My dads headstone goes on today. I was told yesterday and i burst into tears in an estate agens where my sister works. Then i got a phone call off my step mother and she told me last night. After i got off the phone i cried again.
I have been kidding myself. All the while the headstone has not been there its not felt absolute, real, or final. Now the headstone is going in it feels that - This is the end. He is dead, My Dad is dead.
The mound of earth in the graveyard has an identity. The grave has been named. There is no more pretence of it not being my dad.
It really feels like he has died all over again. I feel like i did the morning i was told. A slight difference as it feel real now and back then i was numb and in denial.