(the gospel according to st. bastard) (lust_for_life) wrote in _basement,
(the gospel according to st. bastard)
lust_for_life
_basement

THE PLAYERS: lust_for_life, key_to_me, sandersrocksit, bobby_briggs, gothic_lab_rat
THE SCENARIO: Someone has a wet dream. Hilarity ensues.

* Jean-Paul is having a dream about billie joe armstrong.
* key_to_me hopes it is a fantastic dream!
* Jean-Paul is apparently in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory with him, rocking out on chocolate electric guitars
* key_to_me would consider that pretty goddamn awesome, yeah.
* Jean-Paul hums 'Letterbomb'.
* AbbySciuto falls back in with an "oof"
key_to_me :O
key_to_me Abby are you okay.
Jean-Paul Danglybits.
* Jean-Paul is apparently having an AWESOME dream.
key_to_me ......Way to go, JP.

* Jean-Paul smiles.
* Bobby_Briggs wakes up.
* AbbySciuto mumbes "yes..."
Bobby_Briggs Huh.
key_to_me :O Bobby whoa.
* AbbySciuto is trying to figure out how to get the Caf Pow stains out of her lab coat.
Bobby_Briggs ...I think I musta passed out.
key_to_me I think you did, holmes.
Bobby_Briggs Thank you for that confirmation, Doctor Watson.
key_to_me .....Aww, you're from the past. It's cute.
* Jean-Paul is apparently having an AWESOME dream, if the state of his peen0r is to be believed.
Bobby_Briggs oh right.
* Bobby_Briggs glances at Jean-Paul.
Bobby_Briggs Wonder who he's fucking.
key_to_me He said something about Billie Joe Armstrong a while ago.
Bobby_Briggs ...who?
Novak[human] Lead singer of Green Day.
Novak[human] Perpetual Eyemakeup.
Bobby_Briggs ...uh okay.
Jean-Paul Wonka.
Bobby_Briggs ...
key_to_me He's cute. Trust me.
Bobby_Briggs THAT is just not RIGHT.
* Novak[human] displays a picture: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v202/Seimiya/BJA.jpg
key_to_me ....although I can't speak to Wonka.
key_to_me I mean... NOT EVEN JOHNNY DEPP. Not EVEN.
Jean-Paul Mmmmmm.
Bobby_Briggs ...Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka? That's weird.
* Jean-Paul rolls over. Is apparently having a VERY FUCK AWESOME AMAZING FABULOUS FANTASTIC dream.
* AbbySciuto blinks.
key_to_me O_O DAMN, jaypee.
* AbbySciuto is impressed.
* key_to_me is politely averting her eyes, because DAYUM.
* Bobby_Briggs glances.
Bobby_Briggs Hello, Prince Albert.
key_to_me Bobby! Don't stare, it's impolite.
Bobby_Briggs ...he'd love it and you know it.
key_to_me ....okay you know he probably would. Still.
AbbySciuto somebody make Tony stop moping...
Bobby_Briggs Also- Hi. We don't seem to have met. I'm Bobby Briggs.
* Jean-Paul turns faintly red.
Bobby_Briggs ...who?
* Bobby_Briggs is asking Abby.
Bobby_Briggs ...you know?
Bobby_Briggs I think that's the first I've ever seen JP blush.
key_to_me You need to look at JP more often then.
Bobby_Briggs Well, you know, my eyes are always glued to his crotch.
* Bobby_Briggs pauses to think. Grins stupidly.
* Jean-Paul just ruined these pants.
key_to_me ...............................................
* Bobby_Briggs notes "James has really been working out lately." He seems to have missed the *cough* puddle o' JP.
* key_to_me DIDN'T. Is pretending like it didn't happen, though. >_>- "Is that so."
* Bobby_Briggs nods, grinning.
key_to_me Well hey, um... more for you? Or... something. >_>
* Bobby_Briggs chuckles. "He's frigging huge."
* Greg_Sanders wanders by and puts a napkin on JP's lap.
* key_to_me COUGHS.
