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09 April 2011 @ 06:43 pm
[Caprica] You never should have taken my hand. (Amanda/Clarice)  
Title: You never should have taken my hand.
Fandom: Caprica
Ship: Amanda Graystone/Clarice Willow
Rating: PG
Word Count: 516.
Summary: Eventually, when time has past, when the dust has settled, they will reflect. On a trust so easily given and so easily betrayed.
Disclaimer: Don't own it. :(
Notes: Written for the fandomverse big bang theme Trust. I am normally not a big fanfic writer, firstly because I have an inability to write an ending to anything I begin and secondly because it's daunting to try and capture a character that people already know so well. Saying that you have to do three different things for the challenge and I thought 'Why not?'





Clarice watched over Amanda. God had sent her to that bridge to save her - she was the guardian of this fragile, broken woman.

She had been here for four days now. Waiting, watching, praying. The room was bright, white and oppressive. She feared for Amanda; trapped forever, lost in the sharp edges of her mind. Daniel was there too, sometimes, when the early morning sun touched her hair. He would sit, pace, stand, Clarice knew he was troubled; the weight of his conscience heavy, his work obsessive, he had lost so much. All Clarice saw was the rotten core of the Graystone family.

She was there when Amanda opened her eyes, blinking with confusion.

“Clarice?” Was the first word through her dry lips.

“I’m here. You’re all right. She squeezed Amanda’s limp hand tightly.

Later, when Amanda was discharged with her few belongings in hand, she smiled cautiously into the sunlight. Clarice stepped reassuringly beside her.

“Thank you.” She slipped her hand into Clarice’s. “For being my friend.” She squeezed tightly.

Clarice only smiled. Regret and betrayal burned in her throat.


----------------------------------


“Sometimes I think you’re the only person I can talk to.”

“Tell me everything.”

Clarice faltered, the truth pushed against her chest. It wasn’t Amanda’s time to know.

“Things can be so complicated.” Was all she offered. She could have confessed, she could have lied, she could have told Amanda how beautiful she was, damp and unkempt. A relation, a deflection, a desire.

Amanda said nothing.

“Sometimes things are different than they seem.” She tried. One day she would tell Amanda that God tests us and we should not be afraid to succeed. “Some people aren’t who they seem.” Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. She felt herself falling, her resolve breaking. “I just don’t know why.”

“Shhh…” Amanda slipped to her knees in front of Clarice. “I’m here. It’s all right.” She lied taking Clarice’s hands into her own.

“Thank you, for being my friend.”

Amanda only smiled. Things could never be the same for either of them.


----------------------------------


One’s life had crumbled to the foundation, while the other’s had been reborn from silicone and wires.

Eventually, when time has past, when the dust has settled, they will reflect. On a trust so easily given and so easily betrayed.

They will think of each other. Clarice as she preaches to humanity’s children, as she stoops to her knees for the Holy Mother. Amanda as she stokes her daughters virtual hair, as she strokes her daughter’s synthetic hair.

The hate and anger will never be forgiveness, the world will burn before either could grant that to the other. Amanda dreams of her brother and Clarice dreams of ash. They will never see each other again but the marks left on there skin will remain.

They changed each other. They changed the humanity. No chorus of angels rejoiced.





Previous Big Bang things:





 
 
 
GeekByNight: Clarice/Amanda*lurid_persona*geekbynight on April 10th, 2011 02:47 am (UTC)
This was just gorgeous. The emotions you painted were so vivid and clear. Lovely work!
KELLYCAKES!: [caprica] ac;; just an illusionmiss_atom on April 10th, 2011 08:43 am (UTC)
:) Thank you very much!!
(Deleted comment)
KELLYCAKES!: [caprica] ac;; just an illusionmiss_atom on April 10th, 2011 03:23 pm (UTC)
♥ ♥

Thank you so much!! I love them so much too, I will never be over them. :)

Maybe I will write more, I do love writing. It's just, like I said, that I suck at finishing and writing somehow feels much more vulnerable than fanart/icons. But I am pleased you enjoyed it :)
Halima: ♁ tell me everythingcartography on July 9th, 2011 02:51 pm (UTC)
Oh, man. What have you done to me, Kelly? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

I have no words for thiiis. Only one: Perfection.
KELLYCAKES!: [caprica] ac;; just an illusionmiss_atom on July 9th, 2011 02:56 pm (UTC)
ISAAAAAA!! I get the impression you finished it today :( Isn't the scene with Clarice and the cylons at the end int he church amazing. ♥

This is the only ~serious feelings piece of fanfiction i've ever written! THEY JUST GIVE ME SO MANY EMOTIONS!! I loved you. I thought you were special. KILL ME.

