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10 June 2011 @ 06:30 pm
[Parks and Rec] This is how awesome I am. (Leslie/Ben)  
Title: This is how awesome I am.
Fandom: Parks and Recreation
Ship: Leslie Knope/Ben Wyatt
Rating: PG
Word Count: 518.
Summary: Post ep for The Fight. Leslie drunk dials Ben.
Disclaimer: Don't own it. :(
Notes: Written for a Drunk Dial prompt @ tvrealm which is the greatest comm ever and you should come and join Team Dramedy :D This is my first P&R fic, it was fun.




He’d managed to face plant into his bed when LESLIE KNOPE - PARKS DEPARTMENT flashes up on his cell phone screen at 4am and he drunk giggles because he had waaaaay too much snake juice and even flashing lights have become amusing.

“Hello Leslie Knope, Parks Department.” He answers and laughs at the formality.

“This is not Leslie Knope,” She says in a really terrible (like Dick van Dyke terrible) English accent. “This is the British po-leece.” She accentuates the vowels. “We are arresting you for being mean Ben and wearing too much plaid.”

She laughs into the phone then, loud and hard, and he laughs with her because it sounds like happiness and he is drunk and she is...drunkerer?

“I don’t wear too much plaid.” He counters lamely. He doesn’t think he does anyway. Not that it matters because plaid is cool, right? He makes a mental note to ask April later. She is a young people after all, he thinks.

“Oh, I think you doooo,” Her accent slipped, “And Britain is very, very cross.” And it‘s back again. “Plus there’s also those thin ties.”

“And that’s a crime in Britain?” Somewhere, deep down, in the coherent part of his brain he thinks she probably means tweed not plaid.

“Whatever. I’m awesome you know Benji. Like, completely…space awesome. Imagine the most awesome thing ever…then send it to the moon. That is how awesome I am. Better than Buzz Lightyear and Neil Armstrong‘s lovebaby. Leslie Armstrong Lightyear Buzz Knope. That is what men… who I have dated…sometimes… might call me.”

He nods in agreement because it’s true but he is too drunk to realise she can’t see him.

“You could have kissed my mouth tonight Ben-ja-min Wy-att.” And that’s a sobering thought, her lips, her tongue, but it’s not sobering enough and he still can’t think of anything to say (snake juice is potent.) “And that would have been awesome too. I’m, like super awesome at kissing. Baseball players can’t even kiss as good as I can.”

“What?” Maybe it’s because he’s wasted but that doesn’t make sense.

“Don’t interrupt.” She replies crossly. “I’m telling you how good I am at kissing. Don’t you want to know Ben?”

God yes. God no. This is confusing his poor smushy, alcohol addled brain. So he says nothing and lets her carry on.

“Kissing me is like flying. On the back of a bird. That is also a horse. And it smells like a rainbow.”

That is exactly how he imagined it would be.

“And you didn’t even bother.” There is vulnerability in her slurred words.

“I wanted to. I always want to.”

“Good.” She says softly and then it’s just dial tone.

He wants to store this away in his mind, she wants him to kiss her, and that is big and awesome and just what Ben wants to do. But he probably won’t remember. He is pretty damn drunk.
 
 
 
rikylrikyl on June 10th, 2011 06:05 pm (UTC)
“Kissing me is like flying. On the back of a bird. That is also a horse. And it smells like a rainbow.”

HILARIOUS. So many LOL lines. You need to write drunk!Ben/drunk!Leslie ALL THE TIME.
KELLYCAKES!miss_atom on June 10th, 2011 09:24 pm (UTC)
haha! Thank you :) I do love writing drunk dialogue ♥
sullen_aquariansullen_aquarian on June 11th, 2011 01:46 am (UTC)
I know Leslie is saying it, but I can totally see that line in an Old Spice commercial : ).

Leslie really is the cutest drinker on TV.
Nicola Jayne Awesomeberryradbiscuits on June 10th, 2011 06:16 pm (UTC)
Hahaaaaa this is delightful and very very accurate :P
KELLYCAKES!miss_atom on June 10th, 2011 09:24 pm (UTC)
hank you ♥!
and the circle gets the square: parks; ben/leslie 001lightsarefading on June 10th, 2011 06:35 pm (UTC)
“Kissing me is like flying. On the back of a bird. That is also a horse. And it smells like a rainbow.”

