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Fuck Liking Other People

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Happy fucking Newyear [10 Jan 2009|03:18am]

[ mood | scared ]

fuck yes lets welcome a new year sure to be full of nothing but more pain and suffering brought on our own idiocy and failure. I'm sure this year will be full of even more hatred and suffering, rejoice!

My fucking post is more EMO FUCK than anything else that's okay because I know for a fact no one here gives a flying fuck and thats what its all about.

lets all hold hands and sing some fucking songs!

1 dead asshole| wanna mess with me?

No one comes here anymore [30 Dec 2008|02:33am]

Because I'm broadcasting to empty space.
I don't know how to stop this.
2 dead assholes| wanna mess with me?

[16 Sep 2008|03:55am]

U know I'm pretty fucking fucked up right now, and the only retard I can blame is myself, ain't that a bitch?

Fuck my life.
wanna mess with me?

[24 Jul 2008|11:17pm]
i'm ready to give up. I want to just stop. and the time between moments when I feel like this is getting smaller. it used to be weeks. then days. now it's pretty much just hours. I'm fixated on escape, but I don't know what to run from so how can I be sure I'm running in the right direction. How to solve this problem?
1 dead asshole| wanna mess with me?

[18 Mar 2008|01:55am]

[ mood | discontent ]

Because there is too much silence.

wanna mess with me?

[27 Jan 2008|04:44pm]

Because you want us to give up our dreams.
2 dead assholes| wanna mess with me?

[25 Oct 2007|04:55pm]

[ mood | completely messed up ]

 I fucking hate jealous psychotic bitches who think it's ok to completely wreck friendships. 
we really wouldn't have problems if you would just fuck off and take a hint. 
you nasty, hateful, immature, back stabbing brat. 
god, i can't stand you. 

and you, i fucking love you. 
and i just WISH you could see it. 
because it just might change your mind.   

3 dead assholes| wanna mess with me?

Fuck everything in the ass with a sharp dildo [07 Apr 2007|03:12pm]

[ mood | Full of rage ]

I am seething and boiling with rage, hurt and self hate. I have never been so angry in my life. All my emotions are swirling around and around my heart tightening it painfully. There are only a few clear emotions I can make out in my have of pain. Rage most clearly tops them over righting almost all other except my steadily growing self hate at my own naivety and my complete and total ignorance of what was going on. I am beginning to shake with repressed anger, but I want to get this out before I completely have the break down everyone has been foreseeing.

Now that I have released some of my anger in writing my emotions down in a most descriptive manor I should get to WHY I feel them.

I was in a relationship that started 10th grade of high school, at the time I was really trying to avoid getting into one so I could take the time to find myself and who I really want to become, unfortunately that did not happen. I got myself into a relationship and for the first few months it was great, I experienced things I had never experienced before. It started to go down hill as we moved apart and became less attached to one another, somehow we had both not had sex for a few months without even noticing. We tried to get back our sex life, but we could only maintain it for a few months before it went back down into nothing.

I could feel that it wasn't going to work out and I tried to break up with him, but he had a panic attack and all but said that he couldn't go on living without me. The stupid nice girl that I am gave in and stayed even though I knew I wouldn't be very happy. With that land mine fight I resigned myself to what happiness I could get to make his life better at the cost of my own. The relationship tugged on along without any sexual relationship to speak of for two more years and during that time I had actually adjusted my mindset and goals to being his wife and having his children! That made it all the more ironic when he finally called off our relationship,.

I can't believe I actually begged with tears in my eyes for him to not give up on us, ofcourse he would hear none of that. He simply told me he didn't love me anymore nor was he attracted to me any longer. It was devastating as I had been trying to get him aroused so we could get back some of our sex life that night. I felt sick, so very sick and disgusted with myself. I had only ever been with him, everything I have ever done that was sexual was with him, hell he was the first person to ever arouse me, but to have him pull his hand off my breast and say he wasn't attracted to me anymore made me want to vomit in self disgust.

Ofcourse me being good old FUCKING RETARDED AS SHIT ME didn't get angry, nope not me I just took it all as my fault and cried my eyes out while he watched on without remorse or any emotion. I calmed down eventually and was actually glad he had done it since I know I'm too loyal AND FUCKING STUPID to have done it. I guess my thankfulness as him ending it there set me up for another fall as I felt that I couldn't blame him for it, god I can't believe I was ever that stupid with my heart. God the asshole had the nerve to talk all this shit about still being friends and hanging out. He even talked of giving me the $200 for my snakes cage as he promised for my birthday, can't believe I actually thought he would do that. Atleast I wasn't completely stupid, I told him I would need the car(that we joint owned) for a month before I could be on my own feet.

