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April 21st, 2012
Originally posted by murmuzyatina at http://murmuzyatina.livejournal.com/162689.html moreCollapse )
Go Boom!

hi!no delete please [Friday
April 20th, 2012
Originally posted by nikitagretzky at что вы вы видите на этой картинке?
Originally posted by diak_kuraev at Как делаются сенсации
... Получилось, будто митрополит согласен с нацистской символикой...
Получилось что "митрополит согласен с нацистами" ?
На самом деле получилось что
1)нацисты согласны с митрополитами
2)Митрополитам похуй кого они ведут за собой
Go Boom!

July 8th, 2008


Go Boom!

December 2nd, 2007

[ mood | lonely ]

First of all, I can't believe I still love you 10 months later. I guess you were my first love.

I hate you. I hate you so much for sitting motionless as my heart broke in two and millions of tears streamed down my face. I hate how you can be so low and have no inkling of emotion towards someone who loves you for every flaw and imperfection you have. I hate how I still love you and how I dream about you almost every night. I hate waking up crying because of those dreams, and treating them as nightmares. I hate having to wake up and think of something else to dream about because I can't bear the pain of seeing you in my head. I hate still crying over you. I hate how I can't tell you how I really feel. I hate how you still want to "fuck" me but don't care about my heart or the person I am inside. I'M NOT THAT PERSON. I don't do that when I'm not in a relationship with someone. And even if I did, shouldn't you, my ex boyfriend who broke my heart, be the one person I don't go near? I hate how weak you make me. I hate how choked up I get thinking about you. I hate how different I thought you were. I hate how everyone told me you had become so different with me and I wasn't just a piece of ass. I hate that I loved you for a year and a half and in an instant it ended. I hate how I got so used to being next to you everynight. I hate how when I wake up in the morning I don't see your face anymore. I hate how I feel like I don't have the strength to get over you. I hate how you're so far away. I hate how much I loved your mom. I hate how I would tease and say how much I hated a song you loved or a team you loved just to cause conflict. I hate how I fucked up. I hate how you use me now. I hate how I'm willing to wait all of my life for you. I hate how people say they understand but really have no idea what I go through. I hate how I can't tell you all of this in person for fear of what you might say. I hate how you call me when you're drunk and how I pick up just to hear your voice one more time. I hate how people say you don't deserve me. I hate how I know they're right. I hate how perfect our relationship was, because it makes watching it fail so much harder. I hate seeing so many people so happy together and wishing you were here again. I hate wishing I could go back to senior year to cherish that time more. I hate laying in bed watching a movie imagining you next to me. I hate reminiscing, but somehow I find a peace within and a smile as the outcome. I hate how this Christmas I won't be with you. I hate how I'll think of you anytime UF plays Alabama. I hate how your fraternity got in the way of so much but you ended up dropping it after we broke up. I hate how things haven't worked out.

I wish you would come back. I hope you still are. I pray for the strength to tell you everything I'm telling all these people who don't know the real me. I wonder if you still think of me. I cry when I hear your name. I fall to pieces everytime because you aren't there to catch me. I know everything will work out for the best. I want it to be with you. I'll wait. Time makes it harder. Why am I going through this? I'll never forget you telling me ich lebe diche. I'll remember telling you tu ojos son mas bonitos. I hate not ever telling you what I meant. I hope you understand. I pray time will tell.

Yours, forever:

(Sorry, this is extremely intense and personal, but I need to get it off my chest.)

3 .:. Go Boom!

October 2nd, 2007

[ mood | crushed ]

Dear Chet,

I check my LJ every day to see if you wrote about me...and then I wonder to myself if you care that we just broke up when you havent.....

Go Boom!

How I feel [Monday
September 17th, 2007
[ mood | angry ]

