Emily (boxfish) wrote in _importunate,

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I'm sort of proud of myself. I've been really restricting lately, which is a big deal only because I've been trying for about 5 years, without avail. It was tough at first... and it's tough right this very moment, because I'm all the way across the country for Crossmas, and they want me to eat. Luckily, no one's said anything so far. Even if they did, I live in Vancouver. What are a bunch of Ontarians going to do?

I'm baking some cookies and fudge tomorrow, hopefully I'll be able to control myself...

I can't update with pictures, or exact CW, because... we don't have a scale. Plus, I don't take full-body shots. Not since that one time at the beach. My HW is 160 [worse than before =(], but I also have a lot of muscle (which weighs more than fat), so I don't know. I really want to be down to 120, but I think it's going to be tough for me. I hate losing muscle, but that 6 up there is mocking me, constantly. I'm assuming I'm at about 145 now, which would be... better, at least.

I just found this, http://www.healthrecipes.com/juicefastingdiet.htm, which has been sort of interesting to read.

I'm stuck because I know what I'm doing to my body is horrible, yet... I can't eat anything without feeling disgusting. At the staff christmas party on the 17th, I was laughing, eating, having fun, and just as I was about to bite my boyfriend's hamburger (it was literally half in my mouth, not yet bitten), I got this horrible fear, and something said to me, "You're a pig. They don't want to see you eating like this." I finally convinced my boyfriend that I had to purge, because he said I'd make up for it later. So, it's been since the 17th since a purge, but I haven't been on any binges either, so it's all right, I suppose.

Long-winded and confusing. Sorry, girls. Have a great night =)
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