Strangely enough I was perfectly fine for weeks, although it was probably due to the fact that I only slept once very 2-3 days spending the rest of my time working and driving the terrible commute from SLC to Layton and back. Honestly I knew what I was doing by not stopping to rest think and heal for so long, but to be perfectly honest I didn't give a shit since I was still able to function. There was actually one thing that brightened up my day and made life seem worth living, a certain young man who I couldn't help but like.

The real problems surfaced up once I became involved with said young man(I won't really get into him, he is a completely different subject) and started to sleep everyday at his house. Once I was getting regular sleep my body and mind were able to get back up to full function the repressed emotions started to billow up and would release on my new boy friend. God I knew I would end up poisoning a new relationship with the leftover shit from my last one, my self hate sky rocketed again as I would have argument after useless argument with my new bf. I would get angry about anything and everything, I would be on the verge of tears from nothing at all. Somehow we have been working through this.

Remember the car I borrowed? The one I had paid half for it? Yeah well it was turning into the time to give it back to my ex for what I put into it. The car was $300, I paid $150, I wanted $200 out of it since it meant more to me, fuck I was willing to pay him $200 for it. Against wise council I treated the car well, bought it new tires at a discount and even cleaned it before I went to return it. Well fuck wouldn't you know it didn't turn out well for me! Ha! Why was I even surprised?! WHY?!

Well I said I wanted $200, he said I only put in$100, I said no I put in $150, but I hadn't contested ANYTHING AT ALL that was jointly owned besides this that I should atleast get $50 out of it. HE got quiet at that so I assumed he was giving in to my demand....but when I looked at the check he wrote me I noticed he only gave me $100 for it. I was so angry and upset I had started to shake with the effort to not cry. He had finally broken my damn fantasy in my head of him being a good guy and not trying to fuck me over, the reality of it smacked me in the face and broke me. I was in such shock that I didn't do anything or say anything about him not giving me the money I asked for. God I regret that.

Moving on to why I am so upset today when this happened about a month ago...
I have been fucking around on the net for the first time in many months, I've been wondering aimlessly about the net and decided to wonder over to LJ. I didn't intend to look at my ex's LJ, but I was checking out my friend's page and saw a post by him....as usual my curiosity won and I skimmed his journal.

As usual it was filled with verbose bullshit that he always spews, but then I read this bullshit that made me feel so much anger and like I had been used it drove me insane. It reads as follows:

I could say it again ,but... well, I know at least. [05 Mar 2007|05:51am]
[ mood | meh ]
[ music | Depeche Mode ]

Yeah, it would rock to play D&D with Alisha still, I mean I watied until after a D&D meet to break up with her. I know it's sad, but one of the main concerns she had was that "we were about to fight that ancienct red wyrm, too" so it's not like I'm singled out here. All of my friend said with serious regret, "man, who's going to play the barbarian? No one is going to fill that character role the same way." But the mor I think about it, that is not going to fucking happen. That friend shit... it would be awesome, but it can't work. No, noooooooooooooooooooooooo.

My fucking god I can't believe how pathetic he is to have waited until a fucking DND meet to break up with me!!!! That fucking angers me.....what a goddamn mother fucking asshole....he really was just using me until it was most convent for him to drop me. There was more shit in his goddamn journal but fuck that shit.

I give up explaining all that went on to drive me to this point....but dear god the rage won't subside.


Did I forget to mention 4 and a half years with that gay piece of shit?!

Enjoy the hate.

wanna mess with me?

"People who hate people" [22 Feb 2007|07:19am]

[ mood | accomplished ]

People who hate people
Are the luckiest people in the world
We're assholes hating other assholes
And in spite of our grown-up pride
We express all the hate inside
Acting more like assholes than assholes
Are very special people
They're the luckiest people in the world
With one person,
One very special person
A feeling deep in your soul
Makes you hate people as a whole
Let out your inner asshole
But first be a person who hates people
People, people who hate people
Are the luckiest people in the world.

With one person
One very special person
A feeling deep in your soul
Makes you hate people as a whole
Let out your inner asshole
But first be a person who hates people
People, people who hate people
Are the luckiest people in the world.

[Parody of Barbara Streisand's song 'People' . . . thought it fit in with the general people-hating mood of this group and all ^_^]
wanna mess with me?

Of course we can put your leg back, I promise [18 Nov 2006|06:06pm]

[ mood | None, or other: ]

4 dead assholes| wanna mess with me?

[25 Oct 2006|12:14pm]

[ mood | Luffled ]

Please don't tell me the last time someone posted was two months ago!! I like the sound of this comm and it'd be nice if I wasn't the only person that talked on it. My name is Meg btw.