Dear Luc,



I can’t believe all the ways you betrayed me. I didn’t date you for a year because of the abuse in my past relationship. You convinced me that you weren’t like that. To this day I’m still in utter shock. I told you how he grabbed me by the throat and threw me on a couch, and eventually you started using it against me. Telling me it’s my fault, and that I push people to do that. No one deserves to be abused. I miss you. Actually, I don’t miss you. I miss who you used to be. I miss the first three months of our relationship, and even the times before we met. And then it all went to shit. You told me I loved you too much. How can that be a bad thing? What should I have done, just not care? You broke up with me on Christmas. You threw the clothes in the middle of the street that I bought you and ignored my phone calls all day. I stayed home crying on Christmas. I missed my fucking family dinner. I couldn’t focus on anything else. And then an even bigger downfall started happening. You would go out with your friends until 2 am, not bother to call, not come to school, nothing. Then you would dump me one week, come back a month later and think it’s okay. Oh, but that’s not the worst part. Worst part is during all of the “break ups” you would slam doors in my faces, yell at me in front of your friends, call me a whore, tell me I should die, when I called you’d scream into the phone, blast your radio, or hang up. Real mature Luc. Your nineteen years old, grow up. Then you fucking dump me and call me a few months ago whining to me cause you’re fucking arrested?! What, so you only want me in your life when I can make everything perfect?! Yeah, of course it’s that way cause you are a selfish bastard. I remember all the times I begged for you, told you I’d do anything. How fucking stupid was that. My family offered to take you to Florida over Christmas, pay for everything, even buy you fucking gifts. You repay us all by screaming at us when we were the only ones who ever cared about you. Your family never fucking cared. They treated you like shit and kicked you out all the time. I don’t buy your lies, I don’t buy any of it. You were a fucking drug attic, and I know it. I always knew it. I tried to look past that though. I really though I could get through to you and make you realize that you are so much better than all of that. I lost my fucking virginity to you. I only said I’d do it if you promised you’d always treat me right, even if you broke up with me. But no, now look what your doing. Spreading all of these lies about me. Your just made cause I wouldn’t take you back you bastard. Of course I won’t take you back, you fucking verbally abused me our whole relationship. Near the end you even threatened to hit me. At sleepovers you would tell me to shut the fuck up and that if I cried you’d kick me out – at fucking 4 in the morning. I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to fucking leave. You really fucked with my head. You tried to play the victim and make it seem like I did something wrong. Then you start going to my friends parties and bashing me, well fuck you too! I know that you were holding hands with Lori the other night at the bonfire. Fuck you Luc. We always faught about her. I knew you liked her. You’re a fucking asshole. I got punched in the face from a physco bitch BECAUSE OF YOU! Because of what YOU said! You know what I’m going through in my fucking life right now yet you’d still try to destroy it. Fuck you Luc. I hope you’re fucking happy. The worst fucking part of this all is I'm still in love with you.


Dear Bryan,

 We all miss you back home. It hurts like hell knowing that you’re in jail. I love you more than you know. I know we never were close, but I really did love you. And I know you love me too. It’s hard to know that your bother is alone in jail. I’m scared for you at times. Sometimes I sit in my room crying about it. Of course I would never tell mom, dad or you this. I never would dare. I knew that when you got addicted to Cocaine something would go wrong. I want you to stop so badly. But I know it’s not that easy. I’m terrified for you Bryan. You are the only family I will have left after mom and dad and I don’t want you to leave. I love you and I care for you so much. You’re my big brother, and sometimes I wish you’d start acting like it. Mom and dad have done everything they can for you. Dad even bought you a car, but you were on cocaine and crashed it. They tried to get you jobs, they bought you everything you wanted, they tried to show you they loved you. All you ever did was push us all away, we all don’t even understand. I understand that you don’t want me to see you in jail because it’s embarrassing for you. It’s been almost 5 months since I’ve seen you. You get out Christmas Eve. Please Bryan, for gods sake PLEASE stop this. Stop doing this to yourself. You have such fucking potential! Please use this to the best of your abilities. Sometimes I want to scream this in your face but I know that it won’t do any good. Ever since you and Amanda broke up things have gone out of control. Please get a hold of yourself. The cocaine is going to kill you if you don’t Bryan. The people you think are your friends are not. They only want to talk to you when you have drugs, money or alcohol. All I can hope for now is that this jail time will teach you a lesson. That you will realize how good you have it at home and that you will attempt to stop these bad habits. I know you are doing some sort of drug rehab and I truly hope it helps.


Go Boom!

For Him Again... [Wednesday
June 13th, 2007

[ mood | depressed ]

Dear you,

Sometimes I wonder how things would be now. I wonder if we would be married yet. I wonder if I would be making a good mother. I wonder if we would be pregnant with our first child yet. I wonder how you and my parents would get along. When I go out places, I wonder how it would be with you right there beside me. Wonder what we would talk about. How we would look at and touch each other. When I am laying in bed, I wonder how it would feel to have you laying there beside me with your arms around me. I wonder how it would look to see you kicking the dog out of the bed. Or throwing the kitten into Ami's room, just so we can have the bed to ourselves. I wonder if you would even be here now. Or if you be going to school. Would be living her. Would be constantly by my side, reassuring me everything is alright. Yet... all I can do is wonder, until we are back into each others arms. If we ever, really will be again...

Yours Truly,

Go Boom!

