PureMischief

(no subject)

I have a few confusions, but this is one i've just posted on girlsaskguys.com.

Over the past year, one of my best friends has started talking to me less and less, but only when he has a girlfriend.
At first there was no difference between when he did and when he didn't. But recently he's been speaking to me less and less.
It's been a lot more noticable with his current girlfriend, becuase he walks to and from school with her, so I barely ever even see him! She also makes him sit with her at lunch; once, my friend wanted a quick word, and he had to say a couple of tiimes "I'll be right there" she was a row behind us.
I think I can tell she doesn't like me. When he introduced us properly, I smiled and said hi like I would to any one else. she just sort of stared at me then spoke to him.
Honestly, incredibly rude when you think I was, in a way, fuelling their relationship at the time. He was writing, and I was helping him with it, he and her were obsessed with the fandom he was writing about. (they even use the characters names) -.-
I guess maybe I am sick to bloody death of mushy romantic stuff but I've watched all my friends be in relationships for years and I've had none. :/
Update: I haven't done or said anything about it!
If I did I know that we both would know I don't have the right. I, a constantly single girl, saying what's abnormal in a relationship? It wouldn't be right.
Update:
I can be quite posessive, but I can't help it.
All but him and another have been good friends who have never hurt me, let me down or made me feel like I don't exst to them.

I have a guy telling me to leave him alone and let them get on with their relationship (we barely speak as is... so am i supposed to?) and that if i liked him i should have made a move while he was single (first move for the first time? on top of the fact it'd be the first relationship i've been in where other people would know - my ex and i decided to keep it secret, as we'd both be bullied for liking the other)
And a girl telling me that if i do keep 'pushing' his girlfriend maybe he'd realise how controlling she's being (I told her i did see him with just her and her friends more often that with his friends)
I don't think the resposes could have gotten less alike or more extreme!
My girlsaskguys profile is here i have a few questions up, literally all about him. I know i'm not dealing to well with feelings, but its been the first time its taken precidence in my life. I've always been more mature than others in my school, and it feels like i'm only just being hit by hormones. -.- the one downside to finally having anti-depressants that work. I'm not worried about my family like i was before so my mind has gone "Look at him!"
Its so damned confusing!
  • Current Mood
    frustrated frustrated

Recent Breakup, Need Advice and Support

Hello,

     I am new to all this blog stuff, I just signed up with LJ today so I have a place to say how I really feel about things and get advice if anyone has any. I apologize if I seem to go off on a long rant, I'm really hurting right now....
    
     Sooo....

