( Long story about my beautiful gay friendCollapse )
So, the take home points:
- I am not averse to being friends with him again
- I feel like I should stand up for myself and protect my own interests and feelings
- I tend to automatically step up to nurture or be supportive, so stopping to think about whether I *should* do it feels unnatural
- In my head I recognize that friendship is a two-way street and that I deserve better
- In my heart I just want to see him and give him a big hug and have a good cry
I am going home to visit my family and friends in 2 weeks, and I would have time to visit him. However, I have not told him that I will be in town, so there is no external pressure to follow through on that. I'm tempted to email his mom, ask how he is, and ask if she thinks seeing him would be a good idea (since they are close, and she would be honest with me).
The problem is that I don't know if seeing him is a good idea, or if it would even be consistent with the stance I have taken in the last few months. There's just this irrational "because I want to" behind it.
Advice? Any thoughts at all are welcomed. Don't hold back.
Thanks to anyone who bothered to read all this. It's such a complicated mess. :)