* Bobby_Briggs glances to see why Greg is putting a napkin on- OH good GOD.
* Jean-Paul 's lap is napkined.
Bobby_Briggs ...thank you, Greg.
* Jean-Paul should have worn underpants today
Greg_Sanders I do my part for society, I do.
* key_to_me is TRYING SO HARD NOT TO LOOK, OH GOD.
Bobby_Briggs When he wakes up?
key_to_me GREG CAN YOU CHECK THE CLOSET FOR ANOTHER PAIR OF PANTS.
Greg_Sanders Yes, yes I can.
key_to_me WHEN HE WAKES UP HE'S GOING TO WANT ANOTHER PAIR.
Bobby_Briggs The first words out of our mouths need to be 'WHAT WERE YOU DREAMING OF.'
* Greg_Sanders does so.
* AbbySciuto sighs, throws her lab coat over JP. "He can keep it."
* Jean-Paul sleeps. Smiling. ^_^
AbbySciuto He can impersonate a scientist with it or something later.
* Bobby_Briggs can't believe JP has wet dreams about Steve Buscemi.
* Greg_Sanders gets a pair of jeans and puts them by JP's head. "Oh great. I can't wait until he comes waltzing into the Las Vegas crime lab."
Bobby_Briggs So yeah.
AbbySciuto Well, it does say NCIS on it.
Bobby_Briggs Shoulders out to there and then some.
AbbySciuto So he'd have to cover it up, unless you actually get a case with a Navy or Marine officer involved.
* Bobby_Briggs 's brain functions as any reasoning human's should. When confronted with horrors it cannot contain, he simply MAGICALLY forgets about the horrors and talks about sex.
key_to_me He and I can totally come bug you at work someday, right Greg? :O
* Jean-Paul totally objects to his ejaculation being referred to as a "horror".
AbbySciuto I'd invite you to come bug me, but like... Gibbs isn't too friendly with visitors....
* Bobby_Briggs apologizes, JP.
key_to_me I could probably beat him up anyway. Who's Gibbs.
Greg_Sanders We ... might! And yeah you can, Key :D
* Bobby_Briggs 's brain functions as any reasoning human's should. When confronted with sticky nasty messes it cannot contain, he simply MAGICALLY forgets about the horrors and talks about sex.
AbbySciuto My boss.
key_to_me :D Yayz!!
* Jean-Paul thinks that's marginally better
key_to_me Also: Yes, I could definitely beat him up then.
Bobby_Briggs Who, JP?
* Jean-Paul is developing a nice bruise on his cheek by the way, thanks Key :D
* Bobby_Briggs doesn't say anything about the bruise SERVING JP RIGHT for beating on Bobby's shoulder all these long days.
key_to_me No, Abby's boss. :D
Bobby_Briggs Ohhh.
* key_to_me would stop beating up JP if he stopped being so DIFFICULT.
* Jean-Paul blames the duck.
key_to_me Although I can beat up JP too.
AbbySciuto No beating up my boss.
* AbbySciuto is actually kind of fond of the big grump.
key_to_me Even though he's taller than me and weighs more. And can fly. >_>
key_to_me I wouldn't beat him up, Abby, do not worry. :D
AbbySciuto You can beat up Tony and/or McGee though!
* Jean-Paul 's eyes open.
AbbySciuto ...though Tony might like it.
key_to_me :D Cool. Any time they do something stupid, you just threaten to have a 5-foot-tall teenage girl friend of yours beat the snot out of them.
AbbySciuto and Jean-Paul, that lab coat is now yours. Really yours.
Jean-Paul Mmmm?
Bobby_Briggs What on earth were you dreaming of, JP
Greg_Sanders ...... you creamed your jeans, dude. *totally tactless*
key_to_me ..........GREG.
Jean-Paul Um... *realizes this!*
Greg_Sanders WHAT.
Jean-Paul .............................................
* Jean-Paul turns red. OH MY GOD, JP BLUSHED.
key_to_me YOU'RE NOT A VERY SENSITIVE PERSON, GREG.
Bobby_Briggs You were FUCKING WILLY WONKA.
