Hey there. Let me introduce myself - I'm a rather sarcastic, slightly random, generally cheerful (For the most part.) kind of person, and I just turned fifteen years old. I'm female body wise, but my brain doesn't quite match.
I was a pretty normal kid. Never thought anything was wrong - I wore pink, played with barbies, was the girliest girly girl you could ever encounter. In fact, though I've thought about this subject many times, I've tried to ignore it. Not exactly hiding my true identity or being in denial, more like trying to cause less drama for everyone involved in my life (Things are stressful enough as it is for my family at the moment.)
The first time I realized I wasn't your average person properly (instead of pushing it to the back of my mind and trying not to analyze it) was a few months ago, though I've been 'different' ever since I hit the teenage years. To put it simply, I can think like both a man and woman. I view it as a skill rather than a difficulty, always have, always will. However, something has began to trouble me.
Just lately, I've been wondering what it would be like to be male. I've actually gotten jealous of men, though I'm rarely ever jealous of anything or anyone. Sometimes, the way women think and can be so nasty and manipulative just plain make me sigh in annoyance, and I despise being female.
Sometimes I look in the mirror, wonder what I would look like as a boy, wish that I was one. I wouldn't undergo gender changing surgery. I've thought about it a lot, but I'm familiar with my body now, and I do like my long hair and enjoy dressing up and such occasionaly. And, to put it bluntly, I wouldn't want to complicate things for my future. I'm attracted to men, and changing from a heterosexual woman to a homosexual man would be to much of a shock for me. Not to mention that I don't want to bring this to the attention of my parents - they have no idea how I'm feeling. I don't feel like I could discuss this with any of my friends or family, which is why finding this community was such a relief to me. Also, I'm afraid that this is just a teenage phase, and that I would change my mind after having the surgery. However, I don't know if it is... none of my friends seem to be feeling this way. I also wouldn't consider plastic surgery, but my face is obviously female and would look strange with a male body.
I've always preferred feminine men to the masculine, manly men my friends like. My friends and family tease me about it constantly. I'm beginning to wonder if it's a reflection of my rather confused brain. I also tend to refer to myself as a guy, a dude, rather than a girl or a dudette. (Like my username on here.) This confuses my friends, and I've had several people mistaking me for male over the internet - even with an obviously female name.
Anyway, sorry to trouble you all with my little teenage thoughts.
Recently I have been pondering the question of bi gender ism, I am sure some of you have as well.
I have been dead set that I was in the ftm spectrum as I am in transition from what to what...who knows (to me ftm means many things not just for transsexuals but many people who need to make lifelong changes socially, physically, mentally in order to be healthy more whole and at peace with their inner self.
So, I have been realizing more any more how I change depending on the day, the situatio0n maybe my mood. No I am not crazy or suffering from multiple personalties.
I was going to settle in the third gendered butch area even though butch as a whole I am not was/am considering hormones, but now maybe I
The fact is gendered are so incredibly confusing one upon knowing whats about their pout together their gender identity, expression, and so on.
We have to face I think more people, given the opportunity can have a continuum and adapt to different situations. As social beings, we can be more than one tink , most people who are so rigid are not just angry and misunderstood, and I am firmly beginning to beleive in bi gendered.