WHY ARE YOU OVER CAPRICA? whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

I might make some icons later, you have inspired me!!
Halima: ♁ tell me everythingcartography on July 9th, 2011 03:10 pm (UTC)
I DID :( JUST AN HOUR AGO OR SO. :(((((((( It issss amazing and perfect and just. The Bill Adama reveal. Zoe's rebirth. ALL OF THE THINGS. My god. I'd been so prepared for everyone to die. And then they didn't. And just. My heart.

I loved you. I thought you were special.
YES. YES YES YES. That. I honestly have no words for this. It's like back in my BSG days. NEVER LEAVE MEEEEEEEE, FRANCHISE.

I HATE EVERY SINGLE ONE IN THE US WHO DIDN'T GIVE THIS SHOW A CHANCE.

Yaaaay, that is great news. Can't wait to seeee, good hunting luck!
KELLYCAKES!miss_atom on July 9th, 2011 03:14 pm (UTC)
SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE AMERICAN'S SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO WATCH GOOD TV. YOU DON'T DESERVE IT PEOPLE.

Poor new bb!Bill no wonder he is such a grumpy bear.

I am going to do a Caprica rewatch after/alongside my Sarah Connor rewatch (ANOTHER AMAZING SCI-FI SHOW CANCELLED.)

Halima: ♁ tell me everythingcartography on July 9th, 2011 04:01 pm (UTC)
EXACTLY. GEEZ. ALSO, WE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO STREAM SHOWS ON OFFICIAL WEBSITES, TOO. THAT WAY, THE CHANNELS WOULD KNOW WHICH SHOWS TO KEEP ON FOR US EUROPEANS.

Right? I thought the same thing. Also true for his father; I mean, having to kill your own dad? NO LONGER SURPRISED BY THE EMO-NESS OF THE ADAMA FAMILY.

Hah, have fuuuun! And hgajsd I must find out more about Sarah Connor so I can maybe fit it into my exam schedule. Or watch if when I'm on (semi)holiday.

But ghasjd. Basically, I just want Amanda and Clarice to live together in their little cabin forever.
KELLYCAKES!miss_atom on July 9th, 2011 05:04 pm (UTC)
THEY SHOULD!! THINK ABOUT US TV MAKERS. THINK ABOUT US.

Poor Adama family. So tragic.

You should!! It is very good :D Plus it has Lena Headey and Summer Glau, you can't go wrong there.

I KNOW. URGH. I spend a great deal of my time still think about ways in which Amanda and Clarice can rekindle their romance (because, let's be honest, it was a romance) post the finale. BE HAPPY TOGETHER.
Halima: ♁ tell me everythingcartography on July 9th, 2011 05:22 pm (UTC)
WORD.

Totally.

I heard that, yes. :D

KELLY. You should write all those ways down and send them to me. Preferably in fic format, but even a list of bullet points will do. (Duh, of course it was.)
once again, misfortune has humped my leg.cata_clysmiic on July 22nd, 2011 07:44 pm (UTC)
cartography just pointed me over here (I finished the finale like literally 15 minutes ago) AND SWEET JESUS THIS FIC.

Basically I just love them a lot and you've captured this very real, aching, slow-burning and destructive quality that feels so true to canon and the heart of these two characters and their relationship and just nghhh SO MUCH LOVE.
Halima: ♁ i lost my frakking mindcartography on July 22nd, 2011 07:49 pm (UTC)
(I finished the finale like literally 15 minutes ago)

IT WAS MORE LIKE 7 MINUTES, KELLY. LOOK! I GOT SOMEBODY ADDICTED TO CAPRICA! MWAH. BE PROUD. PASSING ON THE LOVE.

ALSO, MANNN, YOU GUYS, FRIEND EACH OTHER ALREADY!
KELLYCAKES!miss_atom on July 22nd, 2011 09:14 pm (UTC)
YOU ARE A GOD IN ALL THINGS AND I BOW TO YOUR ABILITIES.

NOW DO CATHERINE!
KELLYCAKES!: [caprica] ac;; just an illusionmiss_atom on July 22nd, 2011 09:13 pm (UTC)
HIIIII!! It is so nice to see another convert to Caprica, especially one who ships Amanda/Clarice!

It makes me happy to hear that I've captured some of their awesome, it's difficult because they are so complex.

Saying that you should totally give them a go! There needs to be more A/C fic in this world :D

(ps we should totally be friends!! ♥)
wiredblowfish: pic#97983999wiredblowfish on November 21st, 2013 08:40 pm (UTC)
Coming late to Caprica. This piece is lovely! Thanks for getting Clarice and Amanda so right. Beautiful insights revealed here! Well done.