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Mon, Oct. 10th, 2005, 08:34 pm
bloody_eyes1518: its been a while

It has been a while since i have written in this thing school has started again and of course it comes with a whole lot of drama that is what makes the years of high school the best for some but yet for others not so good. Lately I have been lost in my self not knowing who i am any more.... what does that say about me? I have no clue maybe you can answer my question to my self.....this has got to be the most personal that i have gotten on these entries...weird I know. I am going through some stuff right now with so many subjects in my life and it blows i wish i could change what i have said and done....but there is no going back and i have to deal with what i have done...Now for those out there that might take this entry in a complete different perspective than what i am actually saying, please dont, i have not done anything illegl at least i thnk..................

Mon, Nov. 14th, 2005 12:05 am (UTC)

I can't answer your question, for it is the same I am asking myself for a long time. I can just tell you how I am feeling about this:

I often wish to change things, nearly every day. I often have this feeling that I fucked up my life... no, I more often have the feeling that I am about to fuck up my life, but I have now idea what idea to do about it. It's scary, I'm sitting there, knowing that I shouldn't do this and that I'll hate myself for it later, I know this is wrong this to do or say, but I can't help myself... And then it is all too late.

But I got to now that most of the time, despite how guilty and bad you feel about it, it isn't as bad as you think. This won't help you, I know, but believe me - in 99% of the cases everything will work out. And it doesn't matter if it is illegal or not, the feeling stays all the same.