6 dead assholes| wanna mess with me?

Blood [15 Aug 2006|01:31am]

Sometimes the rage consumes you.

Sometimes you just can't open your mouth.
And you can't stand the thought of anything.
Sometimes it wouldn't matter if everyone was dead.
You can't sleep, and you can't stand being awake.
You know the truth is that there's nothing out there.

Why do people have to aggravate that situation?
Do they know what they're toying with?
They are gasoline to the fire.

Composure is paralysis.
Just once I'd like to make them know the whole truth,
Sink my teeth in,
And tear them apart.
Just once I'd like to know sweet relief.
wanna mess with me?

[31 Jul 2006|07:10pm]

You know what, I really fuckin' hate you. It makes sad to say that cause I remember when I considered you a really good friend of mine. But then you borrowed my book and never gave it back. That was the first thing you did. Then you took advantage of the fact that I had no problems doing favors for friends. You got pissed off at me when I wouldn't come into work on my days off. WTF I WAS WORKING DAMN NEAR FORTY HOURS A WEEK! And then, then you did it. You nearly cost me my job. Some friend you were. Bitch.
wanna mess with me?

[05 Aug 2006|03:56am]

wanna mess with me?

Ugh [18 Jun 2006|11:52pm]

[ mood | kill kill kill ]

Why does everyone have to be such a little bitch?

Annoyance sets it off, but I really can't stand the human race sometimes.
We're all so fucking selfish.
We're all fucking hopeless.

1 dead asshole| wanna mess with me?

[10 Jan 2006|04:00pm]

[ mood | melancholy ]

I fucking hate you so much right now. i meant nothing to you, and that's evident in the way you're treating me now, you heartless piece of shit. You never NEVER gave me warning to this, and now look what I'm doing, moving my shit not even three months of moving it in with you. Why the fuck did you give me false hope of thinking you wanted to be with me forever? I HATE YOU! I hate you and your pathetic cheap shots. You're breaking me into little pieces, and you're LOVING it.

Why can't you be with me, WHY?!

7 dead assholes| wanna mess with me?

I don't post here often, but sometimes I'm just a little hateful [09 Jan 2006|08:23pm]

[ mood | amused ]

People are entirely too whiny, so people are talking about you behind your back. Maybe you deserve it. Maybe it's your own damn fault, or you should just get over your self and stop making everything from your fat ass to your sex life a big deal. Everything I say about people behing their back, I willingly say to their face too, it's really just your own fault for not figuring it out sooner.

And you, Jesus Christ, shut the hell up already. I don't like you, I don't like how you dress I don't like how over involved you are in your significant others life. I'm sick of hearing about how you only care about what they think, I'm sick of hearing about how you're so much better than everyone else for everything. Stop being so self rightious, no one cares and a lot of people just find you creepy. Hell, you probably won't even realize this is about you because of your gigantic ego.

I've become more indifferent towards you, really, for as much of a bitch as you are you're nothing more than a pseudo anorexic whore.

I hate scene kids. You're nothing more than a bunch of stupid emo-fags in pants that we can see your junk through. Which is pretty damn tight considering how tiny your junk is. I don't care about your stupid whiny emo music, or how fucking obsecure the band you're listening to is. Listening to crap because it makes you trendy, or what you consider the opposite of trendy, which is trendy, is retarded. Listen to good music, shut up and take of those ridicilous pants. I'm sick of overly processed hair, the typical emo cut and stupid indie assholes who are being individual by looking like every other person. Stop pretending to slit your wrists for attention, do it and get it right. Also, eyeliner is for girls or people on stage, I don't want to see crappily put on eyeliner on a dude in anymore myspace pictures.

This brings me to stupid little thirteen year old myspace whores, I swear these were the same girls that were on Antishift whoring themselves out in their underwear. Posting photos of your rack, or any other things on the internet to get a ton of comments is retarded, you're stupid and jail bait. And the captions of "aren't I so cute" or in their words "rnt i sooooo kute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" no, no you're not, because if you ever took a straight on picture of you pre pubescent face everyone would turn and run. Also, overweight people on myspace who 1.Are wearing mini skirt and tube tops and 2. are convinced they are skinny, stop it. You're gross. However, I would like that magical mirror you seem to use that glosses over all your flaws. Also, remember, that things you admit on myspace, in those surveys ARE ON THE INTERNET FOR ANYONE TO READ, COPY AND PASTE. Just because only your friends can read your bulletins does not mean that they can be reposted or printed out or whatever, usually these are the people who add every single person, meaning people you don't know very well have access to these things. Yes, you can get in trouble for admitting that you drink underage on the internet. Just like I can probably get in a lot of trouble for posting this on the internet. Once again I'm mainly seeing this problem with the stupid little thirteen year old girls trying to look cool. One more thing, boys who are not ripped, or are creepy looking. Stop posting shirtless pics. They are icky.

