Twitch (foxraven) wrote in _healingsupport,

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I am new to this community. I'm going through a bit of a hard time though some people might view it as trivial.
I graduated from college in May of '06. Between May and August, everything was okay because I was working summer security as an on-call and the gave me a room to stay in. I moved into my apartment in August and here's what has happened since then:

~I was promised a better job but then was told that it wasn't able to happen. ( I was hoping to get it so that I would be able to actually pay rent)
~I moved into the apartment only to be kicked out four months later.
~Since I had to move out of the apartment, I had to quit the two jobs I was working so now I am jobless and living with my parents and little brother.
~I have over $12,000 in credit card debt and about $15,000 in student loans to pay back, plus the rent I owe the apartment which just keeps adding on to itself.
~I had an interview for a job that actually had to do with my major, but I didn't get it.

The thing is, that I'm going to be 24 and I don't have a job while my brother, at 18, does. He is getting paid more at his job than I did at either of my jobs and I think he takes it for granted. Sometimes I feel he looks down on me because sometimes he treats me as if I'm stupid and can be disrespectful.  I guess it doesn't help that I majored in Fashion Design but that doesn't mean that I don't have any brains.
With all that is happening, I've been thinking some pretty bad thoughts.  I know doing stuff to myself won't help but it feel like it could (I haven't done anything yet).   I'm feel angry, sad and useless all at the same time.  My whole family is going through money problems right now and I know that they feel bad because they can't help me financially.

I just miss being on my own or at least being able to have my own space.  I feel like a burden even though I know that they don't think I am.  I know my one aunt means well by letting me know about places where I can apply, but it doesn't help when she keeps telling me that she told me that I wouldn't be able to do anything with my major.  But being creative is the only thing I have going for me.  I couldn't be an engineer or doctor because though I'm smart, I'm not that smart.   I'm just depressed.

I think this community is a blessing.  Even if I only make a couple posts a month or so, I can let stuff off my chest.
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