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Can you hear me through the static?

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(1 confession | Tell me your secrets... )

[29 Sep 2005|01:46pm]


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(Tell me your secrets... )

I dream [17 Sep 2005|09:47pm]

[ mood | depressed ]

I dream of being happy,
I dream of someone to love me,
I dream to love,
I dream to understand,
I dream to find meaning,
I dream to find peace with myself and everything of the world,
I dream to someday have someone some day completely understand me,
I dream to find someone a friend, a lover, and aqquantince thats like me.
I dream of everyone in the world for one day to be happy,
I dream of anyone who may read this and smile,
Because everyone in this world is worthwhile.

(6 confessions | Tell me your secrets... )

[07 Aug 2005|11:16am]

[ mood | contemplative ]

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(Tell me your secrets... )

[03 Aug 2005|01:22pm]

i dream.

i dream of llamas and sitcoms, being ugly and being beautiful. i dream of marrying a man just like my father. i dream of starring in a movie that is totally original. i dream of finally finishing my novel and having it be exactly the way i always wanted it, the way i always pictured it.

i dream.

and then i recognize reality.

(2 confessions | Tell me your secrets... )

[31 Jul 2005|02:55pm]

My DreamCollapse )

(1 confession | Tell me your secrets... )

[28 Jul 2005|02:20pm]
My DreamCollapse )

(Tell me your secrets... )

[28 Jul 2005|12:59pm]

I dream of dancing professionally.
Of touring the country, dancing on a different stage every week.

(Tell me your secrets... )

[28 Jul 2005|01:17am]

i dream of being whole
i dream of finding where i belong
i dream of finding someone
i dream of fantasy
i dream of home
i dream of dieing
i dream of happyness
i dream of a certain orange feline
i dream...
i dream of...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(Tell me your secrets... )

[27 Jul 2005|10:45pm]

Dreams of Flight
flying up a mountain
when the rocks are warm
and moist with the perspiration
of a million years spent growing
then I am young, then newborn
then far older than the stones
and I wonder if the arms of the earth ache
from pulling ever upwards
fighting gravity in a constant struggle
just to give me mountains to climb
so I can fight gravity too
and fly for a time

(1 confession | Tell me your secrets... )

[27 Jul 2005|07:26pm]

[ mood | accomplished ]

I think I'm going to try something new. A little bit of an experiment, if you will. So have fun and go with me on this and we'll see if it works or not.

I'm going to post a new topic each week [hopefully], and your post can follow that. Of course you can post whatever you want if you don't want to follow the theme. Its just something that could be used as an intellectual stimulant.

If you think this is a useless experiment, please let me know.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

What is your dream?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The response can be in any way you want; a poem, an image, a rant, an obscure short story. Just run with it. [and I will post my response soon, so don't worry!]

- Miss Abby

(2 confessions | Tell me your secrets... )

[24 Jul 2005|11:39am]


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(1 confession | Tell me your secrets... )

[22 Jul 2005|10:36pm]

[ mood | contemplative ]

i fugured out why i'm not terribly social,
i assume that most people suck, so why bother...
but, if i don't go out and socialize how can i weed out the nice people?

(1 confession | Tell me your secrets... )

[13 Jul 2005|04:06am]
I Shed Tears
Not for a lost cause
Not for a broken heart
As the morning light
Not for dying hope
Not for fading glory
Began to shine
Not for lost family
Not for lost friends
I saw I don't belong
For evil inside me
I shed tears
One last time...

(2 confessions | Tell me your secrets... )

i hope it's okay that i'm posting something i didn't write. [07 Jul 2005|11:22pm]

[ mood | tired ]

rust and stardust

Wanted, wanted: Dolores Haze.
Hair: brown. Lips: scarlet.
Age: five thousand three hundred days.
Profession: none, or 'starlet.'

Where are you hiding, Dolores Haze?
Why are you hiding, darling?
(I talk in a daze, I walk in a maze,
I cannot get out, said the starling.)

Where are you riding, Dolores Haze?
What make is the magic carpet?
Is a Cream Cougar the present craze?
And where are you parked, my car pet?

Who is your hero, Dolores Haze?
Still one of those blue-caped star-men?
Oh the balmy days and the palmy bays,
And the cars, and the bars, my Carmen!

Oh Dolores, that juke-box hurts!
Are you still dancin', darlin'?
(Both in worn levis, both in torn T-shirts,
And I, in my corner, snarlin'.)

Happy, happy is gnarled McFate
Touring the States with a child wife,
Plowing his Molly in every State
Among the protected wild life.

