silenced heart and a (dustyrecord) wrote in _feel_infinite_,
silenced heart and a
dustyrecord
_feel_infinite_

Contagion.


Dear person I no longer know,

You were the first person I had ever let it. While I will never regret my decision to let you into my life, I will always resent what you did with my trust. You did something unforgivable and I will not stop until my heart no longer aches over it.

You created a false person, intentionally played their traits off of the things you knew I'd like in someone and purposely made me fall for them. I knew, I'd always known, I just hoped that I wouldn't fall for this image I wanted you to be in the process - and it's my fault I did. Nevertheless you created someone that didn't exist and when I asked if it was you, you told me it wasn't every. single. time. You told all of our mutual friends(or should I say friend) that you gave away your email but I had ways of noting it was you - aim doesn't timestamp two separate accounts with the same 'time online' for months on end - and you played me like a fool.

I know there's no reason for me to be rambling since we haven't been friends for a year; I guess I want you to confess for my closure or, in some sick way, come back into my life. It hurts me that you didn't care, it hurts me you've made me look like the crazy one, it hurts that you told everyone that you thought I was in love with you when it seemed the other way around and it hurts that I let you in. It's in that respect that I'm mad at myself, too, I guess. It seems I love the pain because I continue to dwell on this and don't stop myself. It would be so easy, so easy.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is, I forgive you. You'd never ask for it and I know I shouldn't forgive you, but I do. I know your history of paranoid schizophrenics on your father's side of the family, that you were raised around them, I just hope you don't become them and seek the help you need. It will always hurt me, but it doesn't have to shape your future.

You will always be the 'friend that got away'.

Sincerely,
Me

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