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You have no chance to survive make your recaps

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Okay, one quick thing before I finish the Les Mis recap. It's been a wonderful and a horrible year for me, but recapping has always been a bright spot. Except for when I had to recap the new Pride and Prejudice. But though recapping it was a chore, discussing it with you guys was a blast. I know that my tastes are pretty eclectic, but I aim to please, so this poll is aimed at those who only read this for
the Pride and Prejudice stuff:Collapse )

Now, on to the recap!Collapse )
Current Location:
the boinking bench!
My Mood:
hot h-h-h-h-hot!
My Music:
Marius speechifying
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sporkgoddess's comments and finals week has inspired me to finish this recap. God-awful movies make me happy!

So, Uma Thurman has just fainted. "Wooter! Wooter!" JV snaps. Faster, dammit, or she'll dry to death!

JV's humble hut. Fantine is sleeping on the couch, and the doctor is audibly pessimistic. "I DOUBT SHE'LL SURVIVE. BETTER SUMMON HER DAUGHTER SO SHE DOESN'T LOSE THE WILL TO LIVE. OOPS, I HOPE SHE DIDN'T HEAR ME GOODNIGHT." The doctor prescribes TLC and a butload of nurses. Amazingly, there are no nurses in town willing to get up in the middle of the night to care for a sick person. Yes, I know, it's hard to believe how awesome their union is. JV is forced to play nurse.

JV takes a bowl of water and some linens to her bed. These scenes always remind me of "Teacher's Pet," an old romantic comedy, when Clark Gable is supposed to put a drunk friend to bed and doesn't really know what to do, so he takes off his pants. I mean, really, what should you do? Strip a stranger so they'll be comfortable? Because the discomfort of sleeping in your clothes for a few hours is decidedly less than waking up naked in a stranger's bed. JV finally decides he'd better take off her corset, presumably because it's still soaked with melted snow, or perhaps so she can breathe. Boobies! And child prostitution.Collapse )
My Mood:
accomplished accomplished
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So, that last episode was pretty good. Pretty cool. I mean, there were people with psionic powers attempting to take over the galaxy, space chess, space poetry, philosophy and stuff, and the Enterprise attempting to overcome its greatest challenge yet: desert food.

But this is even better. It's more like a normal Trek episode in a lot of ways; Bones, Uhura, and Yeoman Janice Rand makes their debuts. Kirk takes off his shirt and decides he needs to go on a diet. Spock wears a blue shirt, almost apologizes, and talks about his childhood. Bones makes fun of Kirk the whole episode. Grapefruit juice. Mom jeans. The navigator's position threatens comparison with the Spinal Tap drummer.

And if that can't convince you to read the recap, consider this: behind this cut is the most horrifying thing you will ever lay eyes on. And it's not Shatner's nipples.

The Enterprise attempts to overcome it's greatest challenge yet: various geometry shapes.Collapse )
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I’m a Star Trek virgin. More or less, that is. Though now I do know a bit more than when I wrote this post - it’s amazing what you can gather from SpikeTV shows on in the background! Like, now I think I can name all the members of TNG main cast. (Picard, Worf, Wesley, Wesley’s mom, the Greek chick, Data, Picard - no, wait - the blonde security chick - no, wait - )

But, for the most part, I really don’t know what this is all about. Aside from Kirk/Spock sex, of course. Now, some people may demand I resign my geek card. I say this makes the ideal person to comment on the series. I’m unbiased! I know nothing about the fandom! (Except for Kirk/Spock.)

If you really want me to explain how I managed to live as long as I have and never laid eyes on Bill Shatner's exposed Canadian nipples, read that thread I linked to. Of course, I'm not completely unspoiled. I mean, who isn't? It's really hard not to run into certain aspects of the fandom. And I have watched about, oh say - well, I'm on Vol. 10 in Netflix, so let's say twenty episodes of the original series. That is to say, about 2.7%, or my math is wrong, and it probably is. So, in summary, Star Trek virgin, unbiased reporter. On to the recap!

An old friend of Kirk's develops superhuman powers ... so Kirk and Spock kill himCollapse )
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Now with pictures! Lighter, less filling! Read more...Collapse )
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Okay, you know the DVD menu? I keep opening it to the "Bonus Features" so I can hear the bone-chillingly good music there. The music on the main menu and scene selections drives me up the fucking wall, however. And in other news, I've actually purchased a copy of this movie. I don't know if I'll ever receive it, because my post office doesn't know that I'm back in Memphis for the summer and is still forwarding my mail to my home town, so who knows? But why pay for a Netflix subscription, which is pretty expensive, if all I do is keep the same movie month after month? It was only eleven bucks, too. Anyhoodle.

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Current Location:
Opposite Planet
My Mood:
chipper only smiling
My Music:
ADR
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The next morning, Mrs. Bennet mixes up a home-remedy for hangover, and pleads with Mary to stop practicing. Everyone looks a little hung over, actually. Mr. Collins sneaks down the stairs, and clears his throat. Mary's the only one who notices, because she likes Collins and actually values him as a human being. Mr. Collins steps closer to Mrs. Bennet, and asks if he can speak to Keira sometime in the morning. Keira is terrified, but her mother orders the family out of the room. Now their breakfast is ruined. Great.Read more...Collapse )

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Current Location:
Her parlor
My Mood:
irate Emo. Duh.
My Music:
The ambience ha ha!
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Pride and Prejudice.

Disclosure: I think Keira Knightley is a pointy-toothed, flat-chested, scary-necked, slump-shouldered, stick-skinny, personality-free talentless annoyance, which would be just fine if she chose roles that required her to wear trousers, yell a lot, mangle her irritating English accent, and scare a generation of virgin boys into heterosexuality, as she did in Bend it like Beckham, but instead her publicity agent has steered her into her gazillionth role wherein she's generally irresistible; and here, she is playing the spunky heroine in love with whom we are supposed to fall. Well, if you've read this far without scrolling down to the bottom to leave an angry comment, then you'll get through the recap. I don't think my preconceptions about the actors make me unobjective about their performances. I loved Matthew Macfadyen before I saw this movie, yet that didn't stop me from noting that he dialed down his usual low energy approach to acting until he hit "comatose." However, my observations are colored by the fact that I'd love Keira Knightley to disappear, and that needs to be said.

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Current Location:
Sad Suite of Sickness, Second Part
My Mood:
sick artistically sick
My Music:
Aural perfection
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Parody of Hulk, which I quite liked. Eric Bana is cute. Nick Nolte's hair is scary.

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Current Location:
South America
My Mood:
angry HULK SMASH!
My Music:
Eep!
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Everybody gets rejected in this part. There are, count 'em, four rejected marriage proposals, one turned-down bribe, one turned-down date, one dumped girlfriend, one rejected book offer, and one cold glass of ice water thrown into one undeserving face. I think that's some kind of record. The boys of Utah will have to invent new ways to get dumped.

Read more...Collapse )This second part covers the second thirty minutes of the movie, which, in total, is 100 minutes long.
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My Mood:
high ancient Native-American bear
My Music:
Bling Bling Daddy Daddy Bling Bling
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