User Name: c_cret20
Name: Bree
Birthdate/Age: 19
Interests: Wow...forgot what these are with work and school :( Um I guess music, being with family, and laughing

Favorite things:  Warm rain it makes me want to cry, in a good way

Can we friend your personal journals? sure!

And any additional information that you'd think we'd like to know: I joined cause I already type all my feelings into word documents and read over it again and again and then delete it. And I'm new to LJ.

 

try_and_stop_me

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Here's the history-
I have been with my husband for a total of 5 and a half years (3 yrs dating, 2 and a half married). We're both 22 yrs old. He's a Marine and he's getting out of the Corps in about a year from now.

(And please, no one give me that whole "Well, you should have talked about this before you got married" thing. It was known between us our whole relationship that we wanted to have children eventually... it only started changing after he joined up.)

My husband and I have gone back and forth about having a baby since we got married. We finally ended up on that we were going to wait a few more years; at least 3 or 4. I was talking to my friend and she told me about something her husband told her- 3 of our friends and my husband were sitting around one day about 2 months ago (in Iraq) and the guys got to joking that I was gonna be the next one to get pregnant, b/c all of our friends have children. They've said this before and I always found it funny. So the next time I e-mailed my husband, I said something about it and how I found it amusing and all. He writes back saying that he doesn't want kids and that maybe one day he will but as far as he's concerned, right now he doesn't want kids ever. Now, he's never said to me before that he never wants to have kids.
I'm getting really... anxious; I guess that's the right word. I don't know how sure he really is about "never" having kids, but I want to start having my family around the time I'm 25-27 years old. I'm just really worried right now that I might have wasted the last 6 years of my life with a man who I have no future with. I want children, that's not something I can just let go. And I love my husband more than anything... but right now all I can think is that I might have to leave the man that I love b/c he doesn't want children.
How long am I supposed to wait before I make this decision? If he tells me now that he is 100% positive that he doesn't want kids and then 2 years from now he changes his mind again... What am I supposed to do?

xblissfulyouthx

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 User Name: xblissfulyouthx
Name: Jon
Birthdate/Age: 20 years old
Interests: slacking, procrastinating, being emo, obsessing about life, doubting everything, finding answers, talking
Favorite things:family, friends, sleep, partying....i like to flirt between both polar opposites
Can we friend your personal journals? If you want to....at your own risk
And any additional information that you'd think we'd like to know: I am on livejournal sporatically.....so i may post like a bajillion entries in a week than not be on for a week or so........my livejournal is where i get out my dark side...where i write about my problems......in an attempt to get it out.......or figure it out........

In a funk....behind in classes.......skipping classes....my weak lazy nature has finally caught up with me.....i know the solution...i just don't want to do it...i want to give up....sink into my bed where in my comfortable sleep world I can escape my troubles ive brought upon myself...thats true laziness there people....true laziness....true irresponsibility....true weakness...its so pathetic....IM so pathetic....yet i don't have the will or self-discipline to get a hold of myself....im a lost cause....waste of time, breath, space.....don't worry i don't have the will to do anything bad....im that low....so much work to do....don't feel like ill ever get caught up...All this is my fault....I could've so easily prevent or fix this yet I don't want to....isn't that wierd? .....i don't pity myself...i hate myself....yet im a wussy little bitch who has emo pity partys all the time....that makes me hate myself more....yet i won't change...wierd.....I always want to take the easy way out of responsibility, work, or anything requiring effort...its like i love being moppey and pitiful and whiny and all self-woe-is-me, maybe its cuz i don't want to face reality. Interesting. Sad.

...i always try to take the easy way  outta things...ditching any work or effort or responsibility that comes my way....i get myself into a rut and then whine about it when its all my damn fault....I  hope anyone who reads this will give me a big slap in the face and tell me to grow up and stop being such a lame little emo bitch, get it together and get some self-discipline......god knows i need it

tonberrycake

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I find it odd - see, I just created this LiveJournal (I've been a member of the site for years, but I've moved between journals. Deleted my last one recently and created this new one today), and before anything else, even my first post in my own shiny new LJ, I'm posting in a community, a venting community. Strange.

So, the vitals:

User Name: tonberrycake
Name: Is it alright if I don't offer it? Just think of me as That Guy.
Birthdate/Age: 12-2-86, 21 years old.
Interests: Music, singing, anime, reality TV (some competitions, and some documentary stuff like The First 48 or MythBusters), video games, writing, CSI: New York, reading.
Favorite things: CSI: New York, numerous video games (Suikoden in particular), Dance Dance Revolution, Asian guys, pop music, discussing music, sleeping, and reading good fanfics.
Can we friend your personal journals?: The community itself? I suppose. The members? We'll see, I like to get to know people first.
And any additional information that you'd think we'd like to know: I talk, a lot. I'm also not much of a religious person (even though I believe in karma and realize it's kicking my ass) And I have a lot to get off my chest, and it all won't be covered in one entry, I can promise you that.


So! Let's get cracking, shall we?

