User Name: c_cret20
Interests: Wow...forgot what these are with work and school :( Um I guess music, being with family, and laughing
Favorite things: Warm rain it makes me want to cry, in a good way
Can we friend your personal journals? sure!
And any additional information that you'd think we'd like to know: I joined cause I already type all my feelings into word documents and read over it again and again and then delete it. And I'm new to LJ.
I just feel like I need to write this all out so maybe it will help me realize what’s going on. Sorry for the horrible grammar and punctuation!
I've went to school with Hayden all the way up to high school. Never really talked to him until senior year. Hung out with him with my best friend Sara. We would spend long nights just the three of us talking. He is a really funny guy, very constricted by his parents. So he has never been kissed or had a girlfriend. As usual the whole Sara ask Hayden for me thing occurred, but he didn't want to take me to the dance because there was another girl he wanted to take. I never really hung out with him without Sara until after graduation. We hung out on his birthday all day long. And his parents asked him if I was his girlfriend, he texted me the convo And wrote “we're just friends right?”. I lol'd back and put “yes”. Then he texted back “good”. He'll buy movie tickets for me, and once bought expensive concert tickets. While Hayden moved a few hours away to college we were spending lots of the final days together. He even bought me a bracelet when he was out of state (just cheap one from claries’) & wears my cat necklace that I just put on him all the time at college. Sara told me that he liked me, I said ya right but then she said she was serious and back when we would have our talks we asked him who the hottest girl in our grade was and he said some girl, but he admitted to Sara that it was really me. Once she told me this I actually started imagining going out with him. And all of a sudden realized what a great couple we would make. He used to always talk about how hot my older sister was but all of a sudden he just stopped bothering me about it.
Now to the present day: We talk about 3 times a week for about 2 hours on the phone (not including texting). When he comes back to visit he hangs out with me a lot. I always talk about guys who hit on me or hot guys, I wish I wouldn't but I just hope it will force him to say some jealous remark, and sometimes it does. I just recently had a one night fling of sorts with a guy and I honestly felt like I was cheating on Hayden. I really want him to ask me out, but I know he isn't confident enough, and I’m afraid if I kiss him it would feel like I'm kissing my brother. But the thing that is different about him compared to past boyfriends, is that I thought the boys I went out with were tough and hot, but when the relationship was over I realized their sense of humor sucked and they were just dorks in "hot" bodies. With Hayden I already know he is a dork and that is what makes me like him even more and I’m never afraid to say anything perverted or weird around him and our senses of humor match a lot. But creepily enough sometimes I just imagine us getting married and having kids, and always being happy. In the end I feel like the main thing that would make me really fall for him and see him as the boyfriend type would be for him to have the balls to sweep me off my feet and ask me out.