     I've been with my now exboyfrind for a while. We met, we clicked, and we became best friends very quickly. We get each other so well and can talk about anything. We were best friends for many months before both of our relationships went to Hell at the same time. His had been almost 4 years, mine was 3. We went back and forth for a month trying to decide whether to jump right in to something new, or to wait and give ourselves time to adjust and be ourselves for a while. We ended up beginning our relationship about a month after our others had ended. He still questioned things at the beginning, but we made it work. Things were great, we did everything together. We make each other laugh all the time, and we're happy together whether we're going to concerts or just snuggled up watching a movie. We were very deeply in ove very quickly. The love we felt in our past relationships was nothing compared to what we felt for each other.
     He injured his back and has a bulging disc now. He is often in a lot of pain, goes to a chiropractor, and physical therapy. He hasnt been able to work as much obviously, so now money is an issue too. Neddless to say, he is stressed. I am stressed too, with applying to schools and working, I always seem to be running late, and I have some bad days. I am stressed too. Our stresses effect each other as well, so not only are we trying to deal with our own problems, but each others as well. He also has a few issues with my past (before I even knew him I was raped/taken adantage of by someone I still see every once in a while through one of my close friends) and when this invidiual pops up it upsets my now exboyfriend a lot. We've talked about it a few times, but its a new situation for him and he doesnt know how to handle it.
     Almost 2 months ago he broe up with me saying he needed to work some things out, get his health issues taken care of and deal with the issues he has about my past. It tore me up. We were both miserable and talked the whole time. About 15 hours later he came to me with "I'm stupid, I'm so sorry. I want to be with you and I will never do this again." He bought me a beautiful promise ring for my birthday, white gold with 12 diamonds, and he went through and made a promise for each. Everything from quitting smoking to marrying me. He did quit smoking shortly after and things were great again.
     Things were actually going very well I thought. Until about a week ago. I was late (as usual) getting to his house and he sent me back home. Said my lateness was too stressful for him and he couldnt deal with it. From then on if I told him a time Id have to be there by then or stay home. The next day we worked together (my last day at that job and my last day working with him) and things were very weird. He tried talking to me, but I didnt know how I was supposed to act because he had seemed so mad and upset the night before. I wa shoping on my last day I could walk out of there happy with the one good thing I got out of that place : him. But instead work went slow and horrible and we left and went our own ways. That evening I went to my friends to give her her birthday present and that guy who raped/took advantage of me was there. I went to my boyfriend's afterwards and he asked if that guy was there. We have a very honest relationship and dont lie, and I told him that that guy was there. We had a rough night talking about that issue, but we got through it and went to sleep. The next day we slapt in, played around, wii fitted and had a great time.
     The next day I got out of class at 2:30 and went to his place. He was very upset and said he needed time. Time to deal with his issues and mine. He didnt want to leave me again, but he said he had to. His mind was going through a lot and he needed time to be him and deal with everything. He also said we both needed time to be ourselves and find ourselves since neither of us had been single since about our mid teens. We both cried and were very sad. I was shocked because it seemed to come out of nowhere after a day that I had thought was amazing. I went to class and we texted each other when I got home. I was hurting and made some mean sarcastic remarks and the night ended horribly. The next day was a bit more talkative and nice, but overall still very sad. I didnt tell anyone we broke up because I was still hoping he would do the same thing as last time and decide to be with me again. Around my family and friends I acted as if I was fine, while I was falling apart inside. The next day I went to see him after class for a few hours before he went to work. We laughed and played and even had sex. Things were giggly and playful and we still said we loved each other and such. After he got out of work I went over again and stayed the night. Same thing next day, happy and sex after class, spent the night. It was like nothing had changed, we were still together in my mind.
      Then yesterday, on a break from class he said he couldnt do it anymore. It was as if nothing changed and he was still having the same thoughts and stressors as before. I left class early bawling and went to his house. We talked more about it and it was the forst day that the word "over" registered to me. I had been acting fine, in my head we would be getting back together. But we werent, and I was NOT fine. He says he still loves me and theres a chance of being together in the future, but right now he needs time for him and we have to deal with just being friends again. He says to hope for the best but plan for the worst. Best case, we get back together. Worst case, I still have him as a best friend forever. He is just such a big part of my life and I love him so much. I understand where he is coming from, but its still very hard for me. I can barely eat, I cant sleep, and I cling to my phone like a freak. All I want is to be with him but I know I have to wait and give him his space. If I guilt trip him back into a relationship right now it wont be healthy for either of us and this would just happen again in another two months. I want him to be able to work all his stuff out so he can be with me again. Im just afraid that he will find that he is happier without me and decide to never be with me again :-( Im scared and confused and lost.

      My question is, do you guys think the chances are good that we will get back together? If I give him the time he needs, based on our great past and amazing friendship do you think this will end happily? Thats the only thing I have to hope for right now. He is the most important thing in my life and I dont want to be without him. All I want is to be with him and be happy with him forever.