( The gist of one of my big problems.Collapse )

God, that was a load off my shoulders. To anyone who read, thanks for reading, overlong as it was. Any advice I'll try to take to heart, but... well, you saw how I am in those posts.

I'm going to cross-post this to a few other communities, if that's all right. I just want all the help I can get here. I want to die, but I want to hang on, you know? It's... very confusing.

hbworldlifexo

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i hate her.
i hate her, i hate her, i hate her.
i know i shouldn't, since i don't REALLY know her.
but i do.
( Under a cut to be safeCollapse )

dalmatica_78

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I think it's safe to say this community as well is dead. Is it going to be deleted or what? No point being here if people cease to use it.

dalmatica_78

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This bothers me. I've been thinking about it for a few days..I guess it's a preference thing or whatnot. How is it that I am "unintelligent" just because I'm not like someone else? My intelligence is based off of different things other than what famous person quotes what phrase or some stupid song. Just because I'm not into most modern music..these people get annoyed with me because I am different. Because I am innocent or whatever.

What I am saying is some people don't step back and take a look at the positives of what makes me, ME. Heck when it comes to gardening,hunting,crafting,medicine,artwork,music composition. I happen to think I am pretty good, and am quite a skeptic critic about my work. Everyone has something they are good at. Perhaps I appear a little flighty, that's just the outside of me.

Underneath, I am a different person. Yes, stupid things make me laugh, like that mountain dew/Halo 3 commericial...well most people don't get it, but I DO. I know exactly what they people are saying in those languages, so yeah, it's funny.

I love to analyze things. I think I agree with he who shall not be named in that my mind really is on a level scientific. When I compose music, I hear it in my mind as if it where the Philharmonic symphony playing between my ears, everything...the beats, the rests, the crescendos, the sound of the bow touching the violin, the fingering of the flutes and clarinets..I hear this so crisply I cannot even put it into words.

when I study medicine, I put together formulas and it's almost the same as composing. Heck if I knew psychics, I could possibly study engineering of cures. If I was "stupid" or "ditsy" I could not even begin to comprehend these things. Part of me wants to scream, "Why are you not taking all of me into consideration? Why must you judge me without even taking the time to know me as a person?" more importantly HOW can one do that? Certain people close the door in my face, are blatantly rude to me, just because I am not like them. When they are the ones preaching acceptance. What a fucking joke.

Sometimes though, I just need to be silly. And that's ok. There are plenty of people in the world that would enjoy my friendship. Friendships are beautiful, and I treasure them, maybe a little too much. Yes, I am sensitive, yes I overreact, yes I am passionate to my causes. WHAT ARTIST ISN'T!!! So. Why should I care what certain persons say about me. It just hurts. The insults. The put downs. Exc..I'm just sick of it, I don't need it. Why can those people not accept me for WHO I am? Honestly why do I even care? I'm open minded, I don't judge people for what they are. I think that is just wrong. The things that make us unique are beautiful and wonderful. Fuck everyone who thinks different. It is then that you truly see just who is a real friend and who seeks to change you.

dalmatica_78

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I saw V today, and immediately felt the walls go up. I am not going to let someone use me for their carnal pleasure. If I cannot at least be genuinely adored, cherished. Then that will end soon. I'm about fucking sick of men and their selfish drive to fuck and nothing else. This is going to sound odd..(not as if anyone is going to read this anyhow) but this is partly why I am still fat I think. I thought..a while back when something happened to me..if I get fat..men won't look at me in a sexual way. If one likes me, it will surely be because they get along with me, care give a damn about the things I think about. Nay, not so. Some men like fat chicks, wouldn't ya know it. Heh. I donno..either way..I refuse to let myself be used. I am hurting right now. I HATE living alone. This isn't at all what I thought it would be. I just want everything to hurry up and happen, i.e school,work,kid going to school full time. Which, I hope to god will happen. So I can go to school too, and get things done for me. The more busy I am..the less likely I will be to think about that crap..the more likely I can just avoid what I suck so badly at. Relationships. I am sick of being hurt, not being heard. Men only wanting one fucking thing. That's all men think about. Forget about feelings, and nicety, courtships, I thought European men were more romantic. HA. That's a fucking hoot and a hollar. They only APPEAR to be more romantic, they make an art out of this..leaving their poor unknowing wives stuck at home cooking,cleaning,gardening,raising shitloads of kids. They take mistresses and then move on to another.

Women can't win nowadays. *sigh* I really, just REALLY needed to rant..I am sorry..I don't usually do this on here..just shit has been catching up with me, my life is a mess. I know I want one man. This much I know. I won't bend until I find him..or he finds me..he isn't what society would call beautiful..but in my eye, he is absolutely breathtaking. He cares about what I think..he cares to ask me about my dreams..my fears..with him my barriers go down.

