beanlady (smithlady) wrote in __bulimic,

I'm scared man.

       I really really really don't want to be bulimic. This obsession, this abuse of food, this throw up in the sink, this body, my tired sad mind.. it's all a pile of crap, and I want it to go away, and live my life! Ah, fuck, I'm so angry! With myself mostly. I've admitted to having an eating disorder today, after throwing up for the fourth time last night. Oh my god I feel horrible, my body hates me, my stomach has pains, a pay back for being robbed of its food. I had to walk 2 miles today, and almost fainted, and my heart is racing 100 miles an hour, my thoughts all blurred. I don't know how to manage my food and feel good about myself. I just don't know if this my eating disorder is official, or if I can go back to my healthy way of living, which was just a month ago. I'm not sure what I want out of this post.. or if there is really an answer to give. But I am wondering how other people are dealing with this, and how maybe we can not be so alone.. if that's possible over a live journal. You're all beautiful, goodnight!
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