Register Monkey (registermonkey) wrote in _against,
Register Monkey

Dear Wool Hat Man Who Reeks Of Gin And Febreeze

When entering my convenience store, please note:

The fact that you have thirty cents in your pocket does not mean you will be treated as a "valued customer." The fact that you have only thirty cents in your pocket means you will be treated like "a stupid crapsack geegaw moron who only got thirty cents."

If you waste more than one minute hemmming and hawing around, trying to decide how you want to spend your little fortune, I will kick your ass out. I have more important things to do than dealing with you. Things like reading the newspaper. And writing this rant. And staring off into space while gently scratching myself.

I hate you.

The fact that you look (and smell) homeless will not win you any sympathy from me. I'm not running a homeless shelter.

No, we don't take food stamps.

No, we don't sell food. We sell sugary crap and salty crap. If you're so poor that you're on welfare, you don't need to be wasting money on King Size Super Chocolate Reese's Cups. (Particularly not at the exorbitant prices this store charges for such confectioneries.) You don't need candy bars--you being poor is bad enough--you being poor AND obese just makes me hate you.

What? No, you can't "bum a smoke" off me. You're poor AND obese AND you smoke? Brilliant. So when you've given yourself cancer and diabetes, the taxpayers can foot the bill for that.

Did I mention I hate you?
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