For Him.. [Tuesday
June 12th, 2007

[ mood | thoughtful ]

Dear you,

It seems just like yesterday when you were filling my head with all the lies. And I accepted everyone like a forbidden fruit. Its now occurring to me that every question that was asked to the other party, and the answers given where just that, forbidden fruit, lies, deceit. You promised we would stay in contact. And I promised we would get through this TOGETHER. I didn't say we would do it alone. I said TOGETHER. But I guess that was never good enough. Was that much of a bitch? That much of a terrible girlfriend/fiance/ wife? I tried to be there for you the best I could, I tried to stay as strong as I could for the both of us. Was that not good enough? Was I just something to help you pass the time? You told me before you meet me, a part of you was dead, you were empty. You told me if you ever lost me you would feel like you were dying, like you were empty once again. You begged me not to kill you, not to make you empty. I stayed by your side. I came back to you. It was really you who I loved all a long. You know that. You know how much it was killing me to be with Sam, when it was all a lie. I know I fucked up on somethings... but I don't I deserve to be treated much better then this? To just get a text telling me to move on? I don't know rather it's a front or the truth anymore. I can't even tell the fiction from the truth. My heart is telling me one thing and my mind another. I don't know which to listen to. I don't want to set myself up for another fall, but yet I know I can't be with anyone else. And even if I were,it would all be a lie. The feelings for them would never be as strong as the ones I have for you. The love I was giving them would never be the same. I let myself worry, way more then I should have, about you. I just wish you would tell me what I did wrong, if anything. If this was all a sick joke.. I know you didn't believe me anymore when I said I love you, why didn't you tell me? Why did you hide it? You want me to be open and honest with you, yet you can't even be with me? I told you what Sam told me and you told me it wasn't true. And yet I find out, you really was falling for her all along. If you decided you wanted to be with her instead of me, why don't you just tell me? I wouldn't have stopped it. I wouldn't have stood in your way. Is Keith even real? Or just you in a disguise to show you're crush/love for her? Just be open and honest with me, that's all I ask. Even if I don't like the truth. You asked me if I wanted to change, and I told you yes. I meant it, and I have.. a little at a time but it's a start. And where are you to even be told this? No where. I lied to my school. I told them I had to go take care of my husband for all those days I missed when I was worried about you. I lied to my friends. I lied to my family. I lied to my work. And most of all, I lied to myself. I had myself fitting rather finely into the wife/mother role. In fact, my motherly instincts are now stronger then ever, according to Ami. We had a 'show and tell' period in my human relations, where we had to show what motivated us. I showed them a picture of you and Gabe, my favorite picture of you too. And I told them you two were my motivation and my world. That was not a lie. I've been changing to better myself for us, and to be a better mother to Gabe and to our kids we have later on. Please don't make this be for nothing... I plead this is not for nothing. I beg and plead this 'move on' is all a front, and just something you have to do because you are constantly being watched. Even if its not... It's alright. It's fine. We are untitled to break a few promises here and there. I know a broke plenty of them when you were laying in the hospital bed. And I fell really horrible about that... I do. I am just hoping you keep all your promises.. But if I have to.. I will move on.
I love you and I miss you dearly..
I will be happy when this is all over and we can fully talk again without risk of you losing Gabe on my behalf... maybe then things will be resolved and settled and we can come to an agreement and figure out our relationship. (If there is even still one to be said for)

Love Always,

Go Boom!

I can't stand it [Wednesday
March 21st, 2007

[ mood | depressed ]

Life is grey because of you.

Go Boom!

January 29th, 2007


I'm sorry I missed you when you tried to contact me the other day. I waited for you to get back online but you never did. Ugh, I really miss you. It's just hard, we grew up together, we were like brother and sister, and eversince I moved--or eversince puberty-- things have seemed to change. Not like we didn't like eachother anymore, but you just got different friends. Friends who had no standards or morals. Now I moved, and I'm not across the street from you anymore. I guess I just took for grantid that you lived so close, and now you're so far.

I heard you moved out of your house and moved in with one of your friends, and you just barley turned 17. I also heard your parents divorced. I just hope you at least graduate from school. I know things are tough for you right now, I just don't want you to give up. I really miss you, and I love you too.

Until we meet again, darling.
Go Boom!

January 7th, 2007

Sorry, if this bothers anyone, it's my first post and I've just got to vent.

What the hell, don't snap at me because your boyfriend is fucking up his own life. I dont have to put up with your shit, I do because I care. I'm not the one you're mad at, he is. I'm the one you constantly lie to, shouldn't I be the angry one? "Oh, I don't want to try the long distance thing, I cant handle it again. Oh wait, Sam lives how much further away from me than you? Sure, even though he dumped me once, I'll go out with him again. Go fuck yourself steve."

