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Back to Part 2!



Jane's bedroom. Jane lounges on the bed wearing a frilly nonsexy nightcap and a nonsexy nightgown, while Bets has let her hair down and is sporting a sexy, if probably wrong period, corset. I mean, the sort of dresses Elizabeth wears in this movie have high waists and décolletage(s?), so there's really no need for her to wear a waist-reducing corset at all. Long corsets were to promote good posture. I can't tell from the video if Bets is squeezing her in the middle or not.

Anyway, Jane gushing "Such ease ... such manners ... such perfect breeding!" I don't think that the Jaw is capable of breeding, what with his robot heritage. Oh, she's talking about Angry Sean Austin. The way he got her punch! The dances he danced some of the time with her! The angry words he angrily spat at the Jaw! Such perfect party-going!

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Back to Part 1

Dude (it's Bingley, but you don't get a super-good look at him) goes trotting down the highway to visit the Bennets. The Bennet girls, all of them, crowd to the window to get a peak at him. Lydia sneers that he would only be somebody if he were an officer. Jane shoos them away. Only she and Bets can oogle the new-comer! Beauty before age!



They watch through an upper window as he gets off his horse and walks indoors. He's wearing a blue coat. "I like him. He appears intelligent and serious!" Jane says, managing to (a) use two words that I would never use to describe Bingley and (b) decide this from the way he gets off his horse. "Looks are not everything!" she babbles on. "Character is more. And accomplishment, of course." It sounds like she's trying to talk herself into marrying a plain, yet rich man. Did somebody switch Jane and Charlotte's brains?

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Pride and Prejudice (1980)

I've wanted to write this for a while, but - nobody has seen this version! It's rather hard to find in a video store, for reasons that I'm sure have nothing to do with its quality. Then I found out it's on Youtube. In annoyingly short segments, of course, but bear with me. I thought, as an experiment, I would cover one segment at a time. Tell me what you think!

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Okay, you know the DVD menu? I keep opening it to the "Bonus Features" so I can hear the bone-chillingly good music there. The music on the main menu and scene selections drives me up the fucking wall, however. And in other news, I've actually purchased a copy of this movie. I don't know if I'll ever receive it, because my post office doesn't know that I'm back in Memphis for the summer and is still forwarding my mail to my home town, so who knows? But why pay for a Netflix subscription, which is pretty expensive, if all I do is keep the same movie month after month? It was only eleven bucks, too. Anyhoodle.

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Current Location:
Opposite Planet
My Mood:
chipper only smiling
My Music:
ADR
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The next morning, Mrs. Bennet mixes up a home-remedy for hangover, and pleads with Mary to stop practicing. Everyone looks a little hung over, actually. Mr. Collins sneaks down the stairs, and clears his throat. Mary's the only one who notices, because she likes Collins and actually values him as a human being. Mr. Collins steps closer to Mrs. Bennet, and asks if he can speak to Keira sometime in the morning. Keira is terrified, but her mother orders the family out of the room. Now their breakfast is ruined. Great.Read more...Collapse )

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Current Location:
Her parlor
My Mood:
irate Emo. Duh.
My Music:
The ambience ha ha!
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Pride and Prejudice.

Disclosure: I think Keira Knightley is a pointy-toothed, flat-chested, scary-necked, slump-shouldered, stick-skinny, personality-free talentless annoyance, which would be just fine if she chose roles that required her to wear trousers, yell a lot, mangle her irritating English accent, and scare a generation of virgin boys into heterosexuality, as she did in Bend it like Beckham, but instead her publicity agent has steered her into her gazillionth role wherein she's generally irresistible; and here, she is playing the spunky heroine in love with whom we are supposed to fall. Well, if you've read this far without scrolling down to the bottom to leave an angry comment, then you'll get through the recap. I don't think my preconceptions about the actors make me unobjective about their performances. I loved Matthew Macfadyen before I saw this movie, yet that didn't stop me from noting that he dialed down his usual low energy approach to acting until he hit "comatose." However, my observations are colored by the fact that I'd love Keira Knightley to disappear, and that needs to be said.

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Current Location:
Sad Suite of Sickness, Second Part
My Mood:
sick artistically sick
My Music:
Aural perfection
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Everybody gets rejected in this part. There are, count 'em, four rejected marriage proposals, one turned-down bribe, one turned-down date, one dumped girlfriend, one rejected book offer, and one cold glass of ice water thrown into one undeserving face. I think that's some kind of record. The boys of Utah will have to invent new ways to get dumped.

Read more...Collapse )This second part covers the second thirty minutes of the movie, which, in total, is 100 minutes long.
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My Mood:
high ancient Native-American bear
My Music:
Bling Bling Daddy Daddy Bling Bling
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This version of "Pride and Prejudice" has (almost) it all--snarky Brits, a sweet Bingley and Jane, a wonderfully bitchy Miss Bingley, a wonderfully wonderful Mr. Collins, a cool soundtrack, and nice shoes. What it doesn't have is a likeable Elizabeth, decent direction, or any kind of believable development for Darcy.

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This part covers the first thirty minutes of the movie, which, in total, is 140 minutes long.

ETA: D'oh! It's one hour and forty minutes long, or 100 minutes. Normal runtime for a comedy.
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My Mood:
aggravated keeping the Kierkegaard
My Music:
My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean
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Now, the last episode I’m not a big fan of, mostly because of the ending. It ends after we discover that Lydia and Wickham are marrying, and after we already know that Darcy has saved Lydia’s ungrateful behind. So we know he still loves Elizabeth. And we know Elizabeth loves him. Where’s the suspense?

Longbourn. Mrs Bennet is very pleased that Lydia will be married. So pleased she’s forgotten how displeased she was just a few minutes ago. She doesn’t like the idea of Lydia being married in “Cheapside,” and oh, for heaven’s sake. Elizabeth declares it impossible, adding, “You must see that.” “I do not see that!” Mrs Bennet exclaims. “Why should I see that? Why should that be?” And you can get that on a t-shirt! Elizabeth explains the pre-marital sex would be a barrier. Mrs Bennet concedes, and continues to complain about Mr Gardiner, etc. The girls try to make her see that Mr Gardiner probably had to pay Wickham a lot of money, but she remains obtuse. Remember what I said about most Jane Austen characters not learning from their mistakes?

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My Mood:
annoyed Universally contradicted.
My Music:
as the French have it, au revoir!
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PRIDE AND PREJUDICE RECAP 5.

We open on the Face Rock. This would be the same rock that Elizabeth was climbing earlier. I’m not two sentences into this recap and I have to link. Grr.

On a tiny but toothsome set meant to represent Lambton, Elizabeth returns from yet another walk. Sigh. Hannah calls to her from an upper window, explaining that some people have dropped by; when Elizabeth looks bothered, she adds, “One of the gentlemen is Mr Darcy.” Elizabeth brightens. I wonder if Hannah knows about Darcy’s torrid love affair? She could’ve gotten it from her youngest brother, the Pemberley undergardener. Maybe the servants chase away the doldrums by repeating the wild escapades of their masters to each other. Or maybe not. Maybe Hannah is caught between the charms of a poor, disreputable, but dashing shepherd, and a more respectable but absolutely evil shopkeeper, and has no time for triviality.Read more...Collapse )
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My Mood:
worried Doomed. Doomed, I tell you!
My Music:
some serious technical rubato
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