not much has happend and of course, not much improvement has been made by me. maybe i should just throw up my white flag and call it a match. perhaps..but not right now. no right now i am sure i have something to live for.
as i was lying in my room last night...this question kept coming to me: "is happiness really worth it all?"
i mean thought i wanted happiness but the more i thikn about it the more it doesnt make sense. just because i am wont take away the years of pain, wont erase any bad memories. really happiness is just another word to me now. it is now meaningless and not worth it. Also happy people are never really happy, i dont even think there is such an emotion, its just another false hope to distract us from being us. how do we know that once we are fully happy we still wont feel empty?
think about it.
i know what bottom feels like is the top any different, sure i might smile but who is to say i wont be little empy me again?...does this make sense?
anyway one of my friends stumbled across my entries and he suggested to me that i should write a book about all this shit, he says the way i write is different...do any of u people agree?
i have also found some old poems i wrote, and i put one on my lj...if anyone is interested please feel free to read it, altho it is friends only so i will add you if u wish to read it. yes i rememebr those days when poetry was my medication, now my precious razor blade is
who knew something so beautiful could leave a scar so deep.
Happiness? no its all about completeion, i'd rather feel whole.
"You think its lonely at the top. well let me tell you man, it kills at the bottom"