I've been the one by your side for the past how many years? I've put up with your shit when you're angry, and I've been the one comforting you every time(as I predicted) the douchebag guys you've gone out with have left you. I don't deserve you treating me like shit, and I'm not gonna put up with it anymore. If you think I'll be here for you to cry to anymore, you're sorely mistaken.

Kiss off.

What the hell dude? You supposedly love the chick and want to marry here, but you're planning on dropping out because "it's annoying"? Grow the fuck up you lazy little kid. You're 18 now, you can deal with being in school without complaining like a bitch. Instead of sucking it up and getting through the shit you're gonna go scare your girlfriend by telling her you're going to drop out? Grow up and be a fucking man instead of the little kid you're acting like now.

I fucking hate you.
You don't need my name.
Go Boom!

January 5th, 2007

I'm sorry, but I'm so glad that we're through.
Go Boom!

KyleLove<3 [Saturday
November 25th, 2006

[ mood | apathetic ]


The emotions coursing in and out of my gut is so undescribable, yet describable. Really, this letter is to remind me of why I must speak to you. And I'm going to keep it short.
You're stringing me along like a pupet... And alike a puppet, I'm moving to your will, to your command, to your lies, to your deception, to your secrets. I'm distrusting my instict and better judgement as you toy with what's left and known as my heart...just to believe you. You know it's beeen broken, time and time... and time again. You're repeating history... time, and time and time again. Pattern, no? ... I'm just another stupid girl to you.. believing, trusting your facade. Even as your best friend... you kept up that disgusting facade. Now I'm piecing your face together... and like a puzzle, I'm finding missing pieces that I found under the table one day while I was cleaning. Cleaning represents me getting into my mind.. and thinking... So many things have entered my mind. I don't know where to begin when I'm faced with you. 

I realize physical attraction isn't everything. And that real attraction is... but do you even know what real attaction is? I guess you're not a real relationship... becaue a real relationship takes two. Trust is a trwo-way street. I can't make it work on my own. Is us being together more important thatn our relationship as best friends? IS the lable of boyfriendgirlfriend all that matters to you..? I seem to be peeling away that face you push in front of me.. Do you realize it? I'm soon keeping up with you... you're not a step oahead of me anymore.

Kyle... you prevent me from falling in love with you.

Go Boom!

November 22nd, 2006

What should I confess? The fact that I'm a stupid bitch, and I'm leading you on?

How can you say that you love me when you're so far away?

Well I've got a confession; I'm not sure if I really love you back...I mean, there are parts of me that do love you, but I'm always finding that I have to convince myself that I do. You're wonderful, and I'm sure I'll never meet anyone like you, but the fact is, is I don't know what the hell I want in life...why do you bother with me? What is so special about me?

And the worse part:
I like your friend...
Go Boom!

If you would only know .. [Thursday
October 12th, 2006

[ mood | cynical ]

Dear Michael,
If you would only know that it's not as simple as a little infautation, not as simple as being coincidentally similar in all aspects to my favorite pop star .. no, there's more, more that you'd never really understand. If it wasn't for the desire to make notice of myself to you, I wouldn't have tried at all, in PE class .. I would have probably sat there and waited for a big fat F on my report card. At that very first moment I saw you, I remember telling myself, 'I am going to decide to like this guy' .. day after day, PE didn't sound all so dreaful anymore, I had a reason to not skip, to actually try to get a good mark .. I can still clearly recall the way you run, the way you smile, the way you kicked a soccer ball high in the air .. you .. you gave me hope. But there is a time limit to everything. I, for one, am just not the type of person who can stand on the sidelines and watch my heartthrob without ever giving a try at telling the person. Thinking about you .. to the point where no matter how hard I studied the words just won't stick, not being able to sleep at night because I'd be filled with images of you in my head, running around the school past swarming numbers of students like crazy trying to find you so I could watch you from nearby .. I ..
I tried to let you go, to tell myself you're just not worth it, but they're all lies. It's not true. Nonetheless, I will keep trying. I'm sorry, I don't mean to hate you. Just .. either I do, or I swear I will fall apart. If only you would know I'm not trying to make you feel awkward, I didn't know that there'd be people as immature as to spread rumors about you already .. I just wanted to stop my feelings of desperation .. I didn't know it would get worse, I didn't know you'd end up giving me such a response .. you haven't said a word, but I'd rather you did. I'd rather you came up to me in person and screamed your head off .. anything is better than this ..

Go Boom!

