up." and every time i turned to my left you'd be found. clean skin, dirty smile. one more glance. "it just feels good when you're next to me."

everyone was jealous. i don't care what they say, they were fucking jealous of our love. our first love. they thought we'd last longer than september.

so what happened?
so who said that?
oh no. i'm so sorry.
did i hurt you?
i hurt myself.

but i am thankful for my memory. the capability to recall our hands stitched together. a permanent smile. moving with the crowd. in the dressing room. moving together. on a bus. in the pit. together.

thank you for the summer. the rest of my life will be spent trying to recreate those moments. with someone else, i guess. i guess.
kiss kiss bang bang

[[12.17.03 // 02:36P]]

don't eat that
it's poison
3 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[[12.16.03 // 04:30A]]

sometimes, we fall asleep on top of uneven grounds with our eyes wide open, because we cast our dreams across of velvet skies that surrender to the oceans crimson tide, while stars hang amongst strings to embed and twine. our hearts are temporarily held captive while unraveled fists are raised high; naive attempts to capture lifelike projections of pilots hovering above clouds in planes that resemble flocks of doves and angels that reside further above. hopeless sighs, and tilting heads, collapsing bodies lay back to rest wishing they weren't defeated, empty-handed. -- well rested but not yet awoken, we often forget that our shoelaces are untied, so we continue walking in slowly paced strides. our bags on our backs and our eyes falling upon dirt-filled walkways, noticing each passing foot print from the soles ahead of us. digits clench onto backpack straps and some even turn to the burrows of pant-pockets to hide the lifelines indented into each palm. strain forming from arching eyebrows while sweat cascades down tiresome foundations. sincerity paves the way for incidental smiles (our secondhand give outs are worn with the slightest bit of interest). we're an army of silent auctions, with the exception of cinematographic imaginations.

kiss kiss bang bang

what did she say? [[12.15.03 // 11:56P]]

and now i'm feeling so alone, how did i get this far from home without ever leaving that place? and suddenly i'm just ... taking up space, so.. obsolete and i'm wasting my breath on you.

as humans, we create so much waste. we ravage and we just take take take, but we never give.. give back to me. i'm nearly empty.

heartbeats like drums, the rhythm to which we walk - and we walk down quiet streets and we make so much noise, each step a tiny earthquake. the laughter reverberates against the inner walls of our selves, and suddenly we're dancing to this music we make.

and your sighs, like my moans - are not quite convincing. but your voice orchestrates something new.


she said, "sing this someday." and i replied, "only if it's in your ear."
kiss kiss bang bang

[[12.13.03 // 02:31A]]

let's mix up verses from thought provoking novels with profound lyric insertions from our favorite songs, and we'll discuss it over tea bags that bleed black and crumbs that fall onto wooden floors and seep in-between the cracks. i remember the endless amount of hours we would spend strapped into cushioned seats, while my feet tapped against floor mats as your fingers would trace the lines dented into my palms. the radio blasting our favorite song, and i can remember the solo you stole from under my breath "breathe out so i can breathe you in, hold you in" a promise we made with our eyes swelling and my lips tearing apart (i was never one to waste time). though we continued by speeding through highways, and hiding in the shadows from street lamps that hung low while midnight skies would ribbon themselves around our vendetta's that were usually solved by the time we came to a halt behind the lines of intersections..

peeling back the pages from chapter books just to hear the cracking sound coming from it's spine. letters turn into words and words become sentences and sentences soon discard their meaning.. a message that was sent, but long gone and forgotten. recipients rip into sealed envelopes and continue to lash out on soiled papers from ink stains, with charcoal finger prints raping the papers luminescent color. return to sender was never the second option as postage stamps were cut and paste items for collage books and boxes that were trimmed and entitled, she bent - he fold. we've rewind, or replayed, or fast-forward to see the sea-bound and seasick, those who have risen against the tide only to be knocked back down to sea-level. and i can't say that i recall a time i've ever infused such hostility from unopened letters written by the hands that were interlocking with my own..

so i'll break the barriers as honking horns scream go and traffic lights begin flashing yellow, flickering off and on as the tires move forward while smiles were fading and gazes we redirected (much like the traffic); a series of lanes pushing inward, a second hand smile passed down in hopes it would pass off as sincere as the sweat forming around our lips, wanting so badly to speak.. but the words kept inside are the words that become the sentences and the sentences that discard their meaning.. their message. a rhythmic pattern, dancing digits on knee caps and dashboards. embers falling into ash filled compartments, breathing out projections as you breathed them in (i was always one to keep my promises).

i noticed the soap suds that take shape beneath removed tea cups, as cupped lips quivered from the touch of porcelain edges. remembering the time you and i somehow always ended up underneath the rain in mid december. our chattering teeth, and forceful embraces, yet the idea of giving remembrance for something that gave meaning to all good things come to an end made my stomach toss and turn, causing my insides to tangle and knot. sitting across from mistakes made and promises broken, the give and take of post-war, a dying romance that built a grave for itself six feet beneath quicksand made of regrets without remorse.

1 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[[12.08.03 // 09:39P]]
[ mood | creative ]

would you all give me yr e-mail address &first &last names? i'm making my address book on hotmail &i want to include you ALL!

