(no subject)

well see theres this boy...hes a lot older than me...well, 6 years, and hes absoutely amazing. my parents, his parents, everybody thinks that well get married someday. The problem is, he is getting a job in another state...across the country. Ill see him at important holidays and stuff, but i love the kid. Hes leaving in July, and I just dont know how to let him go. Im going to miss him so much, he means the world to me. I just dont know how to say goodbye because hes such an important person in my life. help?
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    depressed depressed

(no subject)

I've never posted in here before, but I have a pretty shitty life thing at the moment....

My boyfriend (Matt or Michael, 15) and I (Codi, 17) have been going out for over 3 months. 
He lives in Georgia.
He used to live in New York (which is where I live, and how we met)
I've been kicked out of my house for dating him.
I sold my guitar when he owed some people money. 
I bought him the puppy he really wanted.
He's been running away because his dad hits him.
Running away is against his probation.
The last time he ran away, he went to Pennsylvania (he didn't have the money to get to New York).
We have a mutual "friend" in New York. 
Or should I say slut.
She decided to screw him while he was there.
She's 21.
And she feels the need to call me a whore because Michael is 2 years younger than I.
Michael and I haven't had sex yet.
She fucked him.
And he's 6 years younger than her.
Anyway, back to being against his probation.
"Violation of probation" may land him 6 years in jail.
Or a work camp.
He's in there now 
(he got arrested on our 3 month anniversary)
He's suicidal, and cutting, and all this other stuff. 
I'm also cutting, and other stuff, especially since he got in there. 

Well, I'm now stuck.
I'm homeless.
I'm graduating in a month.
I'm moving to VA.
My boyfriend is in jail in GA.

All of his friends keep hitting on me too, and trying to get me to sleep with them.

I'm just very stuck in life right now.
It sucks.

  • Current Music
    "Car Underwater" Armor For Sleep

(no subject)

it's the same old story, I know.
but there's this boy ..
[what 16 year old's drama does not start off like this?]

well over the summer we got really close, and "messed around"
but you need to understand this boy ..

I've liked him for going on three years.
and one night he randomly called my house,
he lives far away from me but I go down there during the summer.

anyways, we hung out [strictly night visits]
and that was at a party, then he wanted to get more personal.
so he picked me up and we just drove around and hung out places
and we went to the playground, okay now I am from a big city and he's a country boy so I never really got to see the stars, so anyways .. we were at the playground and he asked what I always wanted to do, my favorite movie blah blah blah so I said I always wanted to just lay out at night and watch the stars since I never really could before, so he just got in his car and I was like okay? so I followed him and he just drove away and I asked, "where are we going?" and his reply was, "you'll see." so we end up in this corn field and I'm sort of mad because I didn't know what we were doing there and he randomly parks and gets out and goes on the roof so I'm like what the hell? and he just pulls me up and I'm like WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? and he's like lay down and then he points to the stars and I almost cried .. they were so beautiful. and then we were talking and I asked what the most romantic thing he ever did for a girl and he's like well there's this girl, she's never really seen the stars so I drove her to a field and let me see one of the most beautiful sites in the world. he said that wasn't the most romantic was it was amazing.

this is going to be really long, just warning you now.

over the summer I was really sick I had liver problems and he came to my house [keep in mind this is at 2 in the morning and no one knew it] and he's like well do you want to go somewhere more private so we can actually talk and I was like yeah sure so we went on a walk to the playground [sed playground mentioned before] so we got there and we were talking and we started talking about how my favorite movie was the notebook and BEFORE [the time he took me to the field] I said how I wanted to dance without music LIKE in the notebook and he's liek oh okay and then I got really cold like shivers and he put his coat around me and then we went back to my house and laid on the couch
MafiaCinderella: and then it got all touchy touchy and I'm like kasjf;lksj blah no. and then we went upstairs and I got really quiet and he's like what's wrong? and I'm like nothing and then he asked what I wanted [like for him to leave?] and I didn't mean to say this but I'm like .. I don't want to go to the doctor's and he sort of laughed like that's it? and I just sat there and then he got really serious and he's like kisa what's wrong? and I'm like nothing blah blah blah and he's like NO! no .. no .. no.. this can't be happening *because he knew how I had cancer before and he's like what's wrong now? and I'm like they took x-rays and they say part of my liver is starting to shut itself down and he just stood there and I started to cry, now I never cry. especially in front of people. he is probably the only person to ever see me cry. and he just held me and hugged me and then he started humming and was like it's alright, I'm here for you. you can take mine if you need it and then he like moved my hand, like how you hold hands when you tango and I'm like what are you doing? and he's like shh, and he started to hum the EXACT tune from the notebook and we danced. in my room. without music. just like I always wanted. and then I go, "what happens if a car comes ... " because that's a line in the movie, and he goes .. "you're never going to die."

now that is one of the many sweet things this kid has ever done.

but there's a catch.

he had a girlfriend, the entire time .. I knew about it but just figured time spent with him is better than no time spent with him but I really thought he fell for me .. and I know guys do a lot to get laid, but to go to that extent .. it was magical. do you think he fell for me? even just a little.

but, they broke up.
even though they're still all "love you." sometimes.
but the fact that he cheated on her, does that say anything?

and summer's coming around again and I wonder if may, just maybe I have a chance.

so what's your input on the situation?
please tell me what you think .. I know this sounds stupid and he probably doesn't care but I really don't care to move on ..
I'm not one of those teenage girls who gives their heart away to anyone.
I've liked this kid for close to three years now.
and we did have sex, but that's not the reason I'ved like him.

I just get so happy even talking about him and I can replay our moments in exact detail and my breath still gets taken away.

I just can't explain it .. but I think I deserve this one thing .. urgh.


oh, and his "girlfriend/ex girlfriend" hates me, and blocked me on his buddy list so instant messaging is now out of the question.