My Dolly, my folly! Her eyes were vair,
And never closed when I kissed her.
Know an old perfume called Soleil Vert?
Are you from Paris, mister?

Dying, dying, Lolita Haze,
Of hate and remorse, I'm dying.
And again my hairy fist I raise,
And again I hear you crying.

Officer, officer, there they go -
In the rain, where that lighted store is!
And her socks are white, and I love her so,
And her name is Haze, Dolores.

Officer, officer, there they are -
Dolores Haze and her lover!
Whip out your gun and follow that car.
Now tumble out, and take cover.

Wanted, wanted: Dolores Haze.
Her dream-gray gaze never flinches.
Ninety pounds is all she weighs
With a height of sixty inches.

My car is limping, Dolores Haze,
And the last long lap is the hardest,
And I shall be dumped where the weed decays,
And the rest is rust and stardust.

- vladimir nabakov, Lolita

(1 confession | Tell me your secrets... )

[02 Jul 2005|09:02am]

[ mood | amused ]

So I took it upon myself to investigate that puzzling community that was left in the last post. In order to do such a thing, I decided it would be entertaining to join the community and create a fake app to see what all the fuss was about. Come to find out is was nothing more than another pathetic livejournal rating community, where the only way to be "accepted" was by how many holes were in your head, and how much makeup was on your face. Not too mention the little parasites called me boring. Hah, Miss Abby boring? Oh please. Their superficial exploits of what is to be considered beautiful and original are sickening, and its quite funny that people need to have their egos brought up by a sort of phony beauty.

What is beauty anyways?

- Miss Abby

(3 confessions | Tell me your secrets... )

[01 Jul 2005|08:16pm]


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(1 confession | Tell me your secrets... )

[29 Jun 2005|07:45pm]


(Tell me your secrets... )

[24 Jun 2005|12:10am]

Coolness beyond the grip of reality
Standing so far back you can't ever touch me
A little porcelin figurine
that's never been touched
never been played with
wearing the same old tired
alibi that was given
the night you did not come home
the night you started walking
and never looked back
you ran so far away
when you stopped
you slammed back into yourself
cannot escape the voices in your head
cannot run faster then the speed of thought
cannot ever get away from me, little girl
So cool, so poised
untouchable, unattainable, unassailable
but I know your secrets, little girl
I know what you dream at night
I know why you don't talk to any one
I know why the grim reaper
is on your dance card
you want to tango with him
do a little cha-cha
a little rhumba
end it with a sweet little waltz
fade away into the nothing
in his eyes
you fight so hard to make it right
you try so hard to hide yourself
What you forget will
make you remember
you had dreams once, little girl
you wanted everything
you thought you could make it
as only you
you thought that you were good enough
as only you
and you learned so well, little girl
you learned their lessons,
you know how to be cool,
you know how to be uninvovled,
twice removed from everything
so clean, so pure, so icy clear,
you learned the right things to say
you learned how to dress
you learned how not to feel
you escaped yourself
left her standing confused in the rain
I know you, little girl
I know you still cry at night,
I know you want her back
your dreams are sitting dusty in the attic
a little spit, a little polish
they'll never know you left
get dirty little girl
get wicked
get your hands deep into the cookie jar
scrub your skin until it bleeds
rub the lies from your eyes
you can fuck the world
or you can sleep with death
your choice
your life
but I know you little girl
the scars on your wrist
were never deep enough
the pills in the bottle
were never enough
fuck the world little girl
take it into your womb
let her grow again, little girl
she was never quite as bad
as you believed,
never as stupid
never as ugly
never as sad
break away, toss it down
leave all the posing to the
mannequins who don't have to love
take her back, embrace her
little girl, apart you are dying
together you can live

(Tell me your secrets... )

[21 Jun 2005|01:04am]

[ mood | angry ]

Never Trust

Trust that I won't help you,
Know my weakness is my strength,
My eyes lie when I tell the truth,
I just can't seem to change,

Add this to my collection,
You would be afraid of me,
If you knew my intentions

(2 confessions | Tell me your secrets... )

[18 Jun 2005|11:47pm]

"i need to be talked to,
i need to be touched,
i need you to hold me,
i need to feel love"

(2 confessions | Tell me your secrets... )

[02 Jun 2005|04:42am]