LMAO. That was perfect.
KELLYCAKES!miss_atom on June 10th, 2011 09:26 pm (UTC)
Thank you!!! I love your icon btw ♥
rachel-licious!: monsters love the camerasynecdoche on June 10th, 2011 06:41 pm (UTC)
I read this at the library so I have to be quiet, which was a pain because this is completely hilarious and I basically laughed at every sentence. Which is to say: I loved it!!! ♥
KELLYCAKES!miss_atom on June 10th, 2011 09:28 pm (UTC)
Thank you!! That means a lot, your leslie/ben stuff is amaaaaaazing.
rachel-licious!: parks & rec -- leslie/ben in the meadowsynecdoche on June 13th, 2011 01:58 pm (UTC)
You are so sweet ♥ I hope you're planning on writing more Leslie/Ben!! I'll just try not to read it in a library next time...
Ellie: i'm glad you're herequick_ly on June 10th, 2011 06:47 pm (UTC)
Love this! So very cute and in character :)
KELLYCAKES!miss_atom on June 10th, 2011 09:31 pm (UTC)
Thank you :)
shut up, bulgaria!americnxidiot on June 10th, 2011 07:01 pm (UTC)
She is a young people after all, he thinks.

lollll i loved all of this so much. perfect.
KELLYCAKES!miss_atom on June 10th, 2011 09:30 pm (UTC)
I am so glad you liked that line, I was kind of worried it might just come off as if I had accidentally used the plural, but I thought it was funny so I couldn't resist:D

treblebeth: hungovertreblebeth on June 10th, 2011 07:24 pm (UTC)
I really love this. And I'm going to use this line: “Kissing me is like flying. On the back of a bird. That is also a horse. And it smells like a rainbow.” at some point today.. on someone unsuspecting. bwahahaha
KELLYCAKES!miss_atom on June 10th, 2011 09:30 pm (UTC)
hahaha!! I hope that goes well for you! XD
train wreck waiting to happen: parks and rec--ben and leslie kisssassynach on June 10th, 2011 07:53 pm (UTC)
Ohh, this is so precious.

"I wanted to. I always want to."
I just want to give him a hug, and a kiss. ♥

I love this! :)
KELLYCAKES!miss_atom on June 10th, 2011 09:31 pm (UTC)
Ben is the cutest and deserves all the hugs :)
too cool for schoolpopgurlie on June 10th, 2011 08:24 pm (UTC)
i can't stop smiling. yes, more drunk!ben and drunk!leslie. adorable and perfect
KELLYCAKES!miss_atom on June 10th, 2011 09:33 pm (UTC)
Heee! I'm glad you enjoyed it!! They are very adorable, I wish I could keep them!
(Deleted comment)
KELLYCAKES!miss_atom on June 10th, 2011 09:34 pm (UTC)
Drunk people are funny.
halo_221halo_221 on June 11th, 2011 12:51 am (UTC)
Fabulous! Funny and sweet and in character!! Well done and please write more!
KELLYCAKES!miss_atom on June 11th, 2011 09:37 pm (UTC)
Thank you!! Yopu leslie/ben shippers are so nice I will definitely write more when inspiration strikes!! :D
oliviaollie_xox_tv on June 11th, 2011 06:01 am (UTC)
I’m, like super awesome at kissing. Baseball players can’t even kiss as good as I can.

i laughed so hard reading this, it's so great. i love that it's really funny, but also sweet and in character. the end made me smile like a dork.
KELLYCAKES!: [nikita] beautiful and bluemiss_atom on June 11th, 2011 09:39 pm (UTC)
:D I am so pleased this little fic is making people laugh!

Everything leslie/ben makes people smile like dorks because they are just SO adorable!
joanafromahippie on June 11th, 2011 05:22 pm (UTC)
I am laughing so hard at this :D
Leslie Armstrong Lightyear Buzz Knope.
KELLYCAKES!: [nikita] beautiful and bluemiss_atom on June 11th, 2011 09:36 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it :D
SWEEP THE LEG: it's what this moment needed: leslie + annijemanja on June 13th, 2011 11:58 am (UTC)
Haha, oh I love a good drunk dial. This is awesome. :D
Lisa: [misc] amy baby mamaboobookttyfck77 on July 4th, 2011 09:44 pm (UTC)
“Kissing me is like flying. On the back of a bird. That is also a horse. And it smells like a rainbow."

That is amazing. Absolutely amazing. And probably 100% accurate lol. Loved reading this! :)