♥: m. mouse

16 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[[12.07.03 // 01:46P]]

i keep tracing these lines
pen to paper
trying to remember something i've forgotten
lost in the sands of time

lights dimmed and i return to that false world
where i've found so much security
and really all i'm doing is waxing poetic
trying to be everything im not
trying to be anything that might be appealing to you
kiss kiss bang bang

okay? [[12.07.03 // 01:41A]]

[ mood | guilty ]

i remember her trembling palms.
shifting eyes. then. his simple question,
"what did you do?"
a backward-tango of words spoken.
the puddle on the concrete.
some sweaty girl gnawing on a tongue, slurring,
"this feels like a dream."

and then my chest tightens.

it was not some nameless doll. it was not a fucking dream. my chest tightens. and i realize why girls jump out of windows when they sprinkle angel dust on their eyelids.

kiss kiss bang bang

[[12.03.03 // 02:41P]]

the girl by name of lovely, with the paranoid ovaries and the so-called pretty face, is absent. her skull has stretched, its thick, rubber casing has shed its layers. she is serene, listening to ziggy stardust and staring at the picture in the back of the album for hours upon end. the girl with the short, boyish hair; her eyes like shadows of mirrors, of escape and defeat. the girl deciphered by minds, and churned into squinty hieroglyphics.
kiss kiss bang bang

all you ever do is walk away. [[12.02.03 // 05:51P]]


she doesn't know how to forget the way his hands would glide over her hips. she has it all memorized and every night, before attempting sleep, it all comes back to haunt her. don't be fooled, you silly girl, this isn't real.

everything means nothing. when you see his face in the strangest of places, it isn't a sign or some symbol of hope. forget that it ever happened. you'll keep repeating, "this isn't happening. no, no; this just isn't possible." and when the memories won't seem to go away, you'll have to force yourself to forget. but it's only temporary.

when you tell everyone you hate him but know that you'd do anything to make him love you again, think about the times in the hotel room with the clean sheets and plain white walls and he said he'd never leave you. think about that time when you were sitting on his bed with your legs crossed and said, "i'm so scared that something will go wrong" but he kissed your forehead and assured you it'd be alright. you were so stupid for ever believing it.

it isn't your fault. no, it isn't. you fucked up and you made the same mistakes. but love is all about forgiving and sticking through each other. he was a coward because he gave up and left you in the dark. with no indication and an abnormal goodbye, you're lost and confused.

he's only human. learn to forgive him. remember to love yourself. becuase it might be okay, someday. but not today.

just never forget.
2 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[[12.02.03 // 11:38A]]

he stretched the elastic band on his breifs and let it snap back to his hips.Collapse )
3 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[[12.02.03 // 01:54A]]

i fear the snapshot seconds that are missed every time i look over my shoulder to double check the empty faces that get lost in a sea of empty spaces. i vaguely remember my childhood and i can't say i remember the conversation i had just an hour ago that somehow got lost and caught in-between tangled telephone lines. but i can recall within a matter of moments the transparent shades of gray in the sky, that would blanket the blue. i remember the way the air smelt of salt whenever bare feet would stand a distance from unsettled currents and ten stubby toes would bury themselves underneath a moist overcast of clay-like sand. my hands would almost always mistake the winds embrace as cascading fingertips, scratching the insides of my palm. and i remember it all oh so well. from the time i opened the door and saw that look of nostalgia on your face, to our late, midnight departure in a room half-full. where luggage would lay on marble flooring and airplanes would wait patiently outside of glass windows. the light speckle of tears that were mistaken for laughter and the unheard whispers, streaming through deaf ears. i feared the promised weeks that would turn into uncompromising months that had lost our promises in the years to come.

3 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[[12.01.03 // 03:50P]]

making a _kissmyfist directory. i need the following from all of you (even if i already know you & your info) please:

email address
(optional) [a website other than livejournal you'd like linked]

if you don't want any of your information listed, let me know, but i still need it for my own records. you can leave a comment or email me. asap, please! ♥.

- ness
16 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[[12.01.03 // 03:39P]]
ATTN new members:

welcome to _kissmyfist ♥. please leave your name/alias & a few of your interests in a comment. (i'm sorry this lacks enthusiasm; i have a cold, but i promise to be back on task soon.)

love, ness
4 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[[12.01.03 // 04:26P]]
truly, she did not know what was happening. truthfully, it all felt very fake. the pen & the paper that she previously turned to for comfort were no longer giving her the strength that she ohsodesperately needed. words did not flow out of her mouth & onto the paper with ease. the blank paper would stare at her. the moon was bright & the paper was dimly lit. that is when you know it is all over; when the tears & the blood all look the same to you, & bleeding is another way to relieve all of your pain. crying no longer means a thing, & nothing is ever solved. (an ongoing mystery, with no clues and / or hints to guide you along the journey). perhaps the scars will warn future partners to stay far away. this girl is crazy, they said. this girl will write songs & poems & the like about you. she will obsess over you every waking minute. this girl will not leave the house without hearing from you. this girl will fall in love with you. all you must do is tell her that she means something to you, & she is in your life forever. stay away from her, everyone. (so, this is what it is like to be alone). this is what it is like to not care any longer. this is what it is like to give up on everything that you ever believed in. stop hoping, stop dreaming, stop wishing; it never gets you anywhere, they say. broken promises & broken hearts; hand in hand. i am not asking for you to love me; i am just asking for you to hold my hand, take me through this & i promise that everything will be okay.
kiss kiss bang bang

[[11.24.03 // 05:02P]]
hi girls [&bryan],

i'd like to expand the community some, so if you know of any journalists that you think deserve to be a part of _kmf, please let me know by email or commenting here or in my journal. i love finding new writers to ooh&ah over, and i'm sure i'm not the only one.

yours in ♥,
5 \\ kiss kiss bang bang

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]