Wow, 2 years! Does anybody monitor this thing?
A little existentialism for one who might stumble back on this community...
where to start
there is no beginning
is there an end?
what if it just stops
up to you
up to me
up to no-one.
there is no One.
but i do not believe
there is no
all is gone
and then it is over
and will we know?
if there is something
You made me breakfast this morning, I got to school on time
But I left in a rush
And forgot to let you know words
that I can write you now in an e-mail
Ps: I love you
Please be gentle.... i havent written a poem in months.
A Thousand Stars
The sky above us, cold, silent
A thousand stars stare down, motionless
Faintest glittering lights, bright burning suns
So many millions of miles away
I'm in your arms, and you in mine
The stars seem to fall around us
In your eyes, i can see beyond the Universe
In your eyes i can see Infinity
When you kiss me, those stars explode
A rain of sparkling fire falls from the sky
The world falls back, we rise to the heavens
We are one with the stars, we are infinite
We are incandescent
We are transient beings, two yet one
We are made of sky, made of love.
Feet touching the Earth again, we are transformed
No longer to be who we were
Now, we are loved and in love.
Now, we are one with the stars.
by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
Fear crumbles me
shaking and falling
aching to break free
nowhere to go.
to those who cant see
that i am happy
who are you to know
that it isnt true
that my fear
push, push, pull
as i say
leaving will pull me
away from everything,
cover me with
that is all
to have left
You mentioned the other day that it seems like a nightmare. All in a sudden thought a train brings me to agree with you. I stop and shake my head violently, unrealistically hoping this will cause me to regret allowing such a horrible thing to develop in my mind.
But I am frustrated. I am screaming inside and you are never here to be the receiving end of this anger. And so it grows stronger. I feel weak. They say it takes work to hold a marriage together. How am I supposed to do that by myself; my lazy, mediocre self?
In blaming you I do the same that every other female has done. Put you down, drag down your self confidence. Give you another reason to stop trying. So what will make you try? My nagging and bantering don't get anywhere, but neither does passivity.
If you knew you would try to hold me until the nightmare goes away, but I want to push you away instead. You are the reason for it. Hold me anyway, I will sink into you. Buy me flowers, try to make up for the places I am dissapointed.
What do I want? Your dominance. Over my life, my future, my children. Have I said this loud enough? As I make the plans and track funds and pay bills and tell you whether we can do this and that. Because it is left up to me, and I am living opposite how I always wanted.
Can this constitute a nightmare? No, there is a reason I shake me head to avoid the attachment of such a word. It is just something I have to overcome, work with you on without treating you like a child. Hold up my head against scorn and keep moving forward.
i made some tea
and walked out onto the deck, barefoot.
baby tea leaves
glimmering spiderweb's line struck
string pulled and swaying
i walked through it anyway.
bugs this way and that
tea's too hot yet
and i don't like how there are already
so many wasps trying,
plinking into the vinyl and glass,
zooming. i'm leaning over the rail.
i forgot about the dog.
the basement's colder.
she ignored me
and walked through the mud.
i walked through the gravel, barefoot.
in the front yard, i heard
half-tadpoles sort-of hiding
and escaping bluegills.
i think it's time
to go back inside.
a backyard path,
still damp with dew
and some daffodils for added intensity
in the sunshine
leads me back to the patio bricks,
and i find they are warmer.
i'm opening the door now
and the dog goes inside.
a bug runs into my face.
i spilled the tea.
She's getting happier by the day
So many boys and girls to learn about
Many opportunities to learn and grow
She just needs to recognize them
It's a flow of words rushing to your head
Rushing, gushing, flowing, splashing
In an endless whirlpool of voices
Shattering into your skull
Making it hard to think
Numbing your senses
To the point of
And it dosen't stop there
Windows around you shatter
But you won't find help here
There's a fire burning inside.
Inspired by September 11th, 2001.