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Hi guys,

I'm working on a documentary about young people who, due to parental loss, have had to assume leadership roles in their families.  If this applies to you and you'd be interested in taking part, please read on.  Thank you for your time.

Are you adapting to a new family situation and the responsibility of raising your siblings that was unexpected? Are you still figuring out how to adjust? Then MTV wants to hear from you. We want to know how you work through all the everyday struggles of being left to take charge because you have suffered parental loss. This show is really about kids who have come together under amazing circumstances to support eachother. If you appear to be between the ages of 18-28 and have 2 or more siblings that you are now the guardian of, then please send us your story and contact information to raisingmysiblings@mtv.com

Indie Author
  • joeybug

Jessie aka _chaotictears_

She was called Jessie to her friends online, but her real name was Lynn, she died Thursday night in suspisious circumstances and her mum has been arrested on suspision of her murder, even though it was assisted suicide...she was very sick, but she will forever remain in my heart and many others.

_chaotictears_ We miss you, we love you, go to the angels and be not in pain anymore.

News article about her death
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My Loss

Im Katarzyna. In 2005 my cousin/best friend was killed in a car accident. She was just 17 years old. She wasent wearing her seatbelt when the accident happened and she was thown out of the car as it flipped. It's been a little over three years, and I still can't move on...
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The pain will never go away.

If you could only see me now you would be so disappointed. Living everyday to want to die the next. Not eating anything when it is necessary. Losing everyone who was once close to me. Anorexic and not caring about myself, only others who need my help. 

I am sorry. If I could only explain to you the pain that I suffer everyday thinking of you. If I could only fix everything. I might have been able to save you. I would only be delaying the pain longer. I am sorry for everything that you see.

I just want you to know that I am trying to recover. I have good days only to come home and realize nothing is the same and nothing will ever be okay. I miss you. I love you. I am sorry.

I think the hardest thing for me is that I never got to say good-bye.

those lost will never be forgotten

I have suffered two deaths in less than one week and it has brought much damage. I deal with it as if nothing has happened on the outside, but on the inside I am dying. I have never felt such loss in my life. I have lost many, but not two at the same time. I have been suffering inside, but no one knows. People don't realize what death does to some people. It has been about a week before her death and about two weeks before his. I miss them and will always think of them no matter what.

I miss him

I lost my boyfriend, my heart, a year and a half ago. No warning...couldn't even say good bye to him. He was so young - 25. I was 24 when he died, and I'll be 26 in May. It's going to be hard being older than him.

I miss him all the time. All day, all night. Thoughts of him pop into my head constantly. There's a piece of me that is still waiting for him to call me...for me to see him walking down the street.

One of the things I miss the most about him is the way his hand felt in mine. He was very sweet, and would hold my hand all the time, and kiss my hand. We had dinner with his parents this one night, and he was cute...he grabbed my hand under the table, and kept my hand on his thigh the entire time. I miss that.

I thought I was ready for marriage, for life with him by my side. It's hard for me to go to friend's weddings and even get togethers. I see happy couples, and a piece of me just dies inside.

And while the first year after his death was hard, I was so numb...this year is harder. His absence is more pronounced, but I miss him the same. I just miss him.
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a letter to heaven

Dear Mom,

One year this coming Wednesday. One year ago you changed me forever. You left a hole in me, like a jigsaw puzzle missing that one piece right in the center. Sometimes I hurt so much it feels like their is an animal inside of me trying to rip out.

I hate you. I love you. I miss you.

And I can't even find the words.

  • x0pherx


It's been nearly a year ago.
It's just so sad, knowing what life was like with her in my life.
It's sad, knowing what life will continue to be like without her in my life.

A year ago, last January, my Grandmother died. No one is certain what caused it, but I'm certain that her emphazema due to smoking was the bringing of her downfall. I know it's not healthy to still be this effected by it, but I feel bad. For nine years of my life I was no more than a mile away from her. I loved her dearly and she did I. But after I started going to college we slipped further and further apart.

It's not my wish that I had spent more time with her, I know I Was doing what I thought I wanted to, and she understood that. I just wish I had taken the time to chat with her, even if it was only online. So few have a chance to know their grandparents, REALLY know them. Even fewer can do so, so easily. I hate myself every day how much I took that for granted, because now it's gone. Her birthday would've been just last thursday (10/12), and so I reflect on this all.

Godspeed gram, we all know you're doing much much better now.