superapo (superapo) wrote in _here2help,
superapo
superapo
_here2help

Help.

I self-injured for the first time today, right now. I was in the bathroom, about to take my shower. I took one of my Dads razors out of the cabinet, and cut my arm. 3 across, 1 down, through them. I screwed up so bad. Its all I do recently. Screw up. 
I liked it though. I liked seeing the blood flow out. I want more. I hate this. I never thought I would be able to do something like this. I dont even feel depressed most of the time. I mean yes, I do have my moments, but i usually manage to reason with myself, make myself look on the positive side and get over it. I didnt feel depressed before i did it. Im just such a freaking idiot screw up
Shit shit shit shit shit. This sucks. I hate my life write now. I hate myself right now. Im fucking terrified. I dont want to be like this. I just know Ill do it again.
I didnt feel anything when i did it. I wasnt even thinking.
Help. I need help. Please. I dont know what to do.
The bleeding stopped. It wasnt deep cuts, or big cuts. Buts its all red now. I did it at the top of my forearm, the thickest bit of my arm. 
Help. Im scared.

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