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[Mar. 21st, 2006|06:03 pm]


I lost my Dad on Feb 28th and burried him on 17th March 2006. I am at a loss as to what to do how to feel and what to say.

I am all over the place. One minute i am crying the next i am not and able to do day to day stuff. Other days i am unable to do anything just lay in bed and cry in so much pain.

I have never lost a parent before.

He lived 3 hours away from me and i was about to see him at the weekend but died before i could. I never did. I had not seen him for a while as had no transport to get to him. I feel so guilty for not going earlier.

He had renal failure, and was diabetic on dialisis at home. He was really ill. He had not long been out of hospital. I was told it would be best to wait for him to come home before seeing him. I wished i had not now. My sister and brother had seen him but not me.

I just want to tell him i love him and hug him but will never get that chance again. I did speak to him the night before and i felt there was something wrong. I even told my partner that night that i felt there was something wrong.

[User Picture]From: xlostx_xfishx
2006-03-21 09:32 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry. I know you're probably tired of hearing people apologizing for your loss. I've lost a close family memeber recently too and I just want to say that the people that are around and love you understand that mourning doesn't end within a day, within a week, within a month, it doesn't just go away. not when you love someone that much. i don't think anybody knows what to do except to keep on living and loving.
My best wishes to you.
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[User Picture]From: futhark
2006-03-21 09:54 pm (UTC)
Thankyou. I think i am expecting too much of myself at this time. I thought after th funeral i would feel relief or ease or something lifting but cos i did not its made it worse.

Again thanks for you kind words.
Love Teri
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[User Picture]From: star382000
2006-03-21 09:42 pm (UTC)
I am so sorry for your loss. Thankfully I have never lost a parent, but it was hard when I lost my granpa. Just know that it is not your fault and that you couldn't have changed the outcome. Know that he's not in pain anymore. I don't know what you believe, but it really helped me to think that my Granpa is in a better place and there's this song we had about it, that if we could only see him now we wouldn't ever want him to leave that place he is (Heaven). Have you tried talking aloud about it, or writing your feelings down and what you would like to say to him? That may help, and sometimes burning things like that helps, because in a way it is sending it up to him :) I hope that I could help somehow..if you want to talk about it or anything at all just message me or leave a message in one of my LJ entries that isn't FO :)
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[User Picture]From: futhark
2006-03-21 09:56 pm (UTC)
I am glad he is in no more pain. I have tried the letter thing, i even made him a memory bag that i put letters in. I have bought a book to write to him and see if that helps. Just telling him my day to day stuff and putting down all the stuff that i would love to have told him but did not.

You have helped thankyou

Love Teri
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[User Picture]From: star382000
2006-03-21 10:13 pm (UTC)
The memory bag and journal are great ideas! I hope that they help, good luck to you, and if you need a friend I'll try and help and listen etc. :-)

I tried to find the lyrics, online and saved on the computer, but I found the print out of them we have hanging on a wall next to a picture tribute to him so I'll type them up, my mom put them on stationary with the sea and sky behind it

If You Could See Me Now

Our prayers have all been answered,
I finally arrived;
The healing that had been delayed
Has now been realized.
No one's in a hurry,
There's no schedule to keep;
We're all enjoying Jesus,
Just sitting at His feet.

If you could see me now,
I'm walking streets of gold.
If you could see me now,
I'm standing tall and whole.
If you could see me now,
You'd know I've seen His face.
If you could see me now,
You'd know the pain's erased.
You wouldn't want me to ever leave this place
If you could only see me now.

My light and temporary trials
Have worked out for my good
To know it brought Him glory
When I misunderstood.
Though we've had our sorrows,
They can never compare.
What Jesus has in store for us,
No language can share.

Repeat Chorus

I hope I haven't offended anybody by posting those obviously religious lyrics, but they helped me a lot in dealing with the loss of my granpa years ago.
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[User Picture]From: trickery
2006-03-21 09:46 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry for your loss, I know it may sound cliche - but time will make it better. You sound a lot like you're in shock and all that. I really recommend finding someone you can talk to about your dad to help you remember the good memories. Writing a letter to him might also be helpful; a lot of my friends said letters are an excellent way to vent. I'd offer my own time, but I'm rather limited on time and I don't know if you'd want to talk to a complete stranger.
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[User Picture]From: futhark
2006-03-21 10:00 pm (UTC)
Tahnks for the words of support they have been helpful. I am writing letters. I went and saw him and gave him a memory bag with bits and letters in. Talking to a stranger at the moment would be hard. Maybe in a while that would be great. At the moment its too raw and everytime i say Dad i just lose it.

I am an artist but have never done a portrait but i am going to attempt in a few weeks to do his portrait. Hopefully that will help too.

Thankyou again you have helped.
Love Teri
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[User Picture]From: trickery
2006-03-21 10:12 pm (UTC)
I know it's hard to talk about something so devastating so soon after it happened, that's why I didn't stress that you could talk to me. I'm glad I could at least help somewhat. Best of luck with the portrait and letters. ♥
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