I guess I haven't been really happy in a while. Happiness used to take so much more, now I'm just groping at every opportunity for a smile. Sometimes when I see people who are happy, I get mad. I told Mary that sometimes I'm happy for other people's greater good, but then I completely hate them for it in the same breath. And I said I wouldn't hate them if their greater good, their happiness, didn't used to be mine.
What am I telling you this for, you ask? Haha, no fucking idea.
I guess I was pretty happy at my brother's 18th birthday party, but I was a million different kinds of not sober at all, so I don't know if it counts.
But the next day, the power went out and we lit a lot of candles. I don't know why I like it so much when the power goes out, but it turned out to be a really good day and all. And nobody argued, I think the placidity of it all was just a good contrast against the hustle of the everyday streets. I went outside in the hurricane and then lied on the floor reading until it got dark. I actually think the only thing I said all day was when we all sat at the table and I said, "I really love it when the power goes out, I think we all look like brand new people in the candlelight."