I love you too much. [Thursday
August 24th, 2006

Dear Sean,

I know I say it to you alot but I love you, I love you so much and everytime I say it to you I feel like you don't get it. I know you know that I love you but I'm worried about it all, I see your previous friendships and how they've turned out and I don't want to be like that, the other friends tell me how you can just use them and I can't see that.

we have plans for the future, well more along the lines of hopes and goals but if our friendship take the current pattern of your's these will never happen. Everytime I'm not around you I can't stop thinking about you, even when I'm with you I can't stop thinking about you. I can't say I've ever been able to imagine my life with out you since we've become friends.

I first saw you on the second day of school and with the way I am I decided I hated you and wanted nothing to do with you, and now a year later we've done so much and come far from where I once stood on knowing you.

I hate it when your sad because it makes me sad, and I feel like I can't do anything. Alot of the time I don't believe what you say and I feel your being sarcastic then I feel horrible for thinking that way becuase I know you would not do that to me, well I hope you wouldnt do that to me.

I love you too much, and I miss you too much, I havent seen you in a few days and I feel miserable and lonely even though I get to talk to you every day for hours on end and never get bored of it. I don't want anything more from you than for you just to love me and not lie to me, and I feel selfish when I think about that because you have other friends, who believe they love you more than I do. I would do anything in the world for you and your benifit, anything to make you happy and make up for anything that made you unhappy. I feel like we're more than friends and I feel bad about this as well because I dont know if you feel the same, at times your all that matters to me and your all that I want and everything to me.

When you spend the night and we just lay there that's the best thing in the world, or when we just sit quietly on the phone or talk or just sit there it's the best feeling in the world.

Writing this letter makes me feel like all the other's who have written about you/for you, and this makes me feel bad.

but I love you so much that the word love dosen't compair to what I feel.

truly repetitively yours,

Go Boom!

i hope u can see this wherever u are [Wednesday
July 19th, 2006

[ mood | crushed ]

dear kristina:
Baby i miss u so much...I never stop thinking about u. About how u died.. about how i wish i was there more often. U and i.. were soulmates.. u said that we cud be like romeo and juliet and be together forever! but ur not here ne more.. u left me alone!
who else wud understand how i feel right now?
no body
im so lonely here without u. I sumtimes dont kno wut to do..
Sometimes i feel like dying just to maybe talk to u
maybe is better then this..
i wish u wud haunt me just so i cud see ur face one last time
all those promises we had, plans everything its all gone now
all thats left is my memory of u.. but wut happens if they start to fade? then wut will i have?
ppl think they knew how close we were.. but they will never understand!
im going insane without u were.. only u cud stop this but u cant.. and that makes it even worst
im so scared kristina.. im scared wut i mite do to myself.. im scared that when i die i wont see u
that i mite never see u again
oh my heart just broke at the thought of that
im suprised my heart could break even more
ill never find sumone like u

best friends forever and ever and ever
i love u always...
<3 sam

nina + sham = twin soul sisters in our little world

Go Boom!

July 10th, 2006

[ mood | confused ]

dear marty;;
why is it that every time i see you my heart skips a beat? we've been through this before. && you're with her now. i thought i was over you. i'm supposed to be over you. you're dating one of my best friends. so why is it that i feel giddy around you again, && i'm happier when i see you? i don't want to fall for you again. i was happy when you weren't talking to me at all. but...i'm glad you've decided we're cool. because i've missed chatting with you. i just...don't want to get my hopes up, because you're pretty much in love with her. please don't let me fall again.

cool but not too cool

Go Boom!

July 9th, 2006
Dear Heart,
           Please let go of him. 

Go Boom!

Dear Melissa and LeAnna [Thursday
July 6th, 2006

[ mood | annoyed ]

You drive me fucking crazy. How am I suppose to ever forgive you for not being there and still putting it all on me to be there? I am trying to make a better life for myself and you two haven't offered words of encouragement, words of approval or any words at all. How am I suppose to make you be a part of my life? Why do I feel I have to? I pretty much told Melissa all I had to say, you were the one that always preaches to be honest and forthcoming, well don't dish it if you can't recieve it. I told you that the cabin you gave us to sleep in for the night was trashed when we got there. We cleaned it befroe we left too. You can believe you stupid father in law over us, he just doesn't like us because he's a narrow minded prick. But whatever. Believe what you will. It only hurts because I know if I were to tell you that I was telling the truth you wouldn't believe me anyway. Why have you always had other people at a higher standard than yourself? And also why do you always blames others when things go wrong in your life. It's called Karma, and that is why things are so messed up. I'm trying to forgive you, I really am.

You sister

Go Boom!

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