July 4th, 2007


(no subject)

I like a boy. I've been listening to his favourite band a lot. I discover that they are incredible. I'm so stupid. Why do I think things can or will work out? Of course they won't. Shouldn't get my hopes up. I meet someone new, and my heads goes wild, spinning out with all the possibilities. I shouldn't have expectations or hopes or imagine falling asleep with him because this will make it all the harder when everything (inevitably) fails.

(no subject)

I came home from work tonight,
upset and pissed off.
I walked straight to the fridge
and grabbed myself a beer
and sat in the backyard.
and drank it.
take it, im only 18.

Secret: I wanted to sit there and drink a hole 12 pack by myself and get trashed so I'd be in a better mood. But I didn't.

The only thing holding me back,
Is the fact that I dont want to end up like "him"

an alcoholic father daughter

Silly secret

You can say I love music that is of the indie rock persuasion...

but I have suddenly taken a liking to Gwar and have full intentions on seeing them live. (By liking, I mean they amuse me to no end)

I think this makes me odd.

(no subject)

I never knew what real heartbreak was until my bestfriend told me that all the kisses and sex weren't meant to mean anything serious.

my secret: I never saw it coming. I thought I knew it all. Apparently I didn't because it actually meant everything to me and now he'll never know.

(no subject)

I have keratosis solaris (precancerous skin thing), and it got a bit worse, and I'm really worried. I just went to the dermatologist yesterday and I have to put on this special cream and everything.

The only person who can really set my mind at ease about things like this is my best friend.
But I don't want to tell her, because she just had her baby on Sunday. I don't want her to feel sad at all. I want her to be happy with her son.

I feel guilty that I can't tell her,
& i also feel guilty that I even considered telling her.

& I ALSO feel guilty that I feel guilty for considering telling her.

I'm not going to tell her unless anything skin related comes up,
or until a month goes by.

(no subject)

secret 1= i will do whatever i have to just to become the hip hop teacher... even if it means i have to leave all my friends at my dance school and go to another school just to teach...

secret 2= ur killing me slowly b/c ur not talking to me... i miss hearing ur voice... i just wanna make sure ur alright... i do still have my crush and i wanna help u no matter what.. tahts y i told u i had an extra room for u... i would even share my room with u if i had to..

secret 3= i really have no motatvation to do much any more, thats y im hoping that i get this job i have an interview for on monday....
fuck it.

(no subject)

you can't just come in & out of people's lives. i'm a real person. i have feelings & you don't leave my mind when you're not around. it's not some "out of sight, out of my mind" game. -so fuck you.

You broke my heart. You really really did.
I don't know how I'm going to recover from this.
This is the most disgusting feeling ever.
My God. I love you so so much.
It shocks me when I realize how deeply in love I am.
Sometimes I forget, or I just blind myself from it.

It's not even about me being in love. Or is it?
I don't know. It's about this person.
This guy who for some reason, matters the world to me.
The most important person in my life.

I can't even cry. That's how devastated I am. But I want to cry... I really do.
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed

(no subject)

While your in jail for the next 5 years...
i hope you think of how good i treated you, how i did everything for you
and how all you did was throw me around like i was nothing.
i hope you realize none of this woulda happend if you had an ounce of respect for people.
serves you right..
have fun...
(iam still here for you however)

(no subject)

i love the way i'm feelin right now in my little black dress, stockings and new black boots. i'm feelin sexy and no one can take that away from me.... can't wait to go out tonight and DANCE~!!!

(no subject)

I ALWAYS spend New Years Eve, Valentines Day, and the 4th of July A L O N E.

I *could* go to parties I've been invited to, but that's not really where I want to be. Even if I go, I'll still be alone. So I would rather be physically alone, and read a book or something equally lame.

The only place I really want to be is with *him*. But that is impossible.

Is this depressing, or what?

(no subject)

i have this horrible feelings about the anime convention i'm going to this week. animenext.

since our friends ditched us out of a ride to take my exgirlfriend and her friend...
i can only imagine the further drama that will ensue when we all get there
  • Current Music
    seventy times seven

Do Re Mi Faaaaa......

At Montreat, I wanted to sing at Open Mike, and even after much assuraces from my friends that I could sing, i didn't get up

Secret: A part of me told me to get my sorry ass up there and to quit being such a coward. the other part kept asking why the hell I thought I was good enough for this, every one else is a hundred times better than me.

(I have such a foul mouth in my head)
  • Current Mood
    aggravated aggravated

Fuck the pain away

Im loosing all my friends,
and I honestly have no idea why,
I stopped being friends with one, and now it seems like everyone is mad at me,
Im starting to hate myself all over again.

All I want to do is cry, or have sex.

(no subject)

i hate everything about you.
seeing anything about you makes me sick.
at times, i wish you were dead.
i only every spent time with you because you were someone to touch.
but after i left you, i would feel dirty. 
i really do hate you.
rk grass
  • 0bpm

(no subject)

i knew everything you said when you were drunk was a lie.
i remember once you said you wanted to be the person in my life who will change how i see people, you know i see people as filthy liars, and you just proved me right once again.

"that picture is really beautiful, you're really beautiful, people try to capture beauty like that in symphonies and artists try to paint it and writers try to write about it and if my family ever met you they wouldn't know what to do because you're so beautiful"