so, i got back from the SEARCH retreat a few hours ago. this is possibly the happiest i have been in a very long time....in so long i cant remember. definately not anytime in late high shcool. especially considering that i have been 'joyful' for the past few weeks, not really 'happy'. just at peace. now, i come home (to my dorm...yes HOME...i do live here), and i have an outline due tomorrow for my comm 101 persuasive (final) speech that i havent even started, i have to unpack and clean my room, im having really bad abdominal pain (u know) and i really REALLY want to shower. right now i just had to write something that wasnt homework (which i started...even though i really want to shower). i just havent been truely happy in a really long time. things are working...and i may not have seen it that way before i left this weekend. i am a fairly lucky person. some are luckier than me, and that makes me happy - no one should have to experience some of the things that i have experienced. but many people are much less fortunate than me...and that, for myself, makes me happy to know that my life could be so much worse. i dont seem bogged down by school anymore; i think i went on a very good weekend (right after 2 midterms, a speech and a quiz in one week). this week is much lighter than last, and i think that helping me to see that God is here...though i dont really know how. i just know that i had an awesome, powerful, moving weekend, and i would do anything to have my friends go who didnt this year. anything. i will pay for your entire fee next year if you say you will go, because it will be an experience, though in a simple church in anacortes just a-ways south of here, that you will never...ever forget. and it will be a priceless weekend...
so, God works in such mysterious ways. though this isnt a big thing, i have been trying to focus more and more on how God works through people and actions and coincidence and little things. there is a priest, father john coprapi, who i heard is a phenominal speaker...and he is speaking in seattle at a conference this weekend. its presidents day weekend, so we get three days off. i was going to go to central, but laura s has an orthodontist appointment in burien on monday, so she wont be there (the whole reason of going, of course). i didnt want to spend the whole weekend at home, because i want to spend it with my mom, but not the whole three days. if i stayed the whole three days, i would want to spend an entire day with laura s and that would kind of hurt my moms feelings. so, i asked lindsey (the girl who is organizing the ft. corapi trip to seattle) if there was any possible way that i could stay in seattle or get a ride home to near the seatac airport (where my house is...redundency...gotta love it). she said probaly not if i didnt have my own car. there was another girl up there who wanted to go hear father corapi speak also (btw, this is friday evening to saturday afternoon) that i had met during mass. she asked where i lived and i told her not more than five or ten minutes from the seatac airport. she said she was going to federal way after the conference, and not here, and that she was coming back on monday, so she could drop me off on her way and possibly pick me up on the way back. so i get to see my mom for an entire day and a little bit of two different days. thats the perfect weekend at home.
so, i just wanted to tell you all that i am happier than i have ever been...i have proof, too! earlier today i was on the phone with someone and i was running a little late, and her tone of voice (i know, i know, I was late...) kind of made me mad. and walking down the hill, i was able to dismiss it. i had never done that before - dismissed the way that something made me feel because really it was obsolete. i just kind of dwell on things until they wear off...
i guess im growing more than i could have ever imagined...