awesome

(no subject)

So no one has posted in here in forever...  Just wondering how everyone was doing?  Anyone still out there?  I find myself wanting addies so bad that I'm thinking about eating meth.  I know this is a terrible idea but with the drought that seems to exist in the US right now it might be necessary. 

Just thought I would see who was out there.

Peace

(no subject)

now, i'm on a prescription for adderall, because i have adhd. but for a long while now i've been taking more adderall besides my prescription. i just need more and more. but i'm running out of ways to get it and i don't know what to do.
Stretch

Now what?

So, I've got the pills, been on XR 20mg for about 4 months now. Things are going well. But what happens when school ends? I've tried to get by on days I wasn't working with only half my usualy dose, but all I want to do is sleep. When it comes time to get off this drug, how do I do it?
Stretch

I'm back!

Got new NP who's scripted 10mg 2x a day, so it's the dose I was using before. It's a legit script, she wrote it because she agrees that I likely have ADD. So anybody got a pharmacy they like to go to with good prices? My insurance won't cover them so I always pay cash.

Seems prices have gone up a little. I used to get a month supply for $23 at CVS, now they want $65.

So anyways, looking forward to living the dream!

The Last Day Part II (Maybe this is a good thing...)


So, I am really not so sure how this whole thing works.  I have figured out how I can read the entries from other areas, but I am not sure if what I am writing appears anywhere... oh, well... I think my grandmother's birthday is today... I am not sure... I do know that I am probably going to take all three of the last Adderall XR today. Not the best idea at all, and I promised myself that I wouldn't.  I just know that I can't take the crap if I am not going to be focusing on something or learning. I cannot believe I will be going so long without this stuff.  My big issue coming off of it last month was the fatigue and general loss of concentration.  I really just didn't feel like concentrating on a damn thing, and used the lack of medication as an excuse to not do anything productive or responsible.  I can't do that this time.  People get things done all of the time without medication.  It isn't a neccessity in live.  I took the first pill @ 8am, and I am going to take 3/4 of one now.  I am so screwed, I believe.  I just can't stand this feeling of "wanting more".  I know that I will essentially "want more" for the next 22 days, but I think it is a far better feeling than this one.  My chest hurts from just one pill. I think it is just a build-up of Norepinephrine from stressing about the RX, coming off of my anti-depressant, and writing about this.  I need to learn to think about something else when this feeling comes up.  If I could do that, I wouldn't be jonesing for another pill constantly.  It isn't like I am going to get that initial "rush" again after the first one kicks in.  That is why they say that the Extended release is less addictive than the immediate release.  Also, I have been on the 20mg for over 3 years.  It isn't like the strength doesn't wear off after a while.  It is just like anything else you take for a long time.  It tends to stop working as well.  Hopefully this little 'vacation'(long hell is more like it... hee hee...) will help with my tolerance.  Last month it was a little over 14 days that I went without taking any Adderall, and by the 14th day I was feeling pretty close to normal... I just know that I have that interview for school on the 11th...that is going to suck.  I also have to get everything sent out for the school...also, I need to print out everything for my bankrupcy before it is too late.  man, I am so friggin' stressed out.  It is just all caving in on me... my grandma loves to add to it.  She comes over here to let me know that she spoke to my ex and let him know that I now have a boyfriend.  In other words, she stirred up some stuff and made it sound like I had a boyfriend on the side when we broke up.  It just isn't helping matters that she is trying to pull me into her drama.  I can't help that she is bored.  I DON'T NEED ANY MORE STRESS!!!!!!!! she is driving me nuts.  I know that I am responsible for this mess, but the originial reason I started taking more adderall than I was supposed to was to deal with her when I got home.  It is going to be a long 22 days.  I just definitely need to get some skills together for other things to think about when the "down" feeling starts... I am switching to ink now

  • Current Mood
    anxious anxious
Stretch

My doctor sucks

Seeing a new Psychiatrist and he's trying me on Strattera. It's crap. He says he's concerned about addiction potential, but I think he's just after kickbacks. I dunno about being an addict, I only had a 3 month supply of 10mg in the past. What I do know is that shit worked really well for me, and I got a B+ in Alebra, and I don't think that's ever happened.

I just really want the real stuff. :(

I'm in Phoenix if you know where I can get the hookup.

OCPD?

Hey everyone, I know this is a little off topic but as a fellow addy addict I am begging for help.

I am 19 years old and have dyslexia and ADD. I have been a perfectionist my entire life (my mother is also a perfectionist) and this past spring I was diagnosed with PTSD, general anxiety and severe depression. Currently addeall is all that is getting me through my days. If I don't take it I literally don't get out of bed. I noticed my perfectionism getting worse and worse and my desire to control every situation grew. My therapist said that I was displaying OCD like tendencies as coping mechanisms for my other issues. However the more I read about Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, the more it seems like me. I literally exhibit every single symptom on the list to some extent with the exception of hoarding.

* Excessive devotion to work
I work 80 or more hours a week and would work more if I could. I know that one reason I do this is in order to distract myself from my problems but since I was a workaholic before all of my symptoms started I think it still applies.

* Inflexibility
Even as a kid I hated it when plans changed. My mom often talks about taking me to preschool and how I loved it when she picked me up- but only if I had prior warning. If she showed up to surprise me I would become hysterical because that was NOT the plan.

* Inability to throw things away, even when the objects have no value
Not so much, I do often keep things that I think might be useful later such as old class notes and stuff but eventually I throw them away.

* Lack of generosity
I am really not good at sharing.

* Limited expression of affection
I have never let anyone get too close. It scares the shit out of me when people do, especially guys.

* Perfectionism
yes.

* Preoccupation with details, rules, and lists
People constantly tease me about my need to make lists. I actually have lists of lists that I need to make. I keep my to-do list on my blackberry and also a written copy in my agenda. I recently became the manager of a small water park and I cannot go anywhere without my binder, even though I rarely actually need it. I will spend and hour re-formatting a document or spreadsheet that someone sends me before I print it... I could go on and on.

* Reluctance to allow others to do things
This has especially become a HUGE problem with my job. Not only am I stressing myself out trying to do everything myself but I am insulting those around me who are fully capable of performing tasks that I refuse to share.

Basically I was wondering if any of you have information about this condition or have any experience with it?

"withdrawal"

 Ok... so I have been on any and all stimulants under the sun for the past 6 years... my life the past 2-3 have really been a blur...always hopped up on something or another. 


dr's continuously telling me... Oh you need it. Just pop one when you wake up... you know what I mean...

So I am 24.. it took me 4 years to get my associates degree. and here I sit... I feel hollow... nothing to me anymore.. And I know its all these meds. I want off! I tried to do that earlier this year.. and ended up in worst shape then beginning... They say it was "fibromyalgia "...chronic fatique.. All i know is that was absolute hell! 

And it seems to be getting better slowly... its just getting past this point where I have no goals... I can barely get out of bed half the time..emotional rollercoaster. and no where to turn..... Any ideas? Anyone been through this? I just dont know what to do at this point.....