Last week I went for my stupid annual, weee. Received the new Hep A vaccine, that was cool. I don't understand why all my female friends are not getting gung ho about the HPV vaccine. They are young enough to get it, I am 2 yrs over the max age. GRR. Fine, I will be abstinent until one comes out for the older women 26 and up. It's as if they don't care..how.the.fuck.can.one.NOT.care? hello? Fucking idiots. I tell them because I care about them. Fucking damned wireless connection sucks ass. Does anyone else get pissed when you write entry after entry about your life, goals,good things happening, and no one on your lj friends ever fucking comments? OH MY GOD Grrr. I have written so much, and mostly good things, I have not ranted much..and still no peep. Oh, but people will comment if I bitch. This just annoys me. I am annoyed. Pretty sure I will have a hard time sleeping after watching Silent Hill twice over. My mother's idea. She came over, and couldn't figure it out so..*phew* done ranting...bet your relived, ::grin::

suzyqball

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I'm in a slump. An evil, depressing, undeniable slump.

I have no drive to do anything today. I'm tired, depressed, and more pessimistic than usual.

Yesterday my boss said something to me, which I think is what set the mood off. I'd emailed one of the people in a company we do business with. Usually, this person responds to me pretty quickly. However, he took hours to get back to me. So, my boss looks at me, and says, "I'm sorry, Suzanne, I guess he doesn't like you, either. You'd better call your mom and dad before you commit suicide."

He smiled at me while he said this. In his sadistic little brain, that may have been just a joke. However, I am going to therapy because I'm clinically depressed and have contemplated suicide before!

I'm not stupid. My boss hates me. Fine. But he doesn't have to make it seem like everyone else in the world does, too!

What's worse is he actually got to me, and I started wondering if any of my friends cared about me. How screwed up is that?

I even asked my boyfriend if he really loved me. He looked at me very strangely. I must have sounded crazy.

Even though we were having fun last night, I still felt disconnected. I wasn't happy. I'm even more unhappy today. But I've figured out why, at least.

I wish I could find a new job. I'm sick and tired of being in abusive relationships, and this is just another one.

I need an out, before I go completely nuts and snap. I'm afraid I'll start drinking or cutting again. I don't want to do either. I'm scared.

God, please help me...

joanisme08

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Yesterday, one of my friends (W) invited me to go roller blading with her and some friends at 7pm today.  She was supposed to get back to me today about whether or not we were still going.  She said she'd call me.

So about 8:00pm today she and one of my other friends (H) call my cell from the skating place and ask where I am and if I'm coming.  I told them I was still at home because W never got back to me about whether or not they were still going.  I didn't want to show up and then find out it'd been canceled.  I pointed out that there was no use in going now because it's a half hour drive and they're only there until 9:00.

I'm sitting here failing at trying to fight back tears.  It may seem like I'm over reacting but all day today I've felt lonely, depressed, and bored.  I was looking forward to seeing my friends.  When I didn't hear from W by 7 I figured it'd been canceled and I was a bit disappointed but I got over it.  Then they had to f*ing call me like they did! They know it takes me 30min to drive there.  W lives by me!  Why the heck would they call me at 8!  So now I know that a bunch of my friends are having fun skating without me and I could've gone but they forgot to tell me.

I keep going back and forth between being mad at them and being mad at myself.  I could've gone at 7!  I should've gone at 7!  I'm mad at myself for not going.  On the other hand, W was supposed to call me back about it and she didn't.  Both W and H had the nerve to call me when they know (or should know) that I can't come now.  I'm so tempted to call them back and scream at them.  That's a bad idea though and I know it.  It would just cause drama and I don't want drama.  I'm sure they didn't do it on purpose.  I'm just disappointed and sad.  I felt like I had to do something to get my aggravation out though so I ended up beating myself up.  What did that accomplish?  Well, not much but it stopped me from taking it out on my friends and it somewhat wore me out.

suzyqball

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So far, in the weeks that I've been looking for a new job, I've applied to quite a few.

You know how many have called me back? 3.

One of them called to tell me that they felt that I wouldn't be happy with their company, another to ask me questions and then say that they might call me for an interview if they feel that I'm qualified, and the last from a guy who won't return my phone calls.

He'd left me a message, said that he liked my resume, he wanted to speak to me about the job, and asked me to call him back. So I called yesterday...nothing.

Called today...he's in a meeting. Probably won't return my call.

My boss is literally on the road, coming back from his business trip, and I'm sick to my stomach. I don't want to see him, let alone work for him anymore.

I need a lot of thoughts, prayers, wishes, etc. that I get an interview soon. I'm starting to get very nervous...

suzyqball

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I wrote this poem for someone who's recently come into my life.

Although we've only just met, she's inspired me, and I hope that this inspires all of you, as well.

Be Heard
Share your voice,
let yourself be heard!
It's your God-given
right to express it!
Don't let the fear
of judgment cause
anxiety and pain.
Stand up to those
who try and knock
you down. Spit in
their miserable faces.
Your words are
powerful and mysterious.
Rise up against
adversity. Laugh
in its direction.
You are strong,
beautiful, and talented.
So, take the chance,
and share your voice!