[ mood | blank ]

luscious lipped ghoul of night, it's so bloody incoherent. what's the last thing you see just before you die, and is it the first thing you see when you are born, and is it that little tiny thing you see everytime the worst/best thing in your life happens to you. and is it so important you've gotta spend your entire lifetime chasing it down like it's not gonna stay, like it's gonna move around, like if you devote your whole life to finding it, lo and behold there it is. yeah, so it's the ultimate, delusional search, even worse then pretending you control your life. so you spend your life searching for it, you die, and there it is. you spend your whole life living and not searching, and there it is. oh my god, ouch, the pain, the irony. how fucking sad for you, I mean just how fucking sad. weep not bitter soul, it's just the end of your life. I've come to disdain it when you say I am not who I am. who are you, to tell me I cannot be who I am, and who am I to listen so fucking hard to you. it's all over again, little tiny patterns, you have to be strong enough to break out of them, yet first weak enough to see them. when you hit the lowest you can go at the moment, that's the most beautiful time of your life, cause no matter what, it's gonna get better.it is not the opposite to say that when you hit the highest, it is the ugliest time of your life. then you just sit back, put your feet on the proverbial coffee table, smoke your proverbial cigar, and just fucking kick back, the poets know this truth. when it's bad, it's shitty, and you write poetry they all fucking love and revere and identify with, and everyone loves you behind your back. and when you are riding high, the whiskey bottle is full, the poem sold, the flesh beside you is warm eager and willing to go, and you don't write a goddamned thing. you don't think of anything, you just kick back, and they all hate you to your face. god I love life. I'm just not partial to people, and pretenses and lies, and manipulations, and plain old fashioned I don't give a damn.

I think I'm gonna go be a poet, and a willing body.

and I'm not gonna search for the end. I'll write about that when it gets here. or hell, maybe it will be a happy moment in my life, maybe I won't write, maybe I'll go out with them all hating me.

sounds good to me.

(3 confessions | Tell me your secrets... )

The cows are dead. [30 May 2005|03:34pm]


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(Tell me your secrets... )


.........did i really?
i hate it when i think about this........
makes my stomach feel like shit.......

(1 confession | Tell me your secrets... )

[24 May 2005|12:41am]

"i sacrifice three years of my life and you fall in love with him in three days..."
~house of flying daggers

(Tell me your secrets... )

[14 May 2005|09:35pm]

[ mood | quixotic ]

been fairly productive lately.

[untitled 1]
when did i fall in love with you?
was it your eyes?
did they call to me softly,
telling me to trust?
was it your hand?
rough callouses caressing,
asking me to touch them again?
it was your smell
that's right.
your small.

[untitled 2]
does he love me?
does he love me?
if he doesn't...
his eyes lied to me the entire time
they spoke of love
were they lying?

i love him.

the rise of bile in my throat
your touch drives me insane
is there something i can say to make you scream?
this isn't hatred
no, it's love
love - i'm feeling in pain.
where do i go from here?
whose path do i follow
my own has turned against me of late
the signposts feel rotton and hollow
touch me again
i want to feel the pain
the burst of rage in my numbing brain
touch me again
again and
again and
you are my drug
my desperation
my antidote
my rehabilitation
say it again
tell me you love me
or let me walk away

[sensory imagination]
you touch me
and every sense explodes
fire, color, light.
i see it all in a blur
you touch me
and my world falls apart

(Tell me your secrets... )

[04 May 2005|02:39pm]

[ mood | anxious ]

The Downfall and Demise

The psychology of strict submission,
Equipped with brutal legislation.
Passionate adaptations that fill the void.
You are,
Not paranoid.

Combined with severe quarantined Neighbors,
an only wall not lines to set the borders.
Ethnic scapegoats with germs are on the rise,
with nuclear arms ready in large size.

Beaten back with black hearts in our red throats,
which candidate receives half the free votes?
And now lets fall again through this loophole.
You are
Not in control.

(2 confessions | Tell me your secrets... )

nouvelle [29 Apr 2005|11:31pm]

[ mood | worried ]

Well, I was in here before as woodland, but now I'm schwanensee. As a re-introduction, here's about half an hour of stream-of-consciousness. Enjoy. Or run away in terror.

pretending to be james joyceCollapse )

(7 confessions | Tell me your secrets... )

so..? [29 Apr 2005|02:12pm]

are you censoring now?

(3 confessions | Tell me your secrets... )

[28 Apr 2005|02:54am]

just once in my life i want to feel like i have truely connected with someone,
to feel like they understand me,
to see what i see, feel what i feel.
i want to share what i have with someone,
both in body and in mind

(1 confession | Tell me your secrets... )

[26 Apr 2005|01:07pm]

so many fish in the sea, and me without any bait... *sigh*...i love my life...

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