(no subject)

Current Weight:109
Goal Weight:95
Something interesting about you: I am the second of four girls. I love photography, music, reading and movies. I have BPD. I am a graduate student in mental health counseling
  • Current Mood
    indifferent indifferent

(no subject)

so..i went from 165 to 154 in a week with tons of restricting and fasting..i know its water weight but it makes me feel good to see the numbers drop, now to keep them dropping. i made dinner tonight for the family, we've been thhrough this before so im making sure i show no signs that im slipping back into all of this.
i freaked out on my mother because she put butter on the broccoli. i almost cried. i made a healthy dinner and she ruined it.
ive missed all of this.
the rumble in my tummy and waking up in the morning wondering how ill get through the day.
theres still some aspects that i hate though
i hate feeling crazy. like..i dunno, its wierd to explain. but i do, feel crazy 24/7.
anyone else feel like there is a "voice" (for lack of a better word) yelling at them all day long. "dont eat that" "you dont deserve that" "your disgusting for even contemplating tasting that"
i dunno..i know im not crazy but shit like that makes me feel like i am. if i lost 2 pounds a week til my birthday (june 2nd) i could be 115...that would be the best birthday present i could ask for.
i need motivation and text buddies...anyone up for it? i need a night owl though lol, i work at a gas station overnight and thats when i get the most cravings.
anywho..i hope you are all doing well
girl-red on pointe


HEy girlies,

Any of you lovlies in ohio? Close to Columbus? go to Ohio State? I really could use a real live ed friend. I've been sick so long, I hate being alone in this. I know i'm taking a leep but I really could use someone here. now in the flesh.

I'm diagnosed bulimic with anorexic tendencies

I'm really fat right now, but loosing thanks god

I need a friend

I'm not pro ana or mia, in fact I hate nicknames for a freaking disorder

its been awhile its been a really long time since ive posted. i doubt anyone remembers me at all
so, ive been recovered, well..are you recovered if you still think about it constantly?
anyways, over the past 2..almost 3 yrs ive gained around 40+ pounds and i need it
i miss everything about my eating disorder and i dont know what to do
i tried to resist for the longest time but i cant
i tried to tell my gf because i wanted to be honest, but she flipped...told me i needed help and all of this shit
but i dont need help, nothings wrong, im only thinking about it and im fat..i dont need help
so stats as of right now embarassed to post these
height 5'2
first goal weight 150
im gonna try to start slow and go down to 1,000 calories for now..
im gonna need alot of help and inspiration getting back into this, anyone wanna be email buddies or whatever? someone with close stats so i dont feel like such a fatass
feels good to be back :)
  • stetnee

Some good stuff for once.

I actually have some fairly good news to report... I haven't purged since Saturday night :D  And I've done really well with eating.  I'm probably eating less than what is considered healthy, but I havent purged what I have eaten.  One thing at a time.

And I'm making better choices with what I'm eating too... and my mom went grocery shopping today and when she asked me if I had any requests, I had a few -healthy- things to name.

I have to admit I'm getting close to my old restriction habits, but again, one thing at a time.  And I dont plan on going overboard with it...  It's just really hard to find that balance between restriction and overeating.  I would rather be closer to restriction honestly though, because then its easier to go without purging...

I also went to the gym this morning for the first time in lord knows how long.  I set a goal for workout time, and instead of going overboard or wimping out after five minutes, I got to my goal and stopped.  I'm hoping to build up my endurance again so I can go for a longer time, but I havent worked out in a long time and it would probably be bad to just dive back into my old workout routine (which was pretty extensive).



Just a friendly reminder.

This is NOT a pro-ed community.
This community is for judgement-free support.
NOT for tips, tricks, pro-ed advice, etc.

That is all.  Have a lovely day.  <33


Mini rant

I'm having serious issues.  I cannot stop.  Eating and purging, over and over.  As many times as I can sneak it.  I have a new girlfriend, and I want to tell her.  I want to tell her I have an eating disorder, but I'm working on it.  Trouble is, it doesn't seem like I'm working on it.  I'm still doing my behaviors and I still absolutely HATE my body.  I want nothing more than to get back down to where I was.  Maybe not as low as my lowest, but somewhere down there.  Anything below what I am now.  Anyway, I'm hating myself every moment because I'm torn between wanting to recover for my family and those that care about me, and my desire to get this weight off.  I'm so damn scared of being this weight, and of gaining more to get up to where I was at my highest, that I'm choosing the ED over my life, every day.  And I can't seem to stop.  Every day I wake up and say "Today will be different."  It never is.

(no subject)

im new here:
Current Weight:133
Goal Weight:130 then 100
Something interesting about you: erm..nothing really. i like rock music and want to be a vet when im older.
Picture (if you wish): no sorry, not yet

(no subject)

I'm trying, I really am.  I want to get better... but shit.  Mom makes a comment to Grandma this evening that I'm looking good, getting some "bedunkadunk".  WTF!  Why??  On what planet is that a good something to say to anyone with an ED?  Usually my mom is really good about what she says around me... but that comment really got me.  Made me never want to eat again...  or purge until there is NOTHING left.  I want to get better, but that comment really freaked me out.  I know I've gained weight, I know I've passed up my goal weight long ago...  But as long as I dont think about it too much, I can manage, you know?

So now its stuck in my head...