i dont know if i can do it this year. he was the last thing i had, he literally helped me get through most of my dark days. and now i wont have him why? because i couldnt help him get through one of his...his last one.
Mother and I had a huge arguement today, infact we are still fighting only instead of using words we are yelling "i hate you" in silence......silence in my opinion is more hurtful.
i hate being the daughter she cant help.
i hate being the one who has failed.
i hate feeling like this (but i love it at the same time)
but most of all i hate not knowing whats expected of me, or who i am as a person. everyone around me is having life changes for the better, but not me, no i am standing still unsure, and afrai to do anythign
is that it am i afraid? of what...myself?
so many questions need to be answerd...
this past week has been hell on earth for me. i havent had time to welcom sleep and i havent consumed any food. i feel drained. its like my body is withering away and i see it but i refuse to alter is course.
i cut myself so much, that i begin to wonder how muchblood i have left.