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fitting the pieces together

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Cleaning [02 Feb 2006|06:06am]

Cleaned up the member list.
If your journal was deleted by accident, please e-mail me.
If you had deleted your journal, and re-activated it, please email so that i can add you back.


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My Appologies [25 Aug 2005|07:25pm]

My Net connection has been on the fritz for nearly 2 months.
All who have asked to join Have been admitted.

If there is trouble, I will be quick to deal with it.

If there are any problems, questions or complaints feel free to send them to shaado@shaadodreams.com [my personal email]

Thank you all for your patience, and I appologize once again

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new management [21 Jul 2005|09:20am]

[ mood | thankful ]

Just to let everyone know, if you missed the post at fragmentedminds, we are leaving livejournal permanently and giving management of this community to the lovely and trusted dreams_unslept gang :)

Take well care, everyone!

1 listening ear | reach out

leaving communities [31 May 2005|01:33pm]

[ mood | depressed ]

due to having too many problems using live journal because of the layout and how it works, it is hard for me to use, and i wrote to live journal user support about it and they said there is no way to change it, so i am going to leave all the communities i belong to. i am keeping only individuals on my friends list. i am not deleting the account, yet. feel free to add me to your friend's list if you want to. and don't bother replying to this message, i won't see it.

i've cross posted this to everywhere i belong to.


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hello and why am i still awake [10 Mar 2005|03:05am]

[ mood | awake ]

hey my name is claudia, apparently while we are being added to the children's group we got added to this one too. which is cool but we didn't actually intend to be in this one. but here we are. our system name is Distraida and we are supposed to be in bed.


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[10 Feb 2005|02:54pm]

[ mood | hopeful ]

Is anyone(s) else here a multiple whose partner is also a multiple?

I/we am/have been in a relationship with another multiple for the past year and finding that although in many ways it seems like an appropriate relationship, it presents a whole host of problems (no pun intended).

I and some of my others certainly love him/them. But it is increasingly difficult to negotiate relationship issues. Kind of like whitewater rafting, only a lot hairier.

If there's any interest in discussing this sort of thing, I'd love to post more. Or, if anyone has any ideas of forums/groups on livejournal or otherwise that it would be helpful for me/us to contact. We're starting couples therapy, but need all the help we can get, I'm afraid.


5 listening ears | reach out

in need of help, relating to memories [07 Dec 2004|04:30am]

(posted to __piecesofus and fragmentedminds)

hi, this is really long, i'm sorry... but i needed to get some of this out. half of it is pretty much to myself, but i also have questions in there for anyone here who can answer... i tried bolding what i really need answers to, the rest is alot of venting on my part. sorry if it's a little inconsistent, there was alot of switching while writing the letter.

not really sure if there's anything triggering? no SA details, just anger & pain relating to.Collapse )
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[24 Nov 2004|11:53pm]
*T* for abandonment issues and drowning.
Read more...Collapse )
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we broke our foot... [03 Oct 2004|04:16pm]

and it relly relly herts. :( an we cant be on the puter for long becus it makes the foot hert worse and worse. an nobody is caling us so weer lonly and bored. and sad. and bored too also. and we cant go to class or anything but apointments for 2 weeks. uky. uky like trout for dinner. no. worse than trout for dinner becus that can go away. this just herts. and is boring too also. ukyukyuky.
2 listening ears | reach out

[20 Sep 2004|11:10am]

[ mood | busy ]

Pretty sure everyone in this comm. is a part of fragmentedminds as well. If not, know this now: we, the owners/moderators of __piecesofus will be absent for the rest of this week until Monday, and then back that week and then gone starting on the 3rd of October until roughly the 10th of October. There is no co-moderating team here, so if you have questions, concerns, problems of any kind please feel free to email us (jovianevers@ dividedminds. com), but know we won't get back to you either until next week or the 2nd week of October depending when your mail arrives.

Stay well, continue to post and use this safe haven to your advantage when you want or need to.

Take well care,
-your moderating team (Braeden & Chriss)

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is blue [29 Aug 2004|04:02pm]

[ mood | calm ]

blue is
is cats is
birdwings is
faeries is night
is velvet soft is

green is
is teal is
seawind is sunset
is growing things
is green

red is
is hurt
is flowing hot
is bright is sharp
is red

yellow is
fear is orange
is loud is bright
is biting is pain
is terror
is yellow
is orange

blue is
comfort is
blankets is soft
is fur and velvet
is blue

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[24 Aug 2004|12:19pm]

[ mood | calm ]

is not too loud or bright here. so i say hi.

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hi [24 Aug 2004|12:12pm]

[ mood | curious ]

im kittin n i don no wy mouse posted lik she did but i ges its k. :)

mm i ges thats al i hav to say rit now bi!

2 listening ears | reach out

Hallo... [24 Aug 2004|11:45am]

[ mood | curious ]

Hi all. Thought maybe we'd better introduce ourself briefly; if you're on some of our other communities you'll have seen our intro already. Sorry for that!

We're the collective of Sgéimh Solais (SHCAYV SOLish). Our name is Old Irish for 'beauty of light', which is how we see ourself as a collective. Our default journal pic is of a painting we did entitled the same thing, 'Beauty of light: a self portrait of many.'
about our collectiveCollapse )
a little more about us otherwiseCollapse )
other members of our collective with LJsCollapse )
Thanks for having us!

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[21 Jun 2004|07:02pm]

[ mood | shaken ]

When going to see a new doctor (PCP) who seems to have clue is this disturbing ... that isn't good. I figure that I should be answer the quetions honestly - the ones on the forms and the ones that she asks me verbally. So, I check off nearly all of the stress related disorders and there was a box to check if you had ever been sexually assaulted, and so I checked that. Then told her about the DID too. If I go to see her several times, if she is as competent as she seems she might be, it may prove to have been worth it.