Yes I have double standards, yes I am proud of these, most of them are common sense. I do not believe in this gender equality crap. I do not believe in femenism. Don't bitch at me and tell me I'm being oppressed for reading etiquette books, maybe I like doing that. Maybe someday I do want to be the perfect housewife. Also, I know how to be polite, I know how to set a place setting for a formal dinner, and I know how to look and act polished and refined, more than I can say for your pathetic self. Knowing etiquette is also good for one of my future job options, an Event Planner. Useful knowledge does not mean I am oppressed, thinking that women should stay home with their kids does not mean I am oppressed. Knowing how to bake a cake, does not mean I am oppressed. Useful things later in life, just because I am not a fem-nazi like you does not mean I am a waste of woman. You're a waste of perfectly good ovaries.

To people that can't dance, and think they can, and try and argue with me about proper steps, just shut up before I cause brain damage with my pointe shoes. Also, stop talking about going pro at 18 when you've never even taken a dance class before. Also, to one dumbass in particular. You can't dance, you'll never be able to dance you have never been able to dance. I highly doubt your relationship will last another year. Stop acting like you could be better than me, stop thinking you know what you're doing. You think you're capable of so much, but apperantly you also cannot see the flaws. I'm sick of you, I'm sick of how good you think you are. You aren't, you're annoying.

Stupid people who have been dating for two weeks, YOU ARE NOT IN LOVE. No, no you are not. It's called lust, infatuation if you will. You do not love someone like that in that short of time. When there is no meaning behind the words, they mean nothing. Thinking you're in love and being in love are two entirely separate things. learn the difference. Most people, do not fall in love in High School, a lot of people think they do. Saying I love you a week into the relationship is like boning two weeks into the relationship, it's a way to keep it together without working at it.

I also just generally dislike people who dress weird, people who act weird to make a statement, and people wearing sunglasses in doors. I don't care how un Politally Correct it is, I judge people on what they look like. Deal with it.

For the people that just don't get it, Chances are I don't like you very much. I'll tolerate you to an extent, but I probably don't like you very much.

Love Always,

3 dead assholes| wanna mess with me?

[08 Jan 2006|12:05am]

I hate you. I hate that i lent you my things because I thought you were my friend, and then you go and lose it and lend it to other people?! Youre a fucking cunt. Nothing but a cheap easy whore. I hope you die of aids, and I hope your trailor-trash boyfriend gives you an[other] unwanted baby, and i hope it has fas.

Dirty whore. Rot in hell.
wanna mess with me?

[21 Dec 2005|01:21pm]

Ok, I borrowed something without asking.
And now you're going around, making it sound like I'm doing it on a regular basis so you can cop the "oh poor you" factor. Oh go fuck yourself. If I'm just a stupid kid to you then why the fuck do either of us bother?!!!
wanna mess with me?

But I Guess I'm Used To It, Anyway [18 Dec 2005|01:24pm]

[ mood | lonely ]

You were supposed to be my friend. When  I said I was probably a bother, you got serious and told me you liked me. That I was nice for being "that type" of person, the nicest you've ever met. When I asked why you were always so mean, you laughed and said because we were friends and you just had to mess with your friends.

The day before break I said I didn't want to spend the whole break without bugging you. You gave me your myspace. I'd just deleted it the day before. Myspace is annoying and lame and I only had it to talk to a few cool friends anyway. But I remade it because I wondered that if we started talking online like Savage and I did...  maybe we could really be friends and get to know each other.

You were the first one to email me, and after a few times you went to bed and never replied. I got bored one afternoon and left you a comment. I know it didn't have anything "weird" on it, but you deleted it and when I first found out I was.. hurt.

You don't want your friends to know you talk to me, do you? You don't want that girl that leaves little notes on your profile to see that you know my "type" of person and you like her.

I thought you were cute because your eyes remind me of Evan.

I thought you were nice because when your friends aren't there you spend an hour every fourth period flirting with me or just talking to me and not treating me like you have to handle me with care or humor me because I'm crazy the way you do when your little friends from football are there.

But then again I know what I am. Your type always associates my type with sex. I'm a fantasy to you and more than that I'm the little psycho kid in fourth period that's fun to talk to and it's even more fun to stare at my breasts and thighs.

I wanted to be your friend.

wanna mess with me?

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