I have no drive to do anything today. I'm tired, depressed, and more pessimistic than usual.
Yesterday my boss said something to me, which I think is what set the mood off. I'd emailed one of the people in a company we do business with. Usually, this person responds to me pretty quickly. However, he took hours to get back to me. So, my boss looks at me, and says, "I'm sorry, Suzanne, I guess he doesn't like you, either. You'd better call your mom and dad before you commit suicide."
He smiled at me while he said this. In his sadistic little brain, that may have been just a joke. However, I am going to therapy because I'm clinically depressed and have contemplated suicide before!
I'm not stupid. My boss hates me. Fine. But he doesn't have to make it seem like everyone else in the world does, too!
What's worse is he actually got to me, and I started wondering if any of my friends cared about me. How screwed up is that?
I even asked my boyfriend if he really loved me. He looked at me very strangely. I must have sounded crazy.
Even though we were having fun last night, I still felt disconnected. I wasn't happy. I'm even more unhappy today. But I've figured out why, at least.
I wish I could find a new job. I'm sick and tired of being in abusive relationships, and this is just another one.
I need an out, before I go completely nuts and snap. I'm afraid I'll start drinking or cutting again. I don't want to do either. I'm scared.
God, please help me...