Now I am piecemeal and not very functional for a while ... how bad would it have been if I had gone to see a doctor without clue? Maybe easier, I just would have gotten angry afterwards? Hard to tell. But she seemed very nice, caring, competent and intelligent. It should be easier next time. No more scary questions, I tell the kids inside. We've got the basics out of the way. She won't have to ask those things again.

3 listening ears | reach out

[08 May 2004|04:16pm]

[ mood | in pain ]

body memories 'down there'Collapse )

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intro, update and question [05 May 2004|06:52pm]

[ mood | aggravated ]

cross-posted to malingers, disorders_r_us, and fragmentedminds, maybe some other places - just page past if you see it too often

I've noticed that when I see a new doctor on a day that I'm in an actively bad mood, very frightened or stressed about something or when the doctor is hard for me to understand for some reason, and I thusly ask lots of questions, on those days I get diagnosed borderline.

But if I'm simply calmly and thoroughly depressed, dissociated, whatever, or if the doctor is good at explaining things, or if the things the doctor is explaining are things I already have some knowledge of - then I am not borderline.

Doctors who have seen me for longer have not said borderline. But doctors who have have been more recent.

One shrink began to 'suspect' that I might be borderline after being forced by the company he works for to adopt a new computerized method of note taking - one that does not fit his style at all. He and I became so much less effective working together that I had to go get a new shrink. And of course, since I saw the new one on a bad day, and answered the question 'why did you stop seeing dr so and so' with 'because he wouldn't look at me when we were talking' I'm now borderline in my official papers.

So - any borderline (or other) folk want to comment? What do you think of when you hear 'she's borderline' or 'he's borderline' - do you think it is a stigmatizing dx that will make it harder to find effective treatment, or do you get some insight from it.

My therapist says borderline is often used as code for 'patient I don't want to work with' but also that it used to have a connotation simply of fragility - of someone with out a lot of margin left between what they needed for their current level of functioning and a significant setback of some sort. He also tells me that his study partner once said "on a bad day, we are all borderline" - which seems to make sense to me somehow.

So - as of last Friday - my problems.

Recurrent Major Depression, onset in childhood - check, and check again - it is recurrent after all....

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - occasionally *severe* PTSD, depends on the doc - onset of symptoms in adulthood, but clearly linked to verifiable childhood sexual assault as well as possible other contributing factors - check

Dissociative Identity Disorder - check - four of me - that would be a check

Borderline Personality Disorder - WTF??? I'm charming. Even the doc who said borderline also said charming - If you are DID can *some* of you be borderline? 'Cause Tal says she thinks 'borderline is the new code word for 'inconvenient female patient' - taking the historic place of 'hysteric' as a means of social control, and she's thinking she might as well be proud of it. - so check? or fight it so it won't complicate treatment for the other stuff?

Agoraphobia - not in the sense of frightened of the sky or large spaces - but in the more current technical sense of anxious when in situations I can't control. Considering that sample situations include the possibility of loosing my food stamp money, or never getting to see my daughter again I'd like to argue that this is just sensible. However, the fear spreads, and I end up being made nervous by thoughts of grocery shopping. And I'm deathly afraid of waiting in line at Social Services. Check. (I'd have used Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but I'm not a clinician, and this does describe things well enough.)

Attention Deposit Disorder Without Hyperactivity/Primarily Inattentive Type - dx'd in childhood before it was a 'hot' diagnosis - in fact, I was the first girl with ADD my insurance ever covered. I don't know the exact DSM term currently used - the 'without hyperactivity' has been in and out of fashion throughout the years and is sometimes replaced by 'Primarily Inattentive Type.' I like to joke that someone will have to let me know when it changes, so I'll know if I should be fidgeting or not that year. - check - oh gods and goddesses yes, check check check check check

I also reverse numbers in a dyslexic fashion, which has gotten me fired from several jobs, but that seems to be being rolled into the ADD these days.

Migraines - off and on for years - they send me to bed and driving isn't even worth discussion - check

Possible Arthritis - pain follows arthritic pattern, but no luck with the blood tests as I keep having panic attacks when they try to take the blood. Knee pain started as a teen, but no one listened until now - flareups have kept me in bed for up to a week, but most days it just hurts and slows me down. But the other days are not 'no hurt' the other days are 'hurts like hell' - check on my part, but simply a hypothesis on my paperwork.

And Social Security says I should be able to work. Um, yeah. Right.

Thanks for listening - feedback welcome.


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ranting. RAVING. [13 Apr 2004|10:41pm]

[ mood | infuriated ]


I'm so fucking mad about someone posting something like that to a kid at the littles' community. I failed at the one thing I wanted to do here; create safety for little ones.

fucking hell. assholes are cheap today.
(this post doesn't belong here. i don't care. i can bend my own damned rules if i want to. *sighs*)

10 listening ears | reach out

hi hi [07 Apr 2004|02:07pm]

[ mood | sad ]

i write this a long time ago when we was in therapy the first time which i do think is 12 years ago. i didn't really know anyone else was in here except for my sisters. i always did know my sisters. that therapist did think they were imaginary friends.

jenna's story and it talks about abuse, all kindsCollapse )

i do be sorry if it scary, but it bes true.

oh yeah i did puts this in my own journal to.


5 listening ears | reach out

let out for a bit. [26 Mar 2004|04:43am]

fog by carl sandburg
the fog comes
on little cat feet.
it sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on.

my version depresion trigerCollapse )
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