ski_cries (ski_cries) wrote in _bleed_like_me_,
ski_cries
ski_cries
_bleed_like_me_

wow it has been 5 months since the last time i have had a cutting spree. i had just got a new sposor in NA and we worked the first two steps. we did it two wednesdays in a row and both times i cut. she had told me that she didnt think that she could be my sponsor any more because of the cutting. i freaked out and did the only thing that came to my head and that was to promise that i would never cut again. i was hospitalized a couple of weeks ago and even forgot about my promise and want to cut but didnt. i was so proud of myself.
   have you ever made a promise only to save your ass and thought that in a couple of weeks that person woudnt remember that promise at all and you could resume to your old ways again? thats what i thought that would happened and knwo its been 5 months. i knew thats no a lot of time but it has helped and it kinds of feels good to know that i am a woman of my word. know dont get me wromg there are times i feel so dame bad and thats the only thing that feels good. thats the only thing that makes everything seem okay but i dont want to break my promise/ it takes what it takes.
    i now that most of us cut becasue it feels like we are in control and sometimes we are in so much pain thats the only way we can reliev our pain and make it go away. all i can say is that bcacuse of my sponsor  and my wellingness to keep my word i have not cut and i suggest that you find some way to give up cutting its not worth the pain we cause in other and ourselves. when i was cutting i would always tell my love ones i cant get enough scars and i cant stop cutting. i just want to cut. but like i said when i see the pain i my sposors eyes because of me cutting it was painful to see and i didnt want to hurt those in my live any more. so thats why i say it takes what it takes. 
     
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