She's so high. (shmannah) wrote in _bloody_sorrow_,
She's so high.

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I found a few things I wrote ages ago about cutting.
I thought I'd share.
I've probably posted them in this community before under another name, but oh well.

"This isn't another fucking pointless trend. We aren't more slaves to the world who are taught what to feel and think. The world is a mindless cult. We're looking for a way to escape that and cutting is the way we choose to escape from you molding us to your 'perfection.'"

eternity in bloody pleasure
get a knife
slit your wrists
live forever
make a fist
hurt yourself
and when you're done
the bruises cuts and pain are gone

"It's not about being cool. It's about being in love with the pain."

"I've got a way to explain cutting to those who don't cut. If you don't cut you really can't know the feeling. You can't know why we do it. I remember talking to Amanda before I cut and when she would do it I'd freak out and tell her not to. I still do. It's mainly cause she said she went sXe and I guess I wanted her to actually do it, but I gave up last night and this morning I just started thinking about it. Even I don't understand sometimes, cause I guess I'm not really that much of a cutter. I don't go too deep but it's basically cause I'm afraid I'll do some permenant damage. Amanda doesn't even think about that. Well anyway my way of explaining is a feeling that I do understand. It's like being horny, but not for sex, for pain. You really need to cut. So there you go... anyone agree?"

It's almost different now. Sometimes it's like that, but others it's like if I don't, I'll tear myself apart. Everything inside me wants to run in a different direction and it's just a way I can mellow myself out. When I get in one of those moods, without it I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't do anything but cry and scream and it gets impossible to hold myself in one place... if that makes the slightest sense at all.

Tonight I'm ok.

In the morning my scars are just reminders.

But while I'm making them, I am nothing but the flesh and the blood and the razor. I'm finally centered. I'm finally calm. I'm finally whole. And I know that I'm in control.
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