Hello?

Does anyone on here still read LJ? I'm looking for some active communities or friends. I'm 5'8" (of course) and my cw is around 148-150. My hw was 169 and my lw is 120 and I want to get back down to 120 and try to get to 110 though if I can have a flat stomach at 120 I'd be ok. Maybe.

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(no subject)

SO, I've gained back what I lost bc of vacation and family stuff making a cheat turn into a binge nightmare.
BUT I could definitely have gained more, I have a plan and a grocery list, and honestly where I usually feel like dying, I feel great and totally optimistic and in control.
Here's to losing 80 pounds by New Year's.
It sounds insane, but it's so possible. And I'm doing it.

(no subject)

I still lost from fluctuation, but...
I haven't worked out in the last two days.
And I've sort of binged the past two days.
I don't want to fuck my shit up.
I need to lose more, not a little, not maintain, not gain.
I feel like my 'naughty days' (Saturday, once a week when I allow binge-ish behavior) is messing with me. It's really good to keep me from binging because I deprive myself, and the fluctuation is great to keep metab going. On the other hand it's harder to go back to smaller calories after. Idk if I'm in more danger of binging because I deny myself stuff or allow it.
These binges have still been better than my other binges, or even my other regular days when I was on this hell-ride to fatassery, but I don't want to go back or give up. My control is better but I want it totally back.
I need motivation, support, inspiration...Idk.
Bah

(no subject)

Yesterday I misread the calories on a package (this brand ALWAYS measures servings per-packet, but this one for some reason was by half packet!?) so I ate 90 cals over my limit! Usually I eat a tiny bit over bc chewy vitamins that I don't count but I was a bit freaked about it. I told myself being obsessive about it was going back to my old habits and the extra calories would probably bolster my metab, and after 10-11 hours sleep (Idk why I slept so long!) I'm down 2 ounces, which is nothing great or to put my nose down at bc at least I didn't gain and still lost something though it could easily be water.
I have a history of struggling with at least sort of bad skin, I got my second chemical peel the other day and am having the worst break out of my life so I'm having these dreams about how vulnerable I feel (I feel so hideous, I'm so fat and my face looks like a lepper or monster ugh!).
I might be about to take a small vacation which is good and bad. My bf and I both need some time away and could use some nice scenery and a break from reality with my awesome family. At the same time I dread being around family and traveling when I'm trying to diet bc they eat like absolute shit. My mom's trying out for a tv show soon though, so I might be able to get her to be good with me. Also, it's crazy hot up there and the pool is a public (well, military base) one and being seen in any kind of bathing suit (even though I bought myself a cute 'fatgirl bathing suit' as I call it when I gained- very betty page, leopard thinning onepiece with modesty panel) is terrifying to me. Fortunately I prob have until the end of the month, so I should be somewhat smaller and my skin should be more okay.
I'm just stressed, even though I know I'm changing things, I feel trapped in my grossness lol. To think I used to stress about being 135 or whatever anything below what I am now is so crazy to me- sure, I wanted to lose...but I had so much LESS to lose! I wish I could have that good a starting point now. I just feel totally hideous and disgusting. I actually feel bad for my bf. I wanna be pretty again :(

(no subject)

Day four of my new losertown-inspired dietplan. I'm down from my hw about 8/9lbs, down from my starting for this one about 4lbs.
I haven't been able to stick to a plan this well since before my last recovery (which ended in insane gain and my highest weight by far).
So far doing it the healthy way is sticking. I'm consuming about 700 cals a day, working out a little everyday, eating nutritional stuff, and not falling into old crazy restrictive, obsessive workouts mode.
This is the first time I haven't either gone overboard with restricting/fasting/working out or gone overboard with binging and gaining and doing nothing.

It feels good but it's still hard. I'm scared of Saturday, which is my first weekly 'naughty' day. I know eating something I'm craving once a week is good for my metab as well as psyche, but I'm scared it'll trigger binging.
I'm totally obsessed with this girl http://undressedskeleton.tumblr.com/ !
She's my height and my goalweight (5'8, 108), and her hw (214) was 21 pounds above mine (193), and she lost it in a year (111 at least)!
She did it TOTALLY the healthy way (proper diet and exercise), although she says she doesn't have an ED she's really obsessive with food and workouts and I personally believe she's at least orthorexic.
I'm scared bc I'm eating less cals than she did, and I want the no-yo-yo experience she's having...but I also want to lose the weight by 2012 and the plan I'm on should have it all off by November/December of this year.
Idk!

(no subject)

Today (it's 4:30am haha) I've quit smoking for a week. (I've been a heavy smoker for 7/8 years!) I'm cheating with an e-cigarette, but it's better than smoking even if it's not getting me off the nicotine right away.
Instead of gaining weight, I've lost a couple of pounds.
Today will be day 3 of what so far has been a successful new diet plan derived from losertown.
I'm trying to restrict and work out without being too obsessive, and focusing more on nutrition than crazy low cals so I won't end up skinny/fat or malnourished or yoyoing.
It's a whole new deal for me, it used to be numbers and nothing else that mattered, fuck health.
I want to be thin, but I also want to be well and be in real control.
I'm hoping to lose about 78 more pounds by December of this year.
It could go faster, and slower, but I want some speed but also better success and body composition.
I hope this works!
It's going to be really hard, I won't get enough of the support I'll need from my fam/bf.
Wish me luck!

(no subject)

I've always heard the only way to keep skin from getting floppy and whatnot is to lose weight slowly. Obviously that's not how we do it, I'm at a high weight for the first time in my life and plan to lose it all in about 7 months...please tell me it's not true I can only avoid this skin problems by taking forever? Anyone know how to avoid this?

(no subject)

Success is more important than embarrassment. I'm trying to tell myself this about everything in life right now.
So, I'm finally going to post my stats in hopes of finding a girl/some girls with similar stats and situations to be text/aim buddies with.
Before I recovered the last time, I'd just said fuck you to recovery again and went from about 144 to 132 before I got busted and said it was time to lose the right way so no more yoyoing and 'bad' habits. I gained up to about 138-140 before I really committed to recovery, and instead of eating right and taking care of myself, my addiction went the opposite way again and I gained about 50 pounds in a year and halfish.
I am
5'8
192.2 pounds.
My
lw: 85 (about 10 years ago a few years into my ednos)
hw: [before this catastrophe] 163 (about 8 years ago )
ugw: 105-112
My birthday is in about a month and I'm so humiliated by most of my life at the moment celebrating it in any way seems like a sick, dark, joke.
I need some connections and support to regain control, not just with food but also with food (as in not going too crazy again) and other things in my life.
So if someone wants to make buddies, particularly with similar stats (lw and hw similarities would also be awesome but mostly cw and height) I'd really be into that. Let me know!
Good luck, ladies, when you freak- always rememeber how much worse it could be...I never imagined I would be like this. <3