One day I am more "female" in that relating to another in those things we can call looking into a comrads eyes, chatting, smiling, etc- without feeling vulberable.I can even deal with what I;Ive hated, or been prone to detest my small waist, smooth skin, maybe it is in my head. Other times, I talk in my lower voice, don't make eye contact, am more serious and independent (a male thing). Personally although I am not 'in between' female and male- I am traditional, strong, independent, don't like to cry, but I acknowledge the fluidity of my gender, just need to put all the pieces together
Melanie is what my birth certificate says, and ever since I can remember I’ve been this way, female wanting to be male. Even as a kid. I’d identify more with the guys. I’d have more fun wrestling or playing football than I did playing with Barbie dolls or playing house. And when I did play house, I wanted to be the husband, or anything that had to do with being the guy. I don’t know what I am, transgender, androgynous, or just confused. But I DO know I’m unhappy, and that I’ve been unhappy with myself for a VERY long time, I’m 23 and I’ve felt deeply this way for about half of my life. The only time I am happy when it comes to my gender identity is when I think about being a guy and doing “guy things”. As stupid as it sounds, I wish genies were real because I know my first wish would be to turn myself into what I really want to be. Then I wouldn’t have to go through some psycho analysis I can’t afford, and my family and friends would always know me as this person that I want to be so I wouldn’t be so afraid or unsure as to what to tell them when it comes to how I feel. Sometimes I feel like I’m going insane, I hate to be out in public, I never feel comfortable around people because of the way I think. The only thing I can think of to do is to talk to people who relate with my situation. But I don’t know anyone around where I live and forums get too confusing. So that’s why I’m here. Hoping that someone will respond and just for one second help me make sense of all this.
Hi, I'm Ray. I'm 22 years old and I'm "androgynous"! I identify myself as male but I do have qualities that most people would see as feminine. I do have a "hard" exterior with a few pierceings, scruffy facial hair, and I do tend to dress in a baggier style (kinda hip hop meets skater). I've always been the pretty boy and maybe it has affected me. People seemed to treat me differently because I looked like a girl. Many people think I am who I am now because I was so feminine looking. I have reletives who insist I'm homosexual because I have a girly face. I think that is bullshit but I'll let people believe what they want. Pretty much like all of you, I can't summarize my gender situation in a few paragraphs.
so, yup... feel free to talk to me and we can discuss our feelings and stuff. It'll be FUN!!!
A non-transgender-inclusive ENDA? No way!
September 27, 2007
Roberta Sklar, Communications Director
WASHINGTON, Sept. 27 —
What follows is a statement related to reported developments involving the Employment Non-Discrimination Act. Statement by Matt Foreman, Executive Director National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, Inc.
“If media reports from the last 24 hours are accurate, it is unconscionable that congressional leaders would rush to a decision to strip protections for transgender people at the same time as states across the nation are adding these protections at an unprecedented pace.
“Over the last few days, we have heard rumors swirling around Capitol Hill about last-minute jitters some Democrats are having about the gender identity language in ENDA. These were expected, as the language was new to the bill this year. Rather than immediately abandoning gender identity at the first sign of nervousness among a few members, House leadership should have worked with the community to shore up the needed support, just as they did when they voted to pass transgender-inclusive hate crimes legislation in the spring.
“Gender identity language has twice passed through the House in the hate crimes bill, and earlier this year there were similar last-minute concerns among new members. We were able to overcome them then, and should be given the chance to do so now. It is incredibly ironic that today, the same day news is breaking about the House removing gender identity protections from ENDA, the Senate just voted 60–39 to allow a voice vote on a transgender-inclusive hate crimes bill. The bill then immediately passed.
“States as diverse as Colorado, New Mexico, Oregon and Iowa have all made discriminating against transgender people in the workplace against the law. Thirty-seven percent of Americans now live in jurisdictions that have workplace protections based on gender identity — just 14 percent fewer than the overall number (51 percent) who are protected on the basis of sexual orientation. These victories are a direct result of statewide LGBT rights organizations and state legislative leaders holding firm against last-minute concerns and not giving up at the first sign of trouble.
“The Task Force is very proud of our history in being the first national organization to oppose a non-transgender-inclusive ENDA. We have worked very hard to add transgender protections to this bill and now it is time for the final push, not to give up before a fight. We implore Speaker Pelosi, Chairman Miller and Representative Frank to abandon pursuit of a sexual orientation-only bill and return instead to the real work needed to pass a fully-inclusive ENDA that will protect all members of our community.”
