hi, new here. help.

The Important Stuff
Weight: 63
Heighest Weight: 77( disgusting i know i know)
Lowest Weight: 60
Current Weight: 63
Goal Weight : 54
Fave food : stone fruit
Fave Drink : coffee
Fave Exercise : dancing or running
Thinspo : my sisters ( boths anas)
Where do you slip up?when i drink
When did it start?when i was about 12...but more intense at ages 14-15
Why did it start?i hated myself, and i mum watched what i ate, so this way i could get away from her commenting on how little i was eating before i started
Does Anyone know?boyfriend, close mia friends, some people did catch on but they think i'm "ok" now
Do you want help?only to lose more
Diet pills?xantrax
fave binge food:yohgurt
Fave dieting food:soup
How many cals do you consume a day?try about 800 to 1000, aim is no more than 500
What tips do you use to lose weight?when i'm not in my house i eat way less and have more contol
What do you see when you look in the mirror?filth, fat fat fat filth
Are you in a relationship?yes
If so, Do they pressure you to be thin?well they don't stop me. ie, " your far prettier now your a miac"
Are you the fat or thin one out of your friends?not that fattest, but nearly
Are you depressed?diognosed manic/biopolar, but arent to bad at the moment
Do you self harm?i used tolike crazy, but bf made me stop
Ever tried to commit suicide?a few times
Ever been to a psychologist??many
Fave song?elliot smith, pretty ugly before and regina spektor on the radio


(no subject)

The Important Stuff
Weight: 133...eww I know.
Heighest Weight: 142
Lowest Weight: 128
Current Weight: 133
Goal Weight : 115
Fave food : Apple sauce.
Fave Drink : Tea
Fave Exercise : Running.
Thinspo : Amanda Bynes
Where do you slip up?After school, I get stressed out, and just binge myself till my stomach feels like its going to rip open.
When did it start?When I was in 7th grade.
Why did it start?I've always been the fat girl, and I was just tired of it. It got really bad when I tried to make myself stop cutting.
Does Anyone know?Nope.
Do you want help?I want to quit. But I can't.
Diet pills?No. I don't use any kind of drugs, not even ibuprofin.
fave binge food:sweets.
Fave dieting food:fruits.
How many cals do you consume a day?i try to stay under 1000
What tips do you use to lose weight?I made a string of beads with a bead for each pound I want to lose until I reach my goal. I put a bead on for each pound I do lose. Pretty self-explanatory. But I really like it.
What do you see when you look in the mirror?A fat cow.
Are you in a relationship?Yeah, but I don't think it's workign to well.
If so, Do they pressure you to be thin?Not intentionally.
Are you the fat or thin one out of your friends?Fat one. No doubt.
Are you depressed?Right now. yes. But I really try to be happy.
Do you self harm?I actualy just relapsed tonight. It's been like 3 months too.
Ever tried to commit suicide?Once.
Ever been to a psychologist??HECK NO...
Fave song?Learning to Fly by Pink Floyd.



     Okay so today i didn't go gym like planned because i told my mum i felt sick in order to get out of dinner (which didn't work  grrrrr!) and she wouldn't have let me go out if i was THAT ill. So i did some sit ups but i know i can get out of eating now until Saturday afternoon at least and hopefully longer, except i have a sleepover Saturday night (Sleepover = pizza + alchohol). But 2 and a half days is still good right? And i plan to go gym on either or both Friday and Saturday so i should lose some hopefully.
    I've also been prescribed a contrceptive pill which won't make me gain weight, although the other one was supposed to do that but i ended up putting on like 6+ lbs... I've been drinking quite a bit of diet coke and black coffee lately to feel me up and wake me up in the morning and give me energy. What I'm going to do from now on is drink green tea in the morning like i used to and then water throughout the day and when i feel hungry just glug down a large glass of diet coke. I think maybe thats why I'm heavier, because i'm bloated and dehydrated, i haven't had water in ages and thats so unlike me. I'm known for being "boring" for ONLY drinking water... not even flavoured water, but plain still water.
    I hope to be down to 118lbs very soon i know i can do it, hopefully i'll be down there in about a week maybe a bit longer.. I know 6lbs seems alot in a week but i'm due on and i think my NATURAL weight (basically where i always plateau) is 118 so it should be fairly easy if i behave right!
    Everyone else has been doing well lately and if anyone wants to do my 2 day fast with me they can do. It's not for long but its still an achievement if you manage it :)