Bobby_Briggs WEREN'T YOU.
Jean-Paul NO
Greg_Sanders I KNOW THAT. :D
Jean-Paul NO I WASN'T
* Jean-Paul looks shifty. Sits up.
Bobby_Briggs ...Charlie Bucket?
Jean-Paul WHAT NO EW
Novak[human] HE'S LIKE SIX.
* Bobby_Briggs cackles like a mad thing.
Jean-Paul EW EW EW
Bobby_Briggs So what the hell was going on over there with the moaning and the couch-humping and the grinding?
Jean-Paul I WAS NOT.
Bobby_Briggs ...actually, yeah, you were.
Novak[human] You were.
key_to_me JP, you moaned "Wonka".
Jean-Paul YOU'RE A LIAR. YOU'RE ALL LIARS. I DID NOT.
Bobby_Briggs We all saw it. And you did moan 'Wonka'.
* AbbySciuto nods
Jean-Paul >_>
Novak[human] and that's' REALLY FRIGGIN CREEPY.
* AbbySciuto plays the tape.
Jean-Paul ..................
Bobby_Briggs You really ought to-- SEE?
Jean-Paul YOU TAPED IT?
Jean-Paul WHY IN GOD'S NAME DID YOU TAPE IT
Novak[human] WE KNEW YOU WOULDNK'T BELIEVE US
AbbySciuto ...surveilance!
Jean-Paul OF MY PENIS?
Greg_Sanders ..... we essentially just made a porno of JP :/
key_to_me HAAAHAHAHAHAHA ABBY RULES.
Greg_Sanders I HAD NO PART IN THIS XD
Bobby_Briggs You really ought to come up with an explanation before we wander around behind you singing 'OOMPA-LOOMPA DOOPITY-DOO, I'VE GOT A SIX-INCH HARDON FOR YOU'
Greg_Sanders I was zoning out!
Jean-Paul SHUT UP BOBBY
Bobby_Briggs QUICK.
Bobby_Briggs HURRY
* key_to_me CANNOT... STOP..... LAUGHING
* Bobby_Briggs is grinning.
Jean-Paul FUCK YOU I'LL KILL YOU
* AbbySciuto giggles.
* Jean-Paul moves................ um. needs new pants for this.
* Greg_Sanders points to the pair nearby. :O
Bobby_Briggs There are fresh pants near your head. And the labcoat may offer you some privacy. And I'll get you a blanket if yuo'd rather.
Jean-Paul >_> *grabs the pants and the coat and shimmies to the bathroom*
* Bobby_Briggs snickers.
Bobby_Briggs He's so gonna fucking beat on me.
* key_to_me ROLLS AROUND ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING SO HARD THAT NOTHING IS COMING OUT
* Bobby_Briggs looks at Key.
AbbySciuto do you think it was a bad idea giving him the coat?
* Bobby_Briggs HOWLS laughter.
* key_to_me CANNOT STOP- "STOP I'M GONNA PEEEEEEEE"
* Bobby_Briggs finds that even funnier.
Novak[human] I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SAID THAT BOBBY
Greg_Sanders THAT WAS WORSE THAN WHAT I SAID XD
Novak[human] i know
Novak[human] YES
* AbbySciuto brings up the tape on the plasma screen, making digital enhancements.
* Jean-Paul DIDN'T EVEN GET PAID FOR THAT!
key_to_me ABBY ARE YOU GOING TO PUT THAT ON THE INTERBUTT.
* Bobby_Briggs points at the plasma screen, reduced to saying 'hhhhhhhhhhhhh'
* Novak[human] will PAY JAYPEE.
AbbySciuto POSSIBLY
* Jean-Paul would also note that there's already videos of him on the interbutt ._.
* key_to_me CANNOT BREATHE
* AbbySciuto adds a soundtrack of Bobby's little song.
* Jean-Paul is back >_> Throws the soiled pants in the closet. THEY'RE RUINED, TAINTED.
* Jean-Paul is also wearing the coat which is like a zillion sizes too big, skinny ass.