Earlier today, the executive directors of nine national LGBT organizations sent a statement opposing the removal of protections for transgender people from ENDA. Read the statement here: http://www.thetaskforce.org/press/releases/prENDA_092707
Please take a moment to call these members of Congress and let them know you want transgender workers protected in ENDA:
Representative Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, 202-225-4965
Representative Barney Frank, chief House sponsor of ENDA, 202-225-5931
Representative George Miller, Chairman, House Education and Labor Committee, 202-225-2095.
If you can take the time, call your Representative as well.
Find your elected officials: http://www.congress.org/congressorg/officials/congress/
I have been thinking on this issue before about finding a male name for myself, and really, I have, however it is is simply the male variant of my given name, not bad in and of itself, but even more unusual.
the name in question is
any thought on choosing "odd" or unusual names for yourselves?
I was actually, happy and content. I was getting ready for her arrival- the moment when it would go from a net-phone relationship to one where we could actually touch. She had bought her plane ticket, and everything seemed -perfect-.
Prior to her ever buying the ticket I had spoke to her again and again, if I was what she wanted, if she was -sure-. If a little genderqueer pansexual thing is actually what she wanted to be with. We had gone though hell and back, broken up once before due to my stupidity and fear. / that and she got paranoid and went possessive on me and started asking me who my friends where on my lj that playfully flirted with me.... the married women I am friends with./- but we got back together under conditions we'd talk to each other, stay in touch and work to keep the relationship alive. both put effort into it....
total up how long we had been a couple it'd be 6 months. we spent 3 months planning her coming to see me... then me working to go to cali to see her. Or even me helping fly her back here to accompany me and my family to Disney world..
in the past two days.. I learned that she had been cheating on me with a guy for .. about a week or so.
That for that week she still told me she loved and missed me, couldn't wait till august when she would be here... we even made plans for when she showed up. I scheduled my vacation around her showing up.
I had a friend stay at my house so she could look at a college here, It was a nice break from my daily routine of work/sleep/computer. I poured my heart out to my friend about how damned happy I was with -my gf-. My Friend B even grabbed my cell phone off me and talked to her for a bit.
And now I learn she was fucking some GUY behind my back. /She was a virgin before this and used to tell me how she wanted me as her first./ That . that whole time she was also with him... and telling me that I meant something to her. That she actually loved and missed me. I didn't find out till late July 4th. That morning it was the normal I love yous. I go to spend time with my grandmother. I come home to get everything dropped on me-someone else.. she fucked him....she lied to me..and she still wanted me in her life and loved me, but couldn't visit or date me...../ which of course lead to me breaking down crying and blocking her for the night/. the following day at about midnight she finally calls me-after another fight on aim-.
I will fully admit I was a rude, mean, pissed off swearing bastard here.
She really didn't sound like she was even hurt. or upset. all I could hear in her voice was her struggling to find excuses.. for so much. / including how she told me she refused to change her silly little myspace status from single to in a relationship.. because her friends might ask and she didn't want them to know she was with me. But damn.. she changed it FAST for him.../.. he knew she had a gf..that I existed. and they both still fucked each other??? Did I mean nothing to her? Is he that big of a jerk to screw someone else's gf??
It feels as if.. she didn't take the relationship seriously, me seriously, that she was ashamed of me. That she was/is a bi-curious straight girl. and I was nothing more then a long distance experiment not worth caring about. It makes me sick about this. I honestly feel as if the labeled as -freak- as been stamped on my head. I feel as if I was hidden.
That I wasn't important enough to be known about. Because I'm not a real boy. I don't know where to go from here. I do know I can't talk to her right now. I can't, not without wanting to cry and doubt myself even worse.
I need some time to calm down, and try my best to just move on I guess.I don't understand how this happened. Why she did certain things.. why she lied to me, hid me. It makes me feel.. -like lesser of a human-. somehow.
Finding -like bodied- etc folks in my area is. impossible. I know of two, both boys and both I sorta work with. finding trans-butch-femme and such. I don't know where to even start. Such a small little farm town. I work 6 days a week.
I just don't know where to go from here, or what to do, think or feel. other then hurt right now.
I don't know right now.