August 21st, 2006


I Wont Let This Build Up Inside Of ME

old habbits die hard..which is why i have been cutting non stop i suppose.
some ppl call me weak. perhaps i am. but they are the ones who have never had it like me. there was a point in time when i loved myself, when i could love someone...but that just seems like a fairy tale now. a fairy tale that cant ever be read again.

Sometimes i do find myself thinking about those times and i wont notice it...but there will be a smile on my face. but that smile is quickly replaced by emptyness. yes thats it emptyness.

when people find out i cut they usually ask me why do i inflict such harm on my self?

my answer is this "its nothing compared to the harm and pain others have inflicted upon me"

no i dont blame anyone for making me who i am today. no this is my fault somehow. but i was helped along my path to hatred and lonliness.

i alone think i am my worst enemy.
my life is in my own hands.
what do do with it is my choice. as it was his.

i mean the feel of the razor blade against ones skin can only help so much right?
whats left after the numbness goes away and the pain is all you can feel?
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