  • Current Mood
    cheerful cheerful

Some Stats

I'm new here, so I thought I'd post this, it seems like the common stat survey here. My LJ is new, so there's no posts, but I wanted a new one so no one would find out about my ED, and I really needed a place to talk about it.

The Important Stuff
Weight: 119.5lbs
Heighest Weight: 170lbs
Lowest Weight: 119.5lbs
Current Weight: 119.5lbs
Goal Weight : Under 100
Fave food : Rice Cakes
Fave Drink : Diet Coke
Fave Exercise : Situps
Thinspo : Nicole Richie && Mary Kate Olsen
Where do you slip up?When I'm stoned
When did it start?Right before summer of '06
Why did it start?Cause I was sick of being fat
Does Anyone know?A few VERY close friends
Do you want help?Yes and No
Diet pills?Ex Junkie
fave binge food:Hot Pockets
Fave dieting food:Gum and water
How many cals do you consume a day?400 +/-
What tips do you use to lose weight?Diet, situps, cocaine
What do you see when you look in the mirror?A fat girl
Are you in a relationship?Yes
If so, Do they pressure you to be thin?Yes
Are you the fat or thin one out of your friends?I think I'm fat, but they all say I'm tiny
Are you depressed?Yes
Do you self harm?Not anymore
Ever tried to commit suicide?Yesf
Ever been to a psychologist??Yes
Fave song?"I'm A..." by Lovage

  • Current Mood
    crushed fat

Moving house

    Ok so lately I have been restricting... but my bulimic habits have returned.. If i feel i haven't restricted hard enough, so more than 600cals give or take, then I've been purging. My boyfriend doesn't know yet and I'm not going to tell him unless he asks. I'm just glad I haven't been binging.. It's a road to nowhere. So since I've been restricting.. I'd say maybe just over a week, I've lost 4lbs. However, the 4lbs must have dropped in like one day for some strange reason, not like a lb a day, I just got on the scale one day and was like.. oh ok I'm 120lbs again. Was kinda refreshing :)
    My stats now being 5ft6 and 120lbs.. i still need to get back to 116lbs and then start losing it big time to my goal 105lbs. I hope.. I KNOW i can do it. I won't be on LJ for a while cause I'm moving house tomorrow and the net won't be connected for 20 days. I'll have to catch up when I'm reconnected. I don't think I'll be able to come on from another computer, it's too suspiscious.
    I'm not looking forward to moving and i just can't be asked with all this hassle... I'm in the middle of my mock GCSE exams and so far i haven't met any targets and haven't managed to revise, what with my mum moaning at me alllll the effing time! Although i have a party on friday night so I'm just gonna let my hair down.. i can't wait... I just need to find something to wear! :)
    By the next time i write on LJ expect me to be at least 114lbs! I am going to do this for all of you so that i can come back and proudly say that I'm at my lowest weight! I'm going skiing over Christmas too, maybe that'll burn of some cals?? lol I sure hope so.
Love to you all and be thin!
  • Current Mood
    contemplative contemplative
3 fuzz heart

(no subject)

im interested now....
what is everyone top 5 favorite bands/singers
and a good song from each

here is mine:
Brand New: Okay, I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't
Metric: Grow Up And Blow Away
Taking Back Sunday: Timberwolves At NewJersey
Ayumi Hamasaki: Teddy Bear
Namie Amuro: Want Me, Want Me


I was crying lastnight..

