RadicalSam (radicalsam) wrote in _here2help,
RadicalSam
radicalsam
_here2help

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hi i'm new here

I seem to be lacking someone to actually listen to me, well besides my sister in law, and it helps when we talk on the phone, but, anyways,

I feel like I'm trapped. I'm a 19 y old Army wife, I love my husband very much, more than my own life, and I am very thankful to have him and everything we have, how ever, I don't have a driver's license, no job, and I don't have a drivers license. And unfortunately we live a good distance away from any place that I could work at. I have no problem in walking to work, I did that before, but then  my husband says there's too many weirdos on the street. And I want to go to work on post and go to school at the post college, but he says " oh some sidewalks you're not allowed to walk on".

And my driver's license. I can  drive automatic, my husband has a stick shift. He's promised me  that he would help me practice driving stick shift and help me get my license. But recently, my mom in law said when we go visit them in the summer, if my husband didn't take me, she would get my license. And when I told my husband that it seems like now he's waiting for that. And this weekend, he's got a 3 day weekend and he promised this time he would help me practice, because I pestered him about it. I can't help it. I need to learn and I need a job.

But I know he wont get around to it. And I feel so trapped , I don't like to bring my feelings up to him, because , right now he's home for lunch break, and I kind of told him how I felt and he said he didn't like to see me sad because it makes him feel sad and somewhat angry. And I always feel guilty making him feel bad, because he pays for everything, and he works, in the Army and probably has to deal with all sorts of shit everyday. So I try to hide my feelings and keep them bottled up inside. I  sometimes talk to some of my friends and they help make me feel better temporarily, but the feeling usually comes back.

I feel so helpless and trapped, to the point of , like, I will walk to the town here, to work at the strip club. I 'm tired of being moneyless and stuff, and I think I have to depend on myself because obviously I know my husband won't take me looking for jobs or even take my driving practice. I also feel that in a way, he wants me to be soley dependant on him so he can always feel like he's got the control over every situation. But I think its just him being lazy.

And he just left to go back to work, I feel like sometimes I'm just a waste of breath and I'm always stressing him out.So I always just keep my feelings to myself, I probably will until I just feel like ending it all. It hurts so much because I really do love him.
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