Any advice or input is welcomed. I appreciate it.
Thanks
  • Current Mood
    drained drained

(no subject)

I'm new to this community but I need somewhere I can vent about my recent relationship problems with my boyfriend..
Some things happened between us and ever since all he has done is treat me like crap and walks all over me..
I'm so tired of the way he talks to me, Can you honestly say you love someone but still be so verbally mean??
I'm sick of him thinking he doesn't have to tell me anything but I have to tell him everything or he's up my ass about it, I'm just tired of him being like he is to me.
He's the one who decided to continue to be my boyfriend which means even if I did hurt him he can't just treat me like shit all the time now cause hes still mad
I'm sorry but he either has to get over it or admit he can't handle being with me anymore and move on cause I would rather not stay in a bad relationship anymore..
I just wish things would go back to how they use to be and I hope that this new attitude of his doesn't slowly get worse..
He thinks that all of our problems are just going to fix themselves but in reality we will have to put effort into it, both of us, and I'm not sure he even wants to..
He has apsolutely no motivation to do anything else so I dunno why he would have any now
How can I feel comfortable about moving in with him in a couple months if we can't even get along now?
We went from never fighting to fighting pretty much everyday..
What happens to people??
  • Current Mood
    sad sad
talkizhelp

New here

Well, I decided to join this community because lately I've been having really bad venting and ranting episodes with some friendships and an ended relationship. While I write about what's bothering me, I still feel like I'm being suffocated from everything because I don't share my journal with my RL friends because they'd just use it against me and while my ex is the only person who has access to it, he stays far away from it because he has little interest in my life these days.

So, I decided to do some online searching instead to see if I can find some people who don't mind reading what I've written. As a quick summary behind my recent ranting, in the course of three months I've lost half of my friends and my boyfriend because I have a mental breakdown out in public. Those friends have since then declared that I showed a private emotion in public and they want nothing to do with me. And to add to it, they basically dragged my boyfriend into it and caused so much tension in that relationship that I was left with breaking it off because the stress was causing internal harm to my body. And while my ex and I decided to keep a friendship, he basically treated me as an invisible individual and couldn't even come to my birthday after he told me he would...he couldn't even tell me he wouldn't be making it in the end!

Yup, that's most of it. I've got a couple of RL friends that have been putting up with my emotional ranting and crying lately, but when it comes to my hateful ranting...I don't have anyone to really go to.

So that's basically it. I hope to hear from someone
  • Current Mood
    blah blah

New guy seeking friends and advice.

   First off let me introduce myself. I'm a 29 year old male living in Memphis,TN. I have been in this relationship for almost 4 years. Before the relationship I was married and my wife left me for another man. I really jumped into a relationship TOO FAST but I did it anyway. My gf likes to play online and roleplay in games like World of Warcraft and things of that nature, well, she was doing that and about two months into the relationship i found out she was getting on webcam for a guy and they were having phone sex and it just killed me.  I already had trust issues and then that just made it worse and she would get upset at me because i wouldn't trust her. She would always tell me nothing was going on and yada yada yada. Fast forward to 3 years and 4 months later she has continued to roleplay online and she developed a crush on another guy. I was really  paranoid then and a day later she tells me that she was flirting with him and they talked about sex with each other and all that crap. Rewind to a couple days before, we argued for three hours about how I'm not sweet like i used to be and I'm always grumpy and in a bad mood and for the past few days i've been sweet to her. 
      I recently got a promotion and we had to relocate to the Memphis area. She hasn't worked since the end of May and she yelled at me the other night blaming me for all her failures and yelled " Why did I throw my life away for you?" First off,  that broke my heart in the worst way possible. Secondly, she spends all day long sleeping or playing online. I do just about all the cooking and probably 85 percent of the cleaning. I can't count on her to do anything. It's been that way for most of the relationship. Her life isn't very hard. I received the promotion and am currently able to pay all the bills with my salary including rent.  She has a problem with a guy that loves and wants to spend time with her. Today, she woke up early enough to take me to work because I need to replace to the brake pads on my car. She then comes home, plays online all day, I pull some strings and can get her a good job with a decent starting pay and she would work monday through friday no later than 5 p.m. and weekends off. She isn't excited about it or nothing, doesn't thank me or anything. We come home tonight at around 6 p.m. and the entire night she's on her computer roleplaying and ignoring me. I feel so alone in this relationship. I know what my heart is tellling me to do  but i don't want to be alone and I do love her but there's only so much one person can take. I have no one to talk to at all so i keep it all inside. 
      I know i have my issues. I'm paranoid, I don't trust her, I'm insecure but I love her and would do and do just about everything for her. I've been encouraging her to keep her head up when looking for a job. I told her to take her time because with my salary i can pay all our bills and we're ok. We have no money to go out or anything but we have a roof over our head and food on the table and the bills may be a little late but they are getting paid. I'm not mad or upset in anyway that she hasn't got a job yet. What i'm upset at is she'll put in one application or do one interview a day and then come home and sleep or play on the computer. Someone please talk to me, tell me what i'm doing wrong, what i need to do differently and I wrong about everything. I don't know what to do.
 