AbbySciuto This is so the next Badger Badger Badger
Jean-Paul NO IT'S NOT
Bobby_Briggs ...the next wh-what?
key_to_me HAHAHHAAHA VECTOR TRACE *dies*
* AbbySciuto puts it on a loop.
Jean-Paul YOU ARE NOT PUTTING THAT ON THE INTERBUTT I'LL KILL YOU WITH AN AXE
* key_to_me CANNOT FUCKING BREATHE
AbbySciuto I'LL KILL YOU BACK WITH GIBBS!
Jean-Paul YOU CAN'T BEAT AN AXE WITH A STUFFY OLD MAN
* Bobby_Briggs starts to think about dead puppies. Kittens turned inside out by automobile impact. Nuns. Martha Stewart. Eventually, he stops laughing.
AbbySciuto HAVE YOU MET GIBBS?!
Bobby_Briggs I'm sorry, Jean-Paul.
Jean-Paul BELIEVE ME, I'v etried >_>
* key_to_me ROLLLLLLLS AROUUUUUUND
Bobby_Briggs . o O ( DEAD PUPPIES. DEAD PUPPIES. DEAD PUPPIES AND ANGRY NUNS. NUNS, ANGRY ABOUT DEAD PUPPIES.))
Jean-Paul ...and just so you KNOW
Jean-Paul I was having sex with Billie Joe Armstrong >_>
Jean-Paul ...in the chocolate factory.
Bobby_Briggs ...wonka was your safe-word, wasn't it.
Jean-Paul >_> n...o
Jean-Paul um
Jean-Paul there was this ...
Jean-Paul ...oompa loompa...
Jean-Paul OH GOD
Jean-Paul THAT SOUNDS SO WRONG
Greg_Sanders jfdkshgljdshg
* Bobby_Briggs manages not to cackle.
Jean-Paul OH GOD
Jean-Paul HE WALKED IN YOU FUCKS
Jean-Paul HE WALKED IN
Jean-Paul MOTHERFUCKERS
* key_to_me has pretty much passed out from not breathing
Bobby_Briggs It really ss-sounds more wrong without you finishing the story.
Jean-Paul I HATE ALL OF YOU
* Bobby_Briggs deadpans "But we love you, Jean-Paul!"
* key_to_me just sort of flails ineffectually
* Jean-Paul throws a pillow at him
AbbySciuto ...
* Bobby_Briggs allows the pillow to smack him.
* AbbySciuto UPLOADS
Jean-Paul YOU GET THAT OFF THE INTERBUTT RIGHT THIS SECOND
AbbySciuto TOO LATE
* Bobby_Briggs blinks. LAUGHS.
* Jean-Paul SCREAMS
* key_to_me points at Abby and with ALL THE EFFORT IN HER BODY, says "Newgrounds!!"
AbbySciuto YOUR WET DREAM BELONGS TO THE WORLD NOW
* Jean-Paul TACKLES
* Jean-Paul TACKLES EVERYONE, YES EVERYONE
* key_to_me is just making squeaking noises at this point. Dead. Sorry.
* Bobby_Briggs giggles, going to extract Abby from the grasp of the JP- oh, he's being tackled? Fine, he just latches on.
Jean-Paul I HATE YOU
Jean-Paul I HATE YOU SO MUCH
* Bobby_Briggs hugs Jean-Paul. "I'm sorry you had something so embarassing happen to you."
AbbySciuto ...but I airbrushed you to look all hot-like!
Jean-Paul ....
Bobby_Briggs ...you had to airbrush him?
Jean-Paul ARE YOU SAYING I'M NOT HOT
Jean-Paul ;_;
Bobby_Briggs Damn, I gotta see this, because he's fucking hot already.
AbbySciuto Nobody looks hot on surveilance tape.
AbbySciuto So I had to rework it.
Jean-Paul *SAD KITTY FACE*
* Bobby_Briggs makes no effort to go see it- he continues to hang onto JP.
