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Tue, Sep. 15th, 2009, 01:06 am
fleakfragfry: this confusion

My wife and I don't believe in gender. Not really. Sometimes it seems like the whole world is so hung up on gender, so afraid of their own sexuality. We both have this insatiable desire for personal/sexual expression, but in this society, that tends to translate into apprehension, fear, and antisocial behavior. Way back in the stoneage (remember the 90's?) there was this freak badge of honor many of us loved to wear. Turns out all those freaky kids were really just a bunch of squares. And to tell the truth, I'm tired of feeling like a freak. I'm not a freak. I'm just a human who has an understanding of my own primal nature. Or some bullshit like that. Not to get all serious, I mean, I don't really take myself all that seriously, and I certainly can't call myself gay, or straight, or trans, and lately I don't even feel comfortable calling myself queer. I used to say I was a dike, but that's not right either. I don't wanna call myself anything. I don't want to call you anything either. Does this frustrate anyone else? If there's safety in numbers, is there any hope for our sense of security and acceptance?

Tue, Sep. 15th, 2009 02:13 pm (UTC)

"Queer" is what I've generally stuck with, but people tend to assume you mean "lesbian", which I'm not, so I've grown increasingly uncomfortable with using ANY label. "Pansexual" is good, but takes awhile to explain properly.
I've decided recently that it's not my job to explain myself to the world, and it's none of the world's damn business. I'm just going to do my thing and forget about trying to have a label for someone else's convenience. Maybe it's just the Libertarian in me coming out, but I almost feel like having any label is really just a matter of telling people what you like to do in the bedroom, which is NONE oF THEIR DAMN BUSINESS.
Umm... yeah. That's my little rant. :)

Tue, Sep. 15th, 2009 05:50 pm (UTC)

Oh yeah, that's exactly how I feel. It's not exactly a regular point of conversation for me, and it's not anyone's business unless I'm close to them. But at the same time, it would be nice to be able to chill with like-minded people in person, you know? I go online, and there's tons of people who follow that pansexual mindset. But when it comes to meeting people in the meatsphere, it's like walking into the dark ages. Do you have friends who share similar points of view, or identities? It just seems as though people of this sort of vague sexuality/social attitude are peppered so thinly across the globe. Thanks for the reply.

Sun, Oct. 18th, 2009 08:13 pm (UTC)

you have to remember that you arent alone. being a person is a whole lot more validating than trying to fit into the fifty-fifty split that designated gender roles encompass. for some of us, none of the words fit. my resolution finally came around when i found another person who just accepted me for every little piece and part that i come with. it is really just luck of the draw as to whether youre born male or female. physically, i am female, but any self-respecting being could tell you that the designation of physical characteristics is plainly just that. i have finally decided for myself that surgery is out of the question, and it really does have a lot to do with accepting that the parts youre born with dont always speak truly to the intricacies and mind-boggling complexity of being human. Boy and Girl are just words. there is no word in-between, but when you get right down to it they dont even matter. keep on being exactly who you are, and know that there are people out there who are just as downright frustrated as you are. i am one of them! you cant expect everyone to comprehend the situation the way your peers from a similar place do, but as long as your relationship continues to be an encouragement and a source of growth in your life, the terminology can just be tossed out the window. love is love, and understanding is big part of it. it sounds to me like you have found someone who is right there on your level. to society i am just a tomboy, but my partner and i are happy and comfortable with eachother and that is really what counts, when you get right down to it! the sense of security and acceptance you are seeking has always been right within your reach. it comes from within. there is no shame in being a Person, and no more merit in being a woman than being a man or vice-versa. remember that no matter what society is ready to deal with, you are who you are and you are just as valid as anyone else is. someday "man" and "woman" will merely be medical terms. thats sort of how i think of it. keep on being you! after all, what else can you do? You're accepted, in my book.

Mon, Oct. 19th, 2009 01:06 am (UTC)

I really appreciate that. And it's true, ever since getting together with my wife, I don't feel like a freak anymore. Not even "I'm a freak, and proud!" I just don't feel freakish at all. The only thing missing is a small group of people to have drinks with, that sort of thing. I'm not actively searching or anything, I'm just sort of saying it would be nice to see more people out there who DON'T subscribe to some gender based view of normalcy. You, for instance, seem to be cool as shit, right on our level. Why can't there be more people like you? Obviously not just like you, or just like me, but with a similar outlook on how people connect. We're social creatures, and communion with others is almost as important as our most basic needs. Granted, I'm extremely lucky to have my wife. She makes me feel like my gender doesn't matter at all. But hey, as totally awesome as I am, believe it or not (I know it's a lot to swallow) but... yes, it is possible to get sick of me. No, no, don't argue, I know I'm great and all, but still....LOL. In other words, it can still get lonely just the two of us. But not in any dramatic way. Just a sort of vague feeling. Thanks for the support.

Tue, Mar. 9th, 2010 09:58 am (UTC)

Yes, you're not a freak, and not even "in-between." You're you, completely, whether or not there are "words for it"!

Tue, Mar. 9th, 2010 09:56 am (UTC)

It can be hard to deal with that when everything seems to exert a pressure to identify, and things seem kind of politicized in some social circles.