I was so upset lastnight, mainly because i don't think me and my boyfriend are as close as we used to be, it didnt help that i felt fat and like crap... i really felt bad, so i got out of bed come online and wrote my boyfriend an email, he hasnt read it yet because he's at work. I was so upset, i still feel crappy, i dont want to eat.
I actually dont want to eat, because i know how ugly i am, i wanna be thin... like a doll.
I have to have dinner tonight because i cant go out today and mum will make it. Thats all i will eat today.
I dont want to eat. I dont care.
I love my boyfriend. I hate my body.

  • Current Music
    Rock this party - Bob sinclair


Okay so my boyfriend came round tonight, and i've never actually told me that my butt is one of my problem areas, but he can probably tell. I have black in my family, well my grandad is black, although you wouldnt know by looking at me. My boyfriend knows about my ed and came out with this tonight.

"You know you think you have a fat ass" (i have never once said that to him!) "and i dont think its fat at all, i like it, but ya know you have black in your family, well thats why its a big bigger so if your trying to lose weight to lose your bum, its in the genes, so it aint gonna happen so there's no point even trying.."

I felt like crying.. i really did, but i put on a brave face and went, "your point is...?" and he said "nope thats it" and smiled...
I had the ump after that and he knew it but couldnt work out why, i really wanted to tell him he upset me, but i couldnt be bothered because he had told me his opinion and if i had said anything he would of lied to change it all to make me feel better, which it wouldnt because ive heard it all now...

Why the fuck does he feel the need to say things like that! I mean his a great person but he tends to dig holes an awful lot... Like once we were all down the beach with all my friends and when we got home, he said to me, his girlfriend with an ED!!!, "Kelly atually has a really nice body dont she?"
I was like "yehh.." felt like crying and it bugged me so much that in the end i had to tell him and he said he realised after what he had said and didnt mean it to sound like that...

well whatever.. I'm so fucking angry... he didnt need to say that.. why say that?? If he cares and worries about my eating so much then why try and feed it? Huh? Why make me feel ugly as shit saying that all this is for nothing, that im a fat ass and thats how its gonna stay?

Well thanks a fucking lot honey...

For my girls here im giving you some thinspo.. also for my use.. i need to drive this ED fast than any Ferrari... Be thin Be thin Be thin... prove them all!!

  • Current Music
    Beyonce- Irreplacable
  • ame30

(no subject)

Hi Everyone,

I am new to the board and wanted to say hello. I filled out a survey to tell ya'll a little about me. I am a bit older than most of you on here but I have found so much love and support that I decided to join again. I was diagnosed with Bulimia w/ Anorexic Tendencies 7 years ago but displayed signs and was active long before I was diagnosed. I went into recovery and became very depressed, thus the reason for my massive weight gain. Anyways, I hope I can share and add to the community.

The Important Stuff
Weight: 250ish
Heighest Weight: 272
Lowest Weight: 160
Current Weight: 250ish
Goal Weight : small than I am now
Fave food : carbs, sugar
Fave Drink : Diet Coke, Water, Crystal Light
Fave Exercise : Running
Thinspo : Nicole Ritchie, Reese Witherspoon
Where do you slip up?At night
When did it start?I have had my Eating Disorder for about 15 years.
Why did it start?Early Teens
Does Anyone know?Yes
Do you want help?Tried many times, I always revert back to my old habits
Diet pills?None
fave binge food:Comfort; pasta, sugar, fried foods
Fave dieting food:Protien Bars, fresh veggies
How many cals do you consume a day?Now down to 500
What tips do you use to lose weight?LOTS OF WATER, restriction, and since I am Bulimic I purge
What do you see when you look in the mirror?fat, cloged arteries
Are you in a relationship?Married
If so, Do they pressure you to be thin?Not outwardly. He pressures me to get back on Weight Watchers.
Are you the fat or thin one out of your friends?Fat
Are you depressed?Yes
Do you self harm?Not anymore
Ever tried to commit suicide?Yes, 3 times
Ever been to a psychologist??since I was 11
Fave song?"Fully Alive" by: FlyLeaf


  • Current Music