  • Current Mood
    lonely lonely

Helpp;ish gackt.

I'm new to "relationships" normally I go for flings. becuase I hate the attachments and all the bad hurting crap.
Theirs a guy that has come into my life. That I would figure to be something new to me other than a fling. But yet with all the crap,
it has become complicated. I told him how I felt, it seemed to me he didn't feel that way at first, to be honest thats fine by me. No
big deal. It became akward and both of us avoided each other until I got the courage to just go talk to him, then it went back to us being
the best of friends again. A party arose and he could not keep his eyes off of me. I was told the possibilities that he may be re-thinking the whole ordeal, or he likes me. The whole thing is just confusing me. It's been a little bit since i've told him, and i've tried to move on. Obviously still having a bit of feelings still for him. But just trying to concentrate on another person which, can be good/or bad. But he now is akward again which seems to me, and I dont know what to do or what to say to him, or just get back to normal and leave it be and move on so help me becuase i'm new to this whole complicatedness. erk = [ 


-Confused = [ 
  • Current Music
    California-Phantom Planet =]
my yellow brick road

Girl killed...help us find the man responsible

http://www.lindsayannhawker.com/

Lindsay Ann Hawker was a care-free 22-year-old following her dream of teaching English in Japan when she was brutally murdered.

Lindsay was last seen on the 25th of March with 28-year-old Tatsuya Ichihashi and her body was discovered on the balcony of his flat in Tokyo. He remains the Japanese Police's only suspect and is on the run.

Click link above to view the article and see a picture of the man who killed her. Think about it people....this could one day be your girlfriend....sister....friend...daughter....please help find this man. And girls WHENEVER a suspicious man is around don't ever doubt your instinct!!!! Call the cops...even if you feel your over reacting and being stupid...it could save your life!! Please send re-send this link to people...livejournal is a huge connection for people and it could be what helps find the man. If you ever wanted to make a difference in life do this small thing for her and it will make a difference....Know one deserves death like this!
so alone

"sigh" numbness again

I'm not angry or really sad just...numb...i'm used to being disliked for no real reason at all. I'm used to being talked about and regarded as nothing by people...and i'm used to my boyfriend's parents doing it to me too. I've been in this boat before...with the over bearing, overly religious parents...to them i am this disgusting thing,...this evil person trying to steal their precious son away. Doesn't matter that they've never bothered to try to get to know me, except when they "without" my permission looked me up online and now i have to have everything on private. It doesn't matter that they don't even say hello to me when i enter the house with him, they just talk to him and ignore the fact i'm even there. His mother is polite to me, but it's fake kindness i know...and his fathers just ignores me tries not to act like i'm there. It doesn't even matter because no matter what i do or what i say or how i act...i am the enemy to them. So i give up, i sit in silence and take the mental abuse...why not you know...i'm so damn used to it. He tries to comfort me...because i wont speak only cry...but his mother is waiting for him to come home so that way they can have a "discussion" Even though they just spent the last 2 1'2 hours on the phone arguing about it at my house. His father calls him up here insulting me and him because...frankly it's because i'm bisexual. Thats really why they hate me...and when he found out that he had herpes the first thing they did was point their ugly finger at me...even though i don't have it. I've been checked out before i met him and again after we found out he had it. And i don't have herpes. But i'm sure they still believe that this slut of a girlfriend who clearly isn't one with god is the one that gave their precious son this. As long as ross is still a wonderful sweet guy...who i've been falling in love with and treats me with respect and honesty. Than i can deal with his parents being the way they are with me. It hurts though...to know that no matter what i'll always be this..tainted thing in his life to them. It doesn't matter that i'm a good kind person who helps others, it doesn't matter that i try to always think of others feelings before my own. Nothing like that matters, because i don't believe in karma....because i've spent my whole life thinking before i speak so i don't hurt others feelings, and watching what i do and making sure i do whats right and nothing i do will "on purpose" hurt others. And knowone ever does that for me i've noticed... Of coarse i've hurt people but if i could avoid it i always did...i don't gossip and i try to always think of the good part of people even when i clearly can see they don't have their head on their shoulders. And when i told them i work with autistic children in a special needs school and plan to become a teacher,...they just nodded their head and didn't care...I mean it's like nothing i say matters at all...like who i am doesn't even matter. I've spent my own life trying to hard to please others and i would get hurt so that others didn't have too, but i stopped being that hard on myself because it was just self destructive but i don't feel like i deserve this type of treatment from them...i don't feel it's okay to treat anyone that way! "sigh" i can't even speak up about it because the last relationship i was in with this situation...as soon as i spoke up...suddenly i "was" the bad girlfriend and the parents were right. So this time i just keep my mouth shut and all i can do is cry when it gets really bad.
  • Current Mood
    crushed nothing ever changes.

