Tags: x-men

your point?

X-Men Recap 2

I meant to post this yesterday, but I forgot that I was home, where the Internet cuts off at 9 o'clock. And now for something completely different: It was Quentin! With a strap-on!

Points to whoever knows what I'm talking about. No, it's not a kinky version of Clue--no, wait. Actually, it is.

Anyway, the recap:

“What are you looking for, Airrrric?” Patrick Stewart asks Wolverine’s x-rays. Chaaahles is bothered by Wolverine’s lack of extraordinary powers. After all, what’s so special about extendable brass knuckles? Cyclops and Chaaahles banter. The door opens and Wolverine and Storm rush in. Okay, are Storm, Cyclops, and Dr. Jean Grey the entirety of Chaaahles’s fabulous X-Men? And while we’re on it, the Brotherhood of Mutants really just consists of Toad, Sabertooth, Mystique, and Magneto, doesn’t it? Some secret organization these are. Wolverine demands to know where “she” is. Cyclops doesn’t know who he means, but Chaahles immediately declares, “Rogue.” A moment later, “She’s gone.” Psychics are useful to have around.Collapse )
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your point?

X-Men Recap 1

“Mutation,” the unmistakable Patrick Stewart enunciates over a blank screen. “It is the key to our evolution,” he continues as little sparkly things appear and start swimming around. Patrick Stewart blabs about single-celled organisms, mutation, blah blah evolutioncakes, and says it takes “thousands and thousands of years.” Yeah, give or take a few million years. I hope the fairy-dust fiber optics are not meant to represent single-celled organisms. Stewart claims that every so often, evolution “leaps forward.” A quantum leap! The sparklies collide, and the credits roll as we travel down a transparent spinal column into a stringy mess of what I hope is not supposed to represent the very DNA of the X-men themselves.

Mud. Muddiness. People walking in mud. The titles inform us that it’s “POLAND 1944.” Thanks, but I got that from the Nazis and the concentration camp prisoners. Gave it away, you might say. Collapse )
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