Something interesting about you: I am the second of four girls. I love photography, music, reading and movies. I have BPD. I am a graduate student in mental health counseling
I actually have some fairly good news to report... I haven't purged since Saturday night :D And I've done really well with eating. I'm probably eating less than what is considered healthy, but I havent purged what I have eaten. One thing at a time.
And I'm making better choices with what I'm eating too... and my mom went grocery shopping today and when she asked me if I had any requests, I had a few -healthy- things to name.
I have to admit I'm getting close to my old restriction habits, but again, one thing at a time. And I dont plan on going overboard with it... It's just really hard to find that balance between restriction and overeating. I would rather be closer to restriction honestly though, because then its easier to go without purging...
I also went to the gym this morning for the first time in lord knows how long. I set a goal for workout time, and instead of going overboard or wimping out after five minutes, I got to my goal and stopped. I'm hoping to build up my endurance again so I can go for a longer time, but I havent worked out in a long time and it would probably be bad to just dive back into my old workout routine (which was pretty extensive).
Just a friendly reminder.
This is NOT a pro-ed community.
This community is for judgement-free support.
NOT for tips, tricks, pro-ed advice, etc.
That is all. Have a lovely day. <33
I'm having serious issues. I cannot stop. Eating and purging, over and over. As many times as I can sneak it. I have a new girlfriend, and I want to tell her. I want to tell her I have an eating disorder, but I'm working on it. Trouble is, it doesn't seem like I'm working on it. I'm still doing my behaviors and I still absolutely HATE my body. I want nothing more than to get back down to where I was. Maybe not as low as my lowest, but somewhere down there. Anything below what I am now. Anyway, I'm hating myself every moment because I'm torn between wanting to recover for my family and those that care about me, and my desire to get this weight off. I'm so damn scared of being this weight, and of gaining more to get up to where I was at my highest, that I'm choosing the ED over my life, every day. And I can't seem to stop. Every day I wake up and say "Today will be different." It never is.
I'm trying, I really am. I want to get better... but shit. Mom makes a comment to Grandma this evening that I'm looking good, getting some "bedunkadunk". WTF! Why?? On what planet is that a good something to say to anyone with an ED? Usually my mom is really good about what she says around me... but that comment really got me. Made me never want to eat again... or purge until there is NOTHING left. I want to get better, but that comment really freaked me out. I know I've gained weight, I know I've passed up my goal weight long ago... But as long as I dont think about it too much, I can manage, you know?
So now its stuck in my head...