Xposted in my Journal and on myspace.
It's simple, but it's also complicated.
I was dating Kyle Dietz and the happiest I had ever been when I start talking to Carrington. Carrington and I had been in the same computer class and he had recently recruited me into a group with him and Allan so I could do their work while they played games. But it was the time for planning things for the musical, so it was alright.
Well... Carrington knew he could manipulate me. He knew how to mess with my head. So he convinced that because Kyle and I didn't talk all that much, that Kyle was treating me like crap.
So I broke up with Kyle, the first guy (besides Jeff <3 you Jeff) to love me with everything and anything he had, and I started dating Carrington.
Carrington and I had A LOT of sex. if we were together, and we weren't in school, we fucked that day at least once. Carrington's never really been a guy for protected sex and convinced me (the self proclaimed safe sex nazi) to have unprotected sex because of his condition. He said he couldn't have kids. It wasn't really a surpise when a month and a half into our relationship that I was Pregnant.
I told him and he came over. We discussed it and he convinced me to have an abortion. Not for my own good mind you, but for his. I was hoping to have this child or give it up for abortion. But Carrington's family couldn't know about it. He'd be kicked out. I told my mom, we scrounged up the $450 dollars for an abortion, and I made the appointment.
Three days before my abortion, Carrington's ex dropped a bomb. Turns out, I wasn't the first girl he had gotten pregnant.
So the day of my abortion came. That's right, three weeks ago I had a fetus removed from my body, not an ovarian cyst. I was 8 weeks pregnant, and had fetal movement. It made me cry. I had already grown attached to this child inside of me, and I was about to kill it.
The days following the abortion were hard. My hormones were out of wack. I was haunted by my own thoughts. I kept thinking, "what does my Dad think of me now?" Everytime I was alone I cried. I just wasn't strong enough. I would call Carrington practically begging him to come over and be with me. He wanted to play video games. I kept trying to tell him that I wasn't strong like the other girl, I couldn't go through it alone. Allan told Carrington to tell me that he needed some "Carrington time."
Three days later, he broke up with me, saying that I was too emotional. I was left with nothing. Until today I thought I still loved him. Today was the day I realized that the entire time, he was just using me for sex. It all makes sense. I mean the girl he was kinda with before wouldn't have sex with him, and he knew I would because I'm easy. And after my abortion, I could have sex. Then he dumped me. It all goes hand in hand.
Luckily, Kyle took me back and loves me all the same. He's my savior and my lover. Without him and Chris Grimm, I probably would have already offed myself.