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xo_emotion_ox @ 12:11 am: Hey, um... well, I stumbled across this community and thought that it might be good for me, you know?

I think that this might sound horribly stupid in comparison to other people's problems, but here goes anyway.

First off, I turned 13 this summer, just to get age straight.

A few months ago, I finally told my best guy friend that I had a crush on him and he told me that he did too. So, all was well for about a week or so... then I... well, I don't really know what I did. I just became so... obsessed. I couldn't stop thinking about him, I wrote (private) letters to him depicting about how I would die without him (some of which he obtained and read) and that I loved him... I could go on for hours about the stuff that I did. I was so horrible, I pushed an innocent and naive boy into a fast paced relationship that we both weren't ready for. I'd hug him when I knew that he hated it; I'd cry whenever I thought he didn't like me anymore, which was every day or so, no joke.

Basically, I was scary as anything, and I regret it sincerely.

So, as you may have guessed, I found out from my other guy friend that he didn't like me anymore. Surprise surprise. I cried and cried and convinced to everyone that I didn't like him anymore... but I was totally lying.

If I thought that I loved him before... ohmigosh. I was infatuated, obsessed... but I love him now, more than anything. His smile makes me smile, when I hear him play his instrument I feel my soul play along, I feel hot and cold at the same time when he looks at me in class... no one knows except for my best friend who can see through any lie that I tell.

Our friendship is obliterated, a whisper of what it once was. We never talk anymore, and only see each other because we hang out with the same group of friends.

So... I'm absolutely terrified that he'll find out, but at the same time I want him to know desperately. (He's not really a sharing feelings kind of person) I don't care if he never likes me, I don't care if we drift apart, I just want to redeem myself and have him be able to think of me without the image of an asylum popping into his head.

So... any thoughts? Sorry if it just sounded like a huge bunch of nonsense.

Comments

From:pedestal_jumper
Date:December 13th, 2005 04:57 am (UTC)
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From:pisica_rmni
Date:August 30th, 2007 09:48 pm (UTC)
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No ones problem is stupid, your emotions and feelings aren't stupid. Unfortunately, I have to say the most typical and annoying thing to you; it happens to everyone, and things will get better. I'm sorry, I know it's cliché, but it's the truth. We've all gone through it, the first love, it's the worst, it really is. I would absolutely dread to relive those days, haha and it wasn't even that long ago. lol. I think I would rather cut off a limb or something first. But in all honesty, eventually it passes, and the pain will ease. You may never forget him, but you will eventually stop caring, it'll be just a blurry memory, and you can use it to help other girls in your situation!! But to be honest with you, and please don't get offended by what I'm about to say; you did come off very strong, that scares people. It makes you stalker status in their head. Even though you're probably not a stalker, that's the way guys see it. Girls are the same way ofcourse. When a guy comes on that strong I get scared and run away. People like taking things slow. Most people under 25, and often older, simply aren't ready for any kind of commitment. I know the idea of love and a relationship is glamorous, and many people gravitate towards it, because we all have an empty space inside that needs to be filled, some turn to food, some turn to drugs, some turn to love. You will learn to tell the difference between the love for love and real love as you become more experienced. In the mean time, slow it down and take your time, you have your whole life ahead of you, and don't let this pain drag you down. Just remember it will stop. It's gonna feel like forever, but sooner than you know, you're gonna be looking back and saying "hah, I'm glad that's all over now!" Guarranteed!
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