help!

I need advice. I am about to change my cell phone number and never call my boyfriend of only 4months, again. i1030ts really complicated, but please try to help. I met him at a loud dance club and purposely bumped into him. we danced and had lots of fun, but i noticed he looked alittle foreign. he said he was from Jordan(a part of arabia) i just thought he was so cute. We exchanged numbers but i wasnt planning on answering, his accent was really bad.
At the same time, I was trying to get over my boyfriend of 5years. He had not only cheated on me in the past, but i also was pregnant and miscarried. He is verbally abusive, my family hates him, and i couldnt move in with him because of that. I just wanted to move on.
So 'Mo'(this guy im breaking up with)kept calling and i wouldnt answer(he left a message and sounded so bad). well i finally answered and we got together that following weekend. the remaining month consisted of him picking me up around midnight because he works till 1030pm.and drinking in the car! then ending by coming up to my apartment. this was ok w me because in a way it was fun.
well as time goes by, i get to know his situation.he is 23, im 25(not a big difference, but i dont know) he lives at home with his biological father and stepmother(who is mexican..i couldnt believe that because they are muslim and seem very strict dating and other religions. his father controls him! He would tell me he was coming over and then call and say he couldnt. this happened several times. although he is very goodlooking and very sweet, the entire time i m thinking this is a waste of time and i ll get hurt. We never went out on a "real date" because of his work. he works everyday at the dads shop. 12-10pm! in the meantime, i had to get on birthcontrol because i dont think he was sexually experienced and i was afraid i could get pregnant.
anyways the entire time, im still talking to my ex and seeing him sometimes i felt guilty but it was a 5year relationship and he has his own house. i know what people think but i was at the same time exhausted w mo who i just constantly ran around with, never just really relaxed sat down. by the way, his father would constantly be calling his cell phone when he was with me. he would have to lie and say he was at the 24hr gym. incredible.
He never told his father about us. so. then friday he gets introuble again because we all went out to a bar (he his cousin me and his cousins gf) then later got a hotel and stayed. he must of gotten in so much trouble that the father decides to tell him he needs to get married (arranged) and they set it up, have him meet girls etc.
he tells me he said no not right now. but hands over the phone to this man he calls his "uncle" who is from their country but is friends w the father.
this is the part that really really hurt me because i knew it was over. his uncle says look im sorry this is happening but i was talking to his father and hes been getting into trouble so much staying out etc etc so he is going to have to get married.
i talked to mo and he was still denying it. well ive really had it.
so im going to change my number, he had said last night that hed think things over and then call me today but i want for when he tries to call for the number to be unavailable and leave it a mystery what do you think??help me!!