Author: elekanahmen aka Jax
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: JJ/Emily, JJ/Will
Disclaimer- I don't own them, as they're clearly NOT chained up in my closet
Rating: R, for brief non-graphic sex (sorry girls)
Summary: Moments in time outside a New Orleans Church
Note: Inspired by the KD Lang song. Because what kind of lesbian would I be... A very, very happy birthday to gilligankane. May this be one present of many today and forever. To everyone else (maekala, lena_fan, jessi_08, sofia_lindsay and everyone else who has been my cheerleader in my CM fics. And yes, I kept an airline issue barf bag next to the computer while writing the JJ/Will.
Reposting for Archiving (I'm sorry!!!!!!!! Backdating Fail!!!)
Her hands shook as they grasped the heavy iron door handles, her hands slick with sweat, more from the profound meaning of where she was standing, and why, than the thick New Orleans heat that permeated from every direction. Her stomach was in knots. She leaned her head back, her hands still white-knuckle wrapped around the thick, twisted iron handles. She looked up at the cross peaked high above her head and groaned. Not even God could answer this one for her. She didn’t choose this. It all just fell in her lap almost two years ago.
Their eyes met as they shook hands and Hotch introduced them. “Emily, this is Jennifer Jareau, Supervisory Special Agent and our team Liaison. JJ, this is Emily Prentiss, the newest member of our team. She’ll be starting officially tomorrow but, for now, do you think you can show her around the office and bring her up to speed on how we operate, policies, procedures?”
The blonde nodded with a smile and Emily could swear she felt electricity jolting her hand as their hands clasped together
She could do this. She could open the doors and walk in, accepting what fate had dealt her.
The first time she’d seen JJ in danger, it wasn’t a matter of what her heart felt, how beautiful she thought the woman was, it was instinct. Her hands reached out for the smaller woman, spattered with the blood of God knows who or what, disheveled and frightened, like a small child freshly woken from nightmare. Morgan asked her what happened and she didn’t flinch, just kept trying to explain what happened, almost catatonic.
“I had to kill them…” She kept talking over Morgan’s voice, “They just completely tore her apart there’s nothing left…”
“JJ! JJ, look at me.” The blonde’s head snapped toward her, her eyes locking with Emily’s, “Where is Reid?”
“Oh… we split up, he said he was going around back…”
The haunted look in her eyes was enough to make Emily pull her close, stroking her hair as Morgan sprinted off after Reid.
She could hear the organ music starting, in her mind she could see the guests, gussied up to the nines, turning their head as the processional started.
The first time they kissed, it was an accident. JJ had driven an unsteady Emily home after their chaotic trip to Wisconsin that had ended up with a two-by-four upside her head and the younger agent was helping her up from the couch with the intent of getting her into bed to rest. “I’m so glad you’re staying,” JJ said, her hand tightly gripping Emily’s, easing her up.
“You are?” Emily’s eyes were confused.
JJ pulled harder than she realized, the extra inertia behind the pull causing Emily to stumble against JJ whose arms shot out instinctively to steady her. “I am…” JJ whispered softly, and as she whispered, Emily could feel her breath against the thin skin of her lips. It seemed right, almost perfect, when their lips met, half-hesitant.
Just go in there, she thought to herself, it’s where you’re supposed to be. She’s expecting you. The team is expecting you.
Emily was half expecting the knock on her room door in the Los Angeles hotel, JJ seemed particularly disturbed at the idea of losing a loved one, the thought of only having a tinny recording left of them. Over the past few weeks of secret sordid moments, the older woman had learned of JJ’s secret cravings for a pair of strong arms around her, the need for touch and affection. She knew that JJ would be craving that. She only half expected it because she never thought JJ would approach her for it while they were on a case. What she wasn’t expecting was that when she opened the door, JJ would push her firmly against the wall, her mouth on Emily’s, her tongue against Emily’s lips and searching in her mouth. She wasn’t expecting the silk pajamas to pool on the floor or the thin fingers fumbling with buttons, pushing the cotton pajama top from Emily’s shoulders. She didn’t expect to spend hours making love to JJ; hands, lips, tongues in places she’d only imagined the other agent’s hands, lips or tongue. She didn’t expect to come with her hands tangled in long blonde hair, or to hear her own voice shakily cry out the name Jennifer over and over as if crying out to God himself.
She finally let go of the wrought iron handles, lifting a hand to her cheeks to smear away the tears that had begun to stream down them.
The sound of her heart breaking, shattering, was almost as deafening as the sound of JJ’s heels clicking down the hallway, or her voice shouting his name, “Will!” Emily tried to hold herself together, to maintain the composure held up so well all these years by her piecemeal armor. She could feel her hands trembling and clenched her fists tightly while Morgan and Reid whooped and hollered at her for finally getting her man. Emily turned on her heel, walking away from the scene of JJ, her JJ, with her mouth locked onto the lips of the swaggering, drawling Detective LaMontagne, Jr.
She looked up again, at the cross that sat perched like a jewel atop the Louisiana chapel, the sun glinting off of it in a cheerful reminder of the celebration on the other side of the doors. The opening strains of the Wedding March were wafting through and all she could do was curse God in her head, unable to dam up the tears.
I’m pregnant. The words echoed through Emily’s ears like a death sentence. She was hoping this fling with Will was some sort of short lived denial that JJ needed to work through before she could handle being with Emily, admitting that she was in love with another woman. She did the only thing she could think of to maintain any sort of dignity. She let the smile crack across her face, her voice working on auto-pilot as she laughed her congratulations, throwing her arms around her… well… Emily wasn’t sure what JJ was to her anymore. She wasn’t even sure what they would become. She felt numb, hugging her former lover, her lips issuing words that her heart simply could not support.
Emily turned from the church doors, attempting in vain, once more, to wipe the tears from her eyes. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t go into that church and watch the woman she loved marry a man who she despised. She couldn’t watch him drawl his way into taking one more thing from her. She wouldn’t do it. She fumbled the keys from the pocket of her pantsuit, her shoes kicking up the dry dust in the gravel parking lot as she shuffled to her rental car.
She paused, a few strides from her destination, her eyes landing on a pair of familiar slip-on sneakers and tatty denim cuffs. Her eyes worked slowly up the familiar legs and her hand hesitated, tempting to reach up and pinch herself, as she took in the familiar swollen stomach, heavy with child. When her eyes reached JJ’s, she couldn’t hold it in any more and her armor fell away with a single sob, “Jayj… what…”
JJ smiled at her, “I’ll explain in the car. I have about sixty seconds before Will comes tearing out of that church, and I don’t want to be the one to explain to him that I can’t marry him.”
“Because I’d be lying to myself and lying to you… Emily…” her eyes and her voice were both pleading desperately, “It’s you. It’s always been you.”
“So this is it, huh?”
“How fast can you drive?” JJ smiled, shifting the duffel bag on her shoulder.