Life Not Divine

What happened to the fairy tale
Of how life should be?
What happened to the love
In my broken family?

This world is cold and unforgiving
I’m trapped and I’m alone.
With nothing left inside of me
But the bitterness of my soul.

As time goes on
I feel more and more confused.
As days pass by
There’s less and less for me to lose.

How can I go on?
How can I survive?
In a life so unfriendly
In a life not divine.

the taste of death

you know its that familiar taste,
that resonates in my memories,
will you please show my how to go on,
when my will is postponed,
like a trip to the moon to be near you,
failing to rid myself,
of my destructive mood,
the night is young,
my pain is ancient,
and not so well scripted,
no soldiers to save me,
this path is clearly chosen and my own,
i destruct before your eyes,
you noticed nothing of the great blaze,
blankly i stare off into the silhouetted sky,
the moon illustrates the drift,
between sanity and insanity,
she feels to let go,
though she hangs on,
long enough to fall flat to her death,
the moment was not a minute too soon,
she regrets his taste,
in her mouth of mind,
this is all that makes her feel,
she feels incredibly sad.

one regret only

gone and forgotten,
tomorrow never comes when you wait this hard,
soulfully and joyfully i move to new ways to release,
your eyes still stuck behind the malice of the defeat,
but i always felt alone so there is no real big difference,
except i am no longer filled in sexual ways,
my legs are wrapped around the thought of you,
i miss not having a lover,
the lover that never loved me,
who do i pretend to be,when your not you,
the girl was my shadow,
bouncing from fear to lingering rants,
the man always had a drunken tangent to go off on,
was not looking forward to the end,
the beginning was so nice,
i sit facing the wall,
the wall that never moves or leaves,
safe i am everything all at once with you so far away,
baby was the shift so visual as it was emotional?
i can not reinforce my feelings,
i lack such mediocre things,she feels me,
under the reality of suffocating,
she welts with heart ache,
he just simply kills himself,
she has been dead so long,
her body never had the chance to decompose,
she has only one regret,she never gave love a chance.


my core is belittled by your sadness,
i stand here knowing i feel like a zombie at times,
maybe i am a zombie,
who knows,i walk i talk fake,
i do not care to be real,
it would create problems,
i would have to explain why i am sad,
there is no reason,
thats how it is here inside,
no one knows this,
but i ask god every night to take me away,
so i will not have to do it on my own,
i do not want to be selfish,
so i live i live i live i live,
with out life,
this is not how its supposed to be,
you know my dads got enough pills to make me cease,
you know i think its alright,
i think even the gun and the bullet are my friend,
they been calling out for me so long,
i think its almost time,
to go to hell i do not care,
what could be worse then this?
to know im not ever going to fulfill my own happiness,
let alone my loves,
i will at least be enough to fill a place in hell,
god can just keep my loves safe there,
i will thank him before i go...

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unspoken memories

enough has been said,
i tell you my friend love is dead in me,
calling out your name,
you would never know i speak such words,
the belief i carry along the way,
of leaving you behind,
is that what is true shall prevail,
that hope keeps me whole,
while i empty myself of your eyes,
this love breaks and makes me,
the whore is giving herself away,
creeping into new lovers palms,
salting the side walk,
to get off easier,
skeet skeet baby,
mellow my mind,
sink somewhere deeper inside,
make me hurt,
the bleeding succumbs to my eager pulse,
repeatedly repenting,
growing colder to become warmer,
does my aura float you boat,
breathing simplicity to rhyme a rhyme,
her sheets become sex with painful heat,
bang bang baby are you dead,
shot you along time ago,
i did not know my thoughts are delayed,
surely my hearts got a reason,
malice filled destruction,
making mountains shift,
with the slight lift of unspoken regret.

sparkly gutter

do not turn around,
withering in your spiral of self neglect,
respond to my heart,
with something other than lies,
cold and calculating,
your fierce words only tell me,
your lacking something inside,
so much so,your about to lose control yourself,
i wish you well,i do really,
though i would not lose any sleep,
watching you sparkle in the gutter,
next to the likes of me.
lil' dorque



Holy title written
rides a wave of sheepishness
this faith we cannot see or touch
Nephilim allowed to rape and meld
armys march and genocide prevail
this god of love
A sinner created
no choice but to accept
Disbelief and open mind
have changed my hell
no ark need save me
the rain begins to fall
the trumpets sounded
omnipotence used against me

dustinashe 2005
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my mind amplified

bouncing thoughts race,
mellowed trances save me,
from lingering in self pity,
a mood less than bitter,
i promise someday i will be stronger,
i shall become less heartless,
do you know how much it hurts,
to have your life shoved in your face,
your faults,your past,
the things you wish were gone,
well i do,blaming myself as days go on,
trying to figure out what i should do,
if i should try,if i should smile,
or cut my veins till fluffy haze comforts me,
this is my mind amplified,sometimes i can not see,
past my anger,the rising sadness,
that shadows even the happiest of moments,
its like being cut while your completely content,
though you know i do not mind,
its just the fact that,i do not need it,
something tells me my world,shall crash,
many more times,eagerly awaiting,
since after i am all the way at rock bottom,
i have nowhere to go but up,time stands still.


seething deeply without regret,
yet something tugs at my heart,
smearing myself into the night,
my body lingers in dirty corners,
though i do not care that much,
still so much i do not understand,
like the fact i use myself to hurt myself,
neighborly heights to hit bottom,
why am i stuck with this disease,
trying to tear my heart apart,
with no pain,with no love,
the girl you see,is only a numb image,
mirror mirror,tell me what do you see,
a blank stare,with eyes of fire,
hidden beneath oceans of fears,
i have lost so much,so afraid to lose much more.