slowly_dying000 (slowly_dying000) wrote in _bloody_sorrow_,

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"The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had"

well since the last time i've written in here alot has happend. I decided maybe the answer couldnt be found in meds, and that maybe i needed to just get up and leave. so one night when my mom was asleep i left. i went to my bf's grave and sat, then i got up and walked until i was lost. but it was funny i wasnt lost, well i was but i knew that was where i wanted to be...idk its hard to explain.

idk it was so weird being alone, i didnt care tho..anything beats being at home. but like usual all good things come to an end and i ended up back at home, god dammit i am pissed aobut that.
right away when i got back i went to my room, its the one place that i like about my home, other than that nothing. mom is begingn to blame herself, but this isnt about her, its about me. god that sounds selfish but idk what else to say.

but yea today was bad....real bad. i began to cut...and i didnt know when to stop....but it felt so good u know?

i dont think ill ever get better...but maybe i dont want so used to this life..if u can even call it that
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