* AbbySciuto watches JP's inbox fill with OFFERS FOR CASUAL SEXXORS
* Bobby_Briggs says to JP, quietly, "would you have done /any differently/ to /me/, if /I/ had a wet dream down here?"
Jean-Paul YES
* AbbySciuto kinda added his email to the bottom of the screen.
Jean-Paul I WOULD NOT HAVE POSTED IT TO THE INTERBUTT
Bobby_Briggs ...okay, true.
Jean-Paul ;_;
* Bobby_Briggs leans and kisses JP's forehead.
key_to_me I WOULD HAVE
* AbbySciuto hands him the royalty cheque.
Jean-Paul ;_;
Bobby_Briggs Psst. The lady wants to hand you something.
* Jean-Paul is broken. YOU BROKE JP.
* Bobby_Briggs examines the-- "The lady wants to hand you /a check/, JP."
AbbySciuto monnnnnney.
* AbbySciuto waves it in front of his face/
Jean-Paul ;_;
Bobby_Briggs ...tuck it in his pants pocket? Or mine, I'll get him to endorse it to me.
* Bobby_Briggs manages, with this clever ruse, a CUNNING PLAN.
* AbbySciuto pokes JP
* Jean-Paul looks broken.
Bobby_Briggs No really PUT IT IN MY PANTS POCKET. I will see that he gets it.
* AbbySciuto calls the JP Repair Man.
* Jean-Paul has timed out. Abort/Retry/Fail?
Bobby_Briggs [R]
* Jean-Paul processes.
key_to_me :O JAYPEE'S A FUCKING ROBOT
Jean-Paul ...
Jean-Paul ...
* Jean-Paul has timed out. Abort/Retry/Fail?
key_to_me ABORT
Bobby_Briggs [R]
* Jean-Paul processes.
Jean-Paul ...
Jean-Paul ...
Jean-Paul ...
* Jean-Paul has timed out. Abort/Retry/Fail?
AbbySciuto [CTRL] [ALT] [DEL]
Bobby_Briggs Aww.
* Bobby_Briggs pets the JP.
* AbbySciuto reboots the JP.
* Jean-Paul has encountered an error and must close.
AbbySciuto No wonder, he's running on Windows ME.
key_to_me GODDAMNIT HE'S A ROBOT!!!
Bobby_Briggs retornez-vous, p'tit Jean-Paul!
* Bobby_Briggs attempts the goad of TERRIBLY ACCENTED FRENCH.
* Jean-Paul slumps.
Bobby_Briggs Aw shit.
* Jean-Paul whirrs.
AbbySciuto I HACKED THE PENTAGON I CAN FIX JP
Bobby_Briggs ...concussive maintenance technique?
* Jean-Paul reboots.
* Bobby_Briggs strokes JP's back.
Jean-Paul What?
Bobby_Briggs You completely lost it.
key_to_me JAYPEE IS THE FUCKING ROBOT
key_to_me NOT ME
key_to_me HIM
key_to_me AHAHAHAHAHHAA
Jean-Paul What are you talking about?
* Bobby_Briggs clicks the 'yes' button on the 'report a serious crash' dialogue box.
Bobby_Briggs we're talking about you, completely losing it.
Jean-Paul ...Bobby why are you poking me?
AbbySciuto wait, if he's a robot, how did he just... ?
AbbySciuto ...
Bobby_Briggs Also, you had a wet dream, we mocked you, and you completely lost your mind. ...er, and I'm not poking you.
Jean-Paul You just poked me. I'm not a robot, wtf.
Bobby_Briggs You were acting like one.
AbbySciuto ...Bobby, stop poking JP's nipple.
Bobby_Briggs I figured i should humor you.
key_to_me HE'S A FUCKING ROBOT.
key_to_me AND HE'S RUNNING MS-DOS.
Jean-Paul I am NOT a fucking robot
Bobby_Briggs S'true. He's not.
Bobby_Briggs I know fucking robots.
Bobby_Briggs I have fucked fucking robots.
Bobby_Briggs And this, ma'am, is NO fucking robot.
key_to_me .................*smacks Bobby*
Bobby_Briggs Ow.
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