Age: 17 (14/11/1988)
Location: Australia (duh)
Eating Disorder: Anorexia
Diagnosed or Self Diagnosed: Diagnosed
Time period of ED: About 5 years, on and off
Height: 175cm (5’9”)
Cw: 53kg (116.8lbs) BMI 17.6
Lw: 48kg (105.8lbs) BMI 16.0
Hw: 57kg (125.6lbs) BMI 18.6
STG: 50kg (110.2lbs) BMI 16.3
LTG: 45kg (99.2lbs) BMI 14.7
I have had a fixation with my body and weight for a while now ( over 5 years) and i know now that the hate and disgust I feel must be stoped.
I must get thin!
I have started watching everything I eat, everything i do. I am crazy, i know that as well, but I need to do this, I need to be like Kate Moss or any other of those beautiful supermodels you see in the Mags and on the TV. I need to be Perfect..
I admit I am frightened. I have heard so many horror stories of what happens to people, the physical and emotional side effects of this thing, but I have stoped caring, and i think that scares me the most.
Please, tell me i'm crazy if you think, or tell me I'm right.... I just need help, what ever that means. I need people that understand the horror of their bodies, the feeling of hopelessness, the pain.
But there is pleasure in this as well. I lost 1kg (about 2lb i think..) in only two days, and that made me feel so good, it gave me such a rush... I need more of that I think..
I have never been what is considered a healthy body weight for my height (62kg is the min 'healthy weight' i have never been over 57kg and that weight was from when i was at the clinic. I am normally around the 50kg mark ( +/- a kg) though i wish i was lower) I refuse to go anywhere near the 62kg weight, even when i was being looked after.
I feel sick every time I go near the scales, and if I have gained weight I will sink deeper into depression ( yes, i have also been diagnosed with that)
I look in the mirror and see a fat slob, with rolls around my gut and huge thighs, and no matter how thin people say i am i do not believe them. I have a book in which i have cut out hundreds of pictures of beautiful models and glued them in. I look at that all the time.
I did not have my periods at all last year. I managed to convince my doctor then that i was under stress from school and therefore he gave me yasmin and i started my periods again, though they only came once every three months even on the pill.
I am the "Restricting Type" and do not allow myself to eat more then 300cal a day if i am not almost fainting from hunger. If i start feeling faint i will drink power-aid or eat a little fruit. I feel like i have failed when i do so and the cycle starts again. I will binge sometimes, but not purge, and I work the food off over a 3 hour intense workout, despite the pain. I do an hour of intense workouts every day otherwise.